Archive for the ‘The Guest Room’ Category

G.O.A.T. Classic Rap Jam Cage Match…

Thursday, January 17th, 2008

ll cool g rap

Today’s drop is co-produced by the good peoples over at UNKUT. Preserving Hip-Hop one IP address at a time.

*Also check out OhWord as they drop the science on their 2007 swagger*

The idea was previously presented by 40 Diesel that LL Cool J’s LP version of ‘Rock The Bells’ is arguably the G.O.A.T. rap jam. The overall length of the song and the verbosity combined with braggadocio lends credit to this argument. LL is an absolute beast on this track as he rhymes for over seven minutes. Another rap song of this length has not been recorded since with a single artist performing all the lyrics.

It was over twenty years ago that my mother began her career as a public school teacher. She taught special education classes throughout Brooklyn and Queens. At the Queens School For Career Development she had a student who claimed to be the real author for ‘Rock The Bells’. My mother didn’t believe him because he lied about everything else. It turns out the kid was right after all when my mom showed me the article in the newspaper where her student finally settled up with LL.

Let’s face it, LL was too pretty to be that good of a lyricist. Whoever wrote his shit must have been ugly as hell. Those are traditionally the best lyricists in the game. Think of Cyrano de Bergerac. That motherfucker was uglier than Medusa, but he could get a chick to peel off her pants like wrapping paper. Speaking of rapping… Who is the G.O.A.T.? Jay-Z is certainly ugly as fuck and arguably the greatest rapper of all time. B.I.G. was notoriously ugly and he was also effing great. It takes a little more than being ugly.

Kool G Rap is definitely as ugly as the ugliest rappers of all time, but Kool G Rap spit his lyrics at over 100mph with no brakes and a LISP! That has to rank G Rap at or near the absolute top of the rap immortals pantheon. It’s the equivalent of being a professional athlete while missing an appendage. Just as an aside, bigg up to JIM ABBOTT.

abbott

*Now this nigga could’a used some steroids, or some HGH, or some fucking stem cells to grow his hand back. But I digress…

When considering Kool G Rap for possible G.O.A.T. status we have to consult with one of the premier Hip-Hop fans of all time. There are no details contained in the cosmology of Hip-Hop that occurred between 1985 and 1995 that escape the knowledge of professor Dr.UnKut ROBBIE ETTLESON. Especially when concerning the legendary career of Kool G Rap you must consult the vast archives of UnKut. The song that we are delivered as the manifesto of G Rap’s dominance is the track ‘Men At Work‘.

The song clocks in a little over five minutes with 932 total words and 54 polysyllabic terms. Listening to Kool G Rap is an exercise in touching the rewind button. Without question this is the greatest machine gun spit in the history of Hip-Hop. ‘Men At Work’ certainly sits next to ‘Microphone Fiend’ and ‘Rock The Bells’ as nominees for the G.O.A.T. title. For even more clarity on Kool G Rap’s incredible lyrical prowess listen to some acappella verses of ‘Men At Work’. One word – FIYAH!!!!

Colorado’s Kicking Politricks by MAXINE

Thursday, January 17th, 2008

brucie d

Editor’s note: MAXINE reps for the home team with this drop. Boulder stand up! Only in a lawless state would the politician be allowed to openly physically assault the press

And if you feel me put your hands up (hood)
My hood niggas can you stand up (I’m So Hood)
If you not from here you can walk it out,
And you not hood if you don’t know what I’m talkin ’bout
(DJ Khaled featuring T-Pain – ‘I’m So ‘Hood’)

Fuck with Douglas Bruce. I dare you. I double dare you to walk up on that motherfucker and ask him a question. Any question. Go ahead, say one thing to him he doesn’t like, you piss ass motherfuckers. Who said cats from Colorado was soft? He wakes up in the morning, just to slap a bitch. What you know about that El Paso county? You don’t know NOTHING! Douglas Bruce. You don’t tell him, he tells you!! Crab ass bastards!

Douglas Bruce is a politician from Colorado Springs, CO but the reason you know who he is, and the reason I’m writing about him today is because he’s the only cat about that real business. He’s the Lil Wayne of the Colorado political game. Wayne will murder babies, Bruce will kick the shit out of you for attempting to take his picture ( It’s also widely speculated that he’s schizophrenic but it could just be the Easter pink Sprite). He don’t give a fuck. His crazy ass went to jail in 1995 for eight days on a contempt of court citation after going off on a judge who was condemning him about the unkempt properties he owned.

That boy Shawn Corey didn’t smack the shit out of the inspector that gave his 40/40 club a failing grade. Kanye didn’t shove the paparazzo that showed up to his crib, and Bow didn’t take the opportunity to cuff Toure when he was talking slick out his mouth. My point? Your favorite rappers (I know Bow Wow is a stretch, but walk with me) ain’t got shit on that cat Doug Bruce from the Rocky Mountain State.

How many of you are willing to kick out the knee cap of a complete and total stranger for getting it wrong? Try it, walk into the Starbucks tomorrow morning and grab the Barista up in his collar for putting too much foam in your Venti Chai. Throw a carton of eggs across the conveyor belt in the Trader Joe’s. Stupid ass bag boys. Asking you if you want paper or plastic. This is 2008, don’t ask stupid ass questions!

Douglas Bruce laid leather to ass on Monday January 14th because a photographer from the Rocky Mountain News took his picture during the morning prayer. Bruce reportedly asked the photographer not to take his picture during the pledge of allegiance. Said photographer thought it’d be a good idea to snap his pic while his head was bowed in reverence of a loving and merciful God. Bruce took offense to this and went ballistic. According to Bruce, it was disrespectful to have one’s picture taken during prayer. Eh, I can kind of dig it. I mean, Jesus did say get into your closet and pray where no one can see you right? Loosely speaking but you get the point.

Conspiracy theorist that I am, I think Mitt Romney gave that cat some money and a bottle of pills and said, “Go, be free, wherever thy feet will take you!” Douglas Bruce is gearing up for Michigan too you see. Mitt Romney is not doing well in the polls people. That half-dead John McCain is calling his bluff all over the place and it’s not looking good. Romney’s people are
sick of being torn down for “negative attack ads” They got together and said, “You want attacks? We’ll give you attacks!”

When asked about the incident, Bruce chose to quote John 8:32 as an answer. You know, the one about the truth setting one free. With the Republican primary in Michigan underway and Romney struggling in the polls, Republicans need a swift kick in the ass if the religious right, the ones with the power anyway are going to make some headway. Sorry McCain fans, but he ain’t gonna win. It’s just not happening. Mitt Romney’s soldiers are afoot.

The weak or the strong, who got it goin’ on?

Primary Concerns Of The AverageBro…

Monday, January 14th, 2008

avbro coldest ice

Editor’s note: We here at DP Dot Com believe in the democratic principles of equal time for any and all presidential campaigns. RON KUCINICH, get at us. With this principle in place I turn my space (no RUPERT MURDOCH MySpace) over to fellow blogger Average Bro for his description on how BARACK OBAAMA plans to represent for issues concerning Black folks. Personally, I’m more impressed with Average Bro’s writing than I am with OBAAMA’s platform. You folks tell me what you think…

Barack, Hillary, Black America, and The White (Wo)Man’s Colder Ice

An often noted criticism, whether in the blogosphere, black talk radio, cable news, or the barbershop, is that some black folks are hesitant to vote for Barack Obama because they don’t feel he’s “addressed specific issues of interest to black people/black women”, and that this is cause for skepticism. I guess I could buy this argument if those very same people could effectively articulate the “issues” that Obama’s competitors have addressed. When you ask this question of those same folks, you either will get Standard Negro Excuse™ #271 (“What’s that got to do with anything? Answer MY question!”) or a meritless defense of another candidate (“Bill Clinton was the first black President anyway.”). Both responses smell like ass to me, especially when it’s so much easier to search for the answers to these questions with a simple Google search, as opposed to being lazy and expecting Obama, or any candidate, to come to your house and explain their stances over DiGiorno Pizza. Not that that would be a bad thing. I love DiGiorno Pizza. Cause, you know, it’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno.

Just in case you’re interested in what Obama’s done, or is planning on doing for black America, you simply need to visit the thorough but nonthreatening well organized Civil Rights section of the official Obama website. Everything you need to know about the candidate’s stances on issues pertinent to black America is right there, spelled out in layman’s terms for people who need to be spoonfed. I’m not going to bother doing all the legwork for you when all you need to do is click the friggin’ link that follows this post and read for yourself, but here’s a few highlights of Barry’s Plan To Save Black America™. In his words, not mine.

  • GENDER PAY INEQUITY
    For every $1.00 earned by a man, the average woman receives only 77 cents, while African American women only get 67 cents and Latinas receive only 57 cents. Obama will work to overturn the Supreme Court’s recent ruling that curtails racial minorities’ and women’s ability to challenge pay discrimination. Obama will also pass the Fair Pay Act to ensure that women receive equal pay for equal work.
  • HATE CRIMES
    The number of hate crimes increased nearly 8 percent to 7,700 incidents in 2006. Obama will strengthen federal hate crimes legislation and reinvigorate enforcement at the Department of Justice’s Criminal Section.
  • UNEQUAL JUSTICE SYSTEM
    African Americans and Hispanics are more than twice as likely as whites to be searched, arrested, or subdued with force when stopped by police. Disparities in drug sentencing laws, like the differential treatment of crack as opposed to powder cocaine, are unfair. Obama will ban racial profiling by federal law enforcement agencies and provide federal incentives to state and local police departments to prohibit the practice.
  • FIXIN’ UP DA’ HOOD
    Obama will create 20 Promise Neighborhoods in areas that have high levels of poverty and crime and low levels of student academic achievement in cities across the nation. The Promise Neighborhoods will be modeled after the Harlem Children’s Zone, which provides a full network of services, including early childhood education, youth violence prevention efforts and after-school activities, to an entire neighborhood from birth to college.
  • PROMOTING FATHERHOOD
    Obama will sign into law his Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act to remove some of the government penalties on married families, crack down on men avoiding child support payments, and ensure that payments go to families instead of state bureaucracies.
  • OBAMA’S TRACK RECORD IN ILLINOIS
    Obama has worked to promote civil rights and fairness in the criminal justice system throughout his career. As a community organizer, Obama helped 150,000 African Americans register to vote. As a civil rights lawyer, Obama litigated employment discrimination, housing discrimination, and voting rights cases. As a State Senator, Obama passed one of the country’s first racial profiling law and helped reform a broken death penalty system. And in the U.S. Senate, Obama has been a leading advocate for protecting the right to vote, helping to reauthorize the Voting Rights Act and leading the opposition against discriminatory barriers to voting.
  • THE ACHIEVEMENT GAP
    Obama’s “STEP UP” plan addresses the achievement gap by supporting summer learning opportunities for disadvantaged children through partnerships between local schools and community organizations.
  • PREDATORY LENDING
    The FBI is predicting that mortgage fraud may become a criminal epidemic. In these elaborate schemes, criminals use identity theft or face-to-face scams to gain control of victims’ homes. The offenders then apply for hefty mortgage loans, take the cash, then disappear, robbing homeowners of their property and threatening the financial health of the most vulnerable members of society. Senator Obama introduced the first federal bill to combat mortgage fraud. The STOP FRAUD Act criminalizes mortgage fraud, authorizes $10 million more for anti-mortgage fraud programs and requires the FBI to update bankers on fraudulent activity in a formal, systematic way. The bill also would authorize increased federal funding for mortgage
    counseling.
  • Conspicuously absent, but probably just well hidden: Crime. There was lots of stuff about combating recidivism rates by offering ex-cons more job training, but nothing specifically about reducing murders, etc. Again, I’m sure his stances on this issue are out there, I just couldn’t locate them on his website.

    Either way you dice it, the issues have been well defined. Just because he doesn’t bring them up frequently in debates doesn’t mean he is not concerned with the issues of Black America, and by extension, America.

    Speaking of which, the whole “what’s he gonna do for us?” angle is getting real tired. Let’s not forget, Obama is running for President of the United States, not President of Compton. Black people are barely 12% of the US population nowadays, so expecting him to cater to us and only us is not just delusional, it’s dangerous.

    Black people, perhaps more so than anyone other ethnic group, are notorious for waiting for a Messiah as opposed to rolling up their sleeves and doing some actual work. No President is going to completely solve black on black crime, just as no President can solve the issues of black student underachievement, the disappearing black nuclear family, or out of wedlock births. Our problems are just that. Ours. We didn’t create all of them, but it’s counterproductive to expect someone, anyone, else to fix them.

    [Author’s Note: AvBro.com advocates working with kids in whatever capacity you find most comfortable; be it coaching, mentoring or tutoring, because I think most adults, and for that matter, teens, are already effed’ the eff’ up and thus a lost cause. If a person doesn’t have it figured out by age 18, chances are they’re doomed to a life of idiocy. Getting BET off the air, or outlawing rap music won’t fix any of that. Simply put, if you’re not doing something, anything, to directly improve your community, then please, have a Coke and a smile, and you know the rest. Man up, woman up, and help someone other than yourself! Take the AverageBro Challenge™, or do us all a favor and H.S.D.!!!]

    What angers me is the slave-like mentality with which some black people judge Obama. While it’s fair to expect a black man to bring a different sensibility to the Oval office, I think it’s borderline self-hate to question his dedication to certain issues when you wouldn’t ask the same of the other candidates. This, to me, is the embodiment of “the white man’s ice being colder”.

    [Author’s Note: Yeah, I know dry ice is technically colder than regular ice, but don’t let semantics get in the way of my point.]

    Nobody is saying you should vote for Obama “just cause’ he’s black”. That’s the definition of idiocy. But equally idiotic is not voting for him “just cause’ he’s black” without bothering to know what he advocates and pretending he doesn’t have any official stance just because you haven’t heard a 10 second soundbite on your local news. Wake up, and stop depending on barbershop word of mouth to educate you on everything!

    I’m all for being an informed voter, thus the crapload of links that follow. But if you’re going to be lazy and not do the very basic research to inform yourself about each candidate and what they stand for, yet for some reason think it’s ok to expect more of one candidate than others, then you my friend are just downright triflin’. Please do as all a favor on November 4th and stay your dumb ass at home playing PS3 and watching Judge Mathis. I don’t need your dumb vote cancelling out mine.

    Shit, where are poll taxes and literacy tests when you really need em’!!?!? Damned Jim Crow Laws!!!!

    I’ll step off my box of Lever 2000, but if you’re still unsure of where each candidate stands, please take 10 minutes to peruse their sites and get familiar. But please, whatever you do, don’t pretend that candidates haven’t directly addressed issues of interest to Black America. They all have.

    Just because you haven’t heard about it, doesn’t mean it hasn’t been said.

    Question: Have you heard other people using this “he ain’t said nothin’ ’bout helpin’ black folks” line of reasoning for not supporting Obama? How do you typically respond to this slave mentality?

    Barack Obama’s Issues Section on BarackObama.com

    Hillary’s Clinton’s Issues Section on HillaryClinton.com

    John Edwards Issues Section on JohnEdwards.com

    The War Report by MAXINE

    Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

    warriors

    Editor’s note: Peep shorty rock in the flick above. Sonn still got his tie pulled up like he is ready for business. Our Rocky Mountains bureau chief MAXINE dials in with a banging new years drop that takes no prisoners. Even though I personally don’t trust the Africans I have to realize what their failed democracies speak about my system of government.


    *So you niggas change your attitude ‘for they asking what happened to you. -Jay-Z ‘Lucifer’*

    As much as I fucks with Heidi Collins and the kid Tony Harris over at CNN, this shit right here, AIN’T for the kids. Listen up! Turn off your TV’s, and for GAWD’s sake, delete your motherfucking myspace pages. There’s a war going on, and it’s gonna be us, or them.

    No Raila, No Peace! No Raila, No Peace!

    Kenya is FUCKED people. I mean it is fucked the fuck up! The violent political unrest in Kenya is unlike any in the history of the country called the most “stable democracy in Africa.” Since December 30, over 600 people have been killed, not taking into account the number of rapes, forced circumcisions, and mass female genital mutilation, all over a crooked political election! If people were this fired up in 2000 (or 2004 for that matter), just imagine what the fuck could have happened? If we gave one motherfuck about the vote and the power behind it, Florida would have never been the same. Bush’s margin of victory was 537 votes. That number decided the outcome of the country for the next 8 years and beyond.

    Needless to say, this shit is not flying in Kenya. Right after incumbent President Kibaki was declared the winner, opposition supporters (Raila’s people) took to the streets, burning shops, shacks, and anyone who dared get in the way. The Kenyans got it right. The Electoral Commission, similar to the U.S. Electoral College has fucked the people and the system it defends will continue to rule with corruption and deceit until its subsequent dissolution. In order to win the Presidential race in Kenya, the candidate must receive 25 percent of the vote, or at least five of Kenya’s eight provinces to avoid a run-off. Kibaki only got 3!

    In U.S. terms this is like pitting a state like New Mexico which only has 5 electoral votes or some shit, against California which has 55. The proportions don’t match! The difference in what’s happening in Kenya now, what happened in 2000, and what could potentially happen here in November 2008 is that no one is going to do a motherfucking thing. Elections have been rigged for as long as we can remember, and it’s not just the Republicans. The Dems did it for JFK in Chicago; in what ended in the most famous coups of our time.

    So many countries have tried to model their political systems after America’s, only to find that it’s all fucked the fuck up from the word Go. I come from the school of Marxist theory; the government represents the interest of the dominant class, and eventually those being oppressed will raise the fuck up against those doing the oppressing. That’s what happened in Kenya. The Proletariats are fired the fuck up and sick of being shitted on everyday by the motherfucking government. Don’t call it a comeback bitches, they’ve been here for years. This is nothing new.

    The media will pass this unrest off as economic destruction. Of course!!! Now that it’s not safe for Alex Trebeck, Warren Buffet, and Goldie motherfucking Hawn to go traipsing through Kenya on their “cultural safaris,” you better believe we’re talking about economy!

    I, for one am sick of this shit. I’m an emotional voter ok? That means that the facts matter, but how it will affect me and mine matters more. Damn right I voted yes on 100A, the pro-Marijuana initiative! What would you expect? I think I speak for all Proletariats when I say, FUCK the status quo. I’m sick of the same cats running this shit. Can we get that *Detox* album?

    Mr. Obama, I’m riding with you. Hardcore, I sent in my $20 months ago! Allow me to say though, that even if healthcare was “affordable,” poor people wouldn’t ‘buy’ health insurance, that money would be spent on SUV’s. The point being is that social sentiment goes a helluva longer way than economic rehabilitation. Why? As long as you’re driving around in the new ’08 Escalade, all fruits are ripe. We overlook the obvious for obvious reasons, to quote Kanye, “you got D’s mufucker, D’s! Rosie Perez.” None of us are passing the test, and it isn’t always because we didn’t study.

    As long as the current election system is in place, we will have to raise as much hell as possible to get real results. I’m not saying go and burn down the elementary school next door, but it is time to stand up. It’s time to send the message to those doing the oppressing, in all aspects of the system. I can feel it in the air. I can hear the bitch in your voice. I’m passing the blunt to the left on you cats. I hold your glass straight up when I poor your Stout, asshole. You’re as cold as ice…someday you’ll pay the price. I know.

    Pfffft.

    Fuck this man.


    *throws headphones*.

    GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE CLOTHES…

    Tuesday, January 8th, 2008

    winter bikini

    Editor’s note: The Ambassador is back with us for the new year.

    Now don’t get it twisted, Virginia may be a Southern state, but it gets damn cold here during the wintertime. Probably just as cold as it gets up in DP’s neck of the woods, except with less snow. Or so I thought.

    I know I’ve been lazy lately, and I know I’ve been sleeping a lot, but I didn’t think I was hibernating. However that’s the only explanation I can muster up that seems to explain the fact that I woke up this morning (er…afternoon) to the month of April.

    Wait…it’s not really April? I’m awake right now? You mean I was outside this afternoon, chillin on the concrete step behind my place, eating my cereal in a wifebeater and no jacket…in January?! Now I know what you’re all thinking – global warming, Al Gore was right, “I wonder what the Ambassador looks like in a wifebeater?”. Yeah, don’t act like I don’t see you.

    Well, according to the notoriously incorrect weather forecaster types on the local news, we Virginians have the West to thank for this wonderful weather. While our Cali friends are getting shitted on by rain and their homes are sliding down hills faster than Starbucks’ stocks before they replaced their CEO, we here in the usually-forgotten-about Mid-Atlantic are in paradise. Supposedly it has something to do with a warm front that the storm system out West is pushing across the country, but who needs technicalities when there’s springtime air to be inhaled?

    I’m sure there are still a lot of you reading this who swear that this freak occurrence is caused by global warming, or as most scientists would more properly name it these days, global “climate change”. Well you know what I say? Hit up my cell phone the next time you’re having a house party, because I bet that you believers of the heat know how to set shit off. There is a
    simple logic to this: the hotter it gets, the less clothes people wear. Well, at least if you’re not one of those white boys who goes outside in the snow in some shorts. That is one phenomenon that I have never been able to understand. Somebody enlighten me, please.

    In all seriousness (or maybe not), climate change is a nudist’s dream come true. With a rise in average temperatures, I predict a rise in Victoria’s Secret stocks, gym memberships, and trips to the salon to get a Brazilian wax. Imagine taking a trip up to Canada in December and seeing the women walk around in miniskirts and the men out jogging in the morning shirtless? Oh, the possibilities.

    So as I shed some layers in honor of this meteorologically gorgeous day, I’ll leave you with the poignant words of one Cornell Haynes Jr.: “It’s gettin’ hot in here, so take off all your clothes”. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some chlorofluorocarbons to spray in the general direction of the guy I just saw walking past my window.