Archive for the ‘Billy Sunday @ XXL’ Category

Dead Rappers Get Better Promotion…

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

jigger

What has Michael Jackson’s death taught you? It should be that the music industry is reliant now upon the deaths of icons to sell its backstock of CD’s and other merch. This is fine too since I can think of a plethora of aging rockers that could all remove their carbon footprints from the planet whilst also creating a boon to the flagging music business model.

Bob Dylan, David Bowie, Paul McCartney, Ozzy Osbourne, Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, Robert Plant, Eric Clapton, etc. All of these artists have ridiculous catalogs and rabid fans worldwide that would buy their shit again if re-packaged into some kind of collector’s box set. The real way to come up though would be if you were Mick Jagger and you faked your death. Couldn’t you see Mick Jagger retiring to some Brazilian hideaway where sexy slim D-cup shemales fed him grapes all day? That is real rockstar shit my friends.

Who in the rap game has the catalog to retire on and still has enough of a following to make faking his demise profitable. The only dude is Jigga. Plus, who likes going to island resorts more than Jay-Z? I think 50 Cent has taken one vacation in all the years he has been rapping. You never see Eminem on vacation. Jay-Z is that anomaly who goes off on holiday and retires from rap simultaneously. Some people rap to go out on tour. Jay-Z raps to put points in his 401K.

I remember there was a latino dude that rapped like Jay-Z a few years back. I forget dude’s name and really I didn’t even bother to learn it because it was obvious he was smitten with Jay-Z so much that he would never get a break in the business. Now what if we pulled that dude away from his FedEx gig and told him to make some songs in the Jay-Z voice like that dude made all those songs using the 2Pac voice. Jay-Z could be holed up in Tobago with his roommate Larry Johnson and still caking off new albums that were supposedly recorded before his demise.

None of us here are that delusional to think that 2Pac recorded 5+ albums worth of material in 6 weeks? We all know that some dude that rapped with 2Pac’s voice was used to keep that dude’s legacy popping while 2Pac vacations in Cuba. Jay-Z could do the same thing. There is now way a Jay-Z album is going platinum under its own power. When I say platinum I am referring to 1999 platinum status(1M units) as opposed to 2009 plat(300K units). This is my best idea evar. Jay-Z can finally retire like he’s always talked about and he will become the best selling rap artist of all time.

This is at least until Eminem fakes his death and has Asher Roth rapping for him posthumously.

Master Plan >>> Blueprint

Monday, July 6th, 2009

library

Maybe you want to know a little bit of my background before I proceed with this drop? I dropped out of architectural school in my first upperclassmen year. It wasn’t just the difficulty of the classwork in as much as it was about the prospects for enrichening employment after I had graduated in another several years of study. Plus, I didn’t like practicing architecture as much as I enjoyed writing about it (and other things). My parents were disappointed that I wasn’t going to finish my degree in an engineering field. They considered writers to be ‘dime-a-dozen’ and even more underpaid than Black architects.

My dad was right as usual and writers are a ‘dime-a-dozen’, but I haven’t left the architecture engineering trade altogether. I spend my days working with architects and construction managers as we construct buildings all around New York City. I have an old Jew to thank for my career that pays me, as well as the one that gives me my passion. The old Jew was a scholar and a humanitarian. He taught me how to create master plans and the process for reproducing them into blueprints.

You all understand that a blueprint is a copy right? The master plan is too valuable to be placed into the wrong hands that might not be able to protect it so instead a reproduction is made and the draftsman, be it the engineer or the architect presides over the blueprint to explain the information contained therein. There are details contained on the master plan that don’t necessarily always transfer to the blueprint so if the architect that drafted the plans isn’t available some of the crucial construction information will be lost.

imperial 65

So when I hear that your favorite rapper is working on his third blueprint I think to myself that maybe his master plan is what needs the retrofit. Jay-Z has been the most successful rapper of all time (even more than Eminem) just from the sheer volume of press that all his his non-rapping endeavors generate. Jay-Z spent more time on vacation since 9-11 than President Bush spent on that ranch in Texas. The master plan can’t be about not working though. This is another lesson from the old Jew who was a rabbi, a teacher. The old Jew was all about teaching people how to become fishermen as opposed to giving people free fish.

What have you learned from Jay-Z? What has Jay-Z rhymed about that has motivated you to investigate after the song was over? The master plan contains keys to sections, details and elevations. Without all of this comprehensive information how will you complete your construction? I’m not saying that Jay-Z can’t become a rabbi himself like the old Jew was to me but I don’t see it at this point. You see, when the old Jew was young he was still a rabbi. This is the type of man he was. You don’t become a leader and teacher of men overnight. Leaders and teachers wish for their followers and students to succeed them, not to be held back with jealousy and contempt.

This drop isn’t to disparage Jay-Z in as much as I would like for those that hold him above themselves to wonder why they too aren’t leading and teaching the youth that are coming up in the game? As opposed to holding people back from reaching their potential like their favorite rapper does.

corona little league

Independents Day…

Saturday, July 4th, 2009

game

If I learned anything from the record industry machines publicity of Drake was that the last thing the T.I.’s wanted was a popular artist to be independent of their slimy grasp. But then why would anyone want to voluntarily become chattel after all our ancestors did to become independent? What day did Drake declare his allegiance to Universal? On Juneteenth? SMH.

This is why I support movements like Afro Punk even if they don’t want me personally to publicize their events. These folks are so independent they already have enough media coverage from established outlets like Brooklyn Vegan. Yeah, I know, but trust me, even though Brooklyn Vegan may not have made the Vibe 50 but they are who the NYTimes calls when they want to talk about “urban” music.

Afro Punk is the largest collective of unsigned hype bands and performers. If you wanted to hear music by people that LIKE to make music as opposed to people trying to make music for the clothing lines then you need to fux with Afro Punk. They were at Suth by South West before that shit was even popular. Afro Punk opened the lane @ SxSW for artists like Kid Cudi.

Afro Punk puts on an annual festival every year around Independence Day. July 4th is significant for Black folks living in New York City. In 1827 the state senate finally abolished slavery. New York was the largest slave owning state north of the Mason Dixon line. Afro Punk has never forgotten their roots and the struggle for humanity that all types of people have fought for. The Afro Punk festival is a celebration concert.

This years’ festival is packed with some incredible acts. My favorite band is Game Rebellion. These dudes have been on their grizzly for several years now. Their music is rebel punk funk rock. Colored men with guitars and loud microphones. If you like to watch a rapper sit on a chair and act (poorly) then you should prA’li stay your ass home. Game Rebellion will NOT be quiet. They will be loud, angry and profane.

Holy shit B@tman! Saul Williams will be in the building (actually in the parking lot) along with CX Kidtronik and Jonelle Monae. Fresh out of the Abu Dabi prison we will also get a listen to the latest Dallas Austin musical incantation incarnation. The best part of the Afro Punk festival is that it is totally free. Nike and PepsiCo were major sponsors this year and the savings have been passed on to you the listener.

How about that? You would think that the fishsticks in the music business would realize the lifestyle partner model [ll] is the way to move their products now. Rappers say so much shit about liquor and other items we should get free CD’s everytime we buy a bottle of Nuvo. At least Afro Punk got it right. We get a FREE concert weekend for our troubles. We get to hear some of the best independent artists making music for the love of the craft. What more do you want?

Free your mind, and your ass will follow. -(c) George Clinton

Happy Independents Day.

Afro Punk Festival 2009
game

XXL’s August Cover Is In The Bag…

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

fab cover

It’s been a long time since I had anything to write about Fab. Do I need to post the ‘Throw It In The Bag’ track? Is that what y’all are into now? I admit that I don’t like this song and I also admit that when this shit comes on the radio I reflexively do the Cabbage Patch dance. I can’t even stop myself (believe me I’ve tried).

Fabolous featuring The Dream – ‘Throw It In The Bag’

I was stanned out the other night when my boss, er, supervisor, Carl Chery (we all know Vanessa Satten’s the boss) let me know I had crossed over into the Hip-Hop publishing world’s VIP room. I was on the list for the party that XXL was throwing along with Def Jam to celebrate Fabolous on the mag’s cover next month. I was happy as fuck to be going to this party. Elliott Wilson never invited me to any XXL parties because he knew my reputation for open bars. Datwon Thomas never invited me to shit because he hates me. The only Dallas he fux with is Austin [ll].

fab xxl
fab xxl

So I showered and put on some clean clothes for the shindig. There would be some magazine chicks in the building. These girls work so hard and they never have time to let the boys play with them. I’m definitely looking to cop feels on Clover Hope if she shows up. I like the way she writes. I ended up not meeting any young tender journalistas except for this one chick named Mariel Concepcion from Vibe magazine. If I had known that Vibe was assed out I would have attempted to console Mariel by offering her a free drink (and I would’ve copped a feel).

Sadly, the party wasn’t as crowded as I imagined these industry things are and the free drinks were wamp-wamp. Patron with lemonade? Women are definitely running this rap shit. My homey Panama came through and beat me in the head for not coming to his ‘Make It Last Forever’ video premiere party. Panama is my dude and all, but I have a serious issue with buying liquor. If you want me to appear at your party you need to make sure I am drinking for free.

fab xxl
fab xxl

Another superstar in the building was Gabe T. who I want to say is the general manager over at Def Jam. When Gabe T. is working an artist he is working that artist. He’s been excited about the Fabolous project for a minute, but then again he was excited about the Jadakiss and Rick Ro$$ albums too. I’m sure Gabe T. will be telling me to fux with the Juelz Santana joint later this summer. Even though the crowd was meager and lazy Fab still made his appearance. Fab has to be a good dude because he let some fugly chick hug his ass for a minute.

If I was a real life celebrity I wouldn’t let fugly chicks hug me, but since I am only a celebrity on the internets I am down to hug any chick that wants it. Retarded with Down’s Syndrome? Quadriplegic? Amputee? Leper? Hells yeah to all of ’em. I’m a sucker for love and free booze. Now that I am getting invites to the industry elite soirees I think its time I bathed on the regulack.

fab xxl
fab xxl

Seed Popular from Rule 4080 on the lens

And He Like Her Toooooooooo…

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

kellz

This drop is for grown ups so I advise the children, and those of you with childlike sensibilities to click, click away.

I just read a story on the internets that says Robert Sylvester Kelly is under investigation for statutory rape. Apparently he has been diddling a freshly minted 17 year old in his suburban Chicago compound. The rub is that in Illinois 17yrs old is no longer a minor, but apparently the ‘aR.ra’ has been digging this P.Y.T. out since before her latest bornday.

God bless him and shouts to superfreak Rick James.

What do you think this hot-2-trot teenage chick would be doing if she wasn’t being schooled by the master? She might be having otherwise unprotected sex with some loser her own age. Trust me that this girl would be getting fuxed by someone. It is nearly impossible to suspend the biological needs of a woman to put something in her box. She’s gotta have it (yes Spike Lee).

Everybody was making a fuss about the fact that Drakes Cakes and Lil’ Wang are most prA’li hebephiles as well after viewing their performance[ll] on the 2009 B.E.T. awards. Despite the fact that Drakes Cakes is almost 35 yrs old and Wang turns 30 this year I think these fellas are the perfect candidates to teach 16 yrs olds that love don’t live here anymore. The only thing that lives is the universe.

I have told you grownups before that the universe was unleashed from a black hole. None of us know where we go when we leave this planet, but we ALL know from where we came. I came from a black hole.

The black hole is all powerful, all encompassing and all good. Why don’t we want someone like the Pied Piper [ll] to teach these young ladies how to work their black holes (all of them)? I personally am not offended by this man. He is doing what many fathers neglected to do and this is to teach their daughters their own majesty.

The black hole is crucial to the survival of humankind. Until the males start giving birth from their peeholes we will be dependent on the females of our species and their black holes to insure that we will continue to live on. Don’t persecute Robert Sylvester unless you are man enough to be a hands-on father and show your daughter the power of her black hole.

black hole