Vampires are the hottest shit smoking right now. The HBO program True Blood is killing the television rating for its time slot. The ‘Twilight’ books have supplanted Harry Potter on the best seller lists and anything with a vampire theme is the sexy for corporate America.
Everybody hates Chris (Brown), but everybody loves Dracula. Zombies stay losing. Maybe because they have all those skin problems. Leprosy was never good for bagging bitches. Vampires have all the ill swag. Extra tight jeans. Silky blazers. Necklaces with embedded cocaine snifters.
I was pretty sure that KanYe West’s 808s & Heartbreaks would segue rap music into the age of hedonistic, well dressed, bloodsucking. I loved the album to death, and let’s be honest about vampires. That shit is gheyer than two men having sex.
Some dude choosing a man to live with him for all of eternity is the zenith of gheyosity. But at the end of the day if you look at the overall numbers the amopunt of ghey dudes with disposable income >>> greater than het breeders that make familes and shit. What do you think corporate America gives a fux about?
What rap music needs to do is take their cues from the fact that Jay-Z is dressing in all black again. By going vampire that will be the path for the rap music industry to court the ghey dollars without having to make Fisty Scent post the ghey Lloyd banks video on ThisIs50.com. NaS needs to name his next album Nasferatu.
I got charged into thinking about all of this vampire shit when I stopped by the XXL H.Q. Harris Publishing is now printing one of the freakiest comic titles from way back in my childhood. Vampirella was this cocktease vampire slut that was all about kicking the ass of bad vampires and demons and rapists and child abusers.
Vampirella was hot as fuck too. OMG I wanted to bang her so bad and she knew it. My dad wouldn’t let me buy these comics because he said it had some shit to do with devil worship. If you ask me, working for money is devil worship. I like it better when Harris pays me with premium alcohol. The power company doesn’t like that though (natch).
Now that I am old as shit and my dad has passed away and I write for Harris publishing, I will be reading as much Vampirella as I want and I will be occasionally touching myself in between issues. Vampires are fucking teh ghey, but a vampire chick with body karate that put the lotion on her hands can have my true blood any day of the week.
