Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

Should’a Never Gave You Niggas Skateboards?!?

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

ian reid

The New York Times, in typical NYTimes privileged fashion has discovered that negroes are riding skateboards(again!). You already know that I hate the pandering liberal, closeted conservatism of the New York Times. These are the same faux liberal fuckwads that railroaded the six Harlem teenagers falsely accused of raping the Central Park jogger. The NYTimes threw them dudes under the proverbial bus in the worst way. So I am always suspect whenever they run a story that mentions Black youth. Don’t sleep on these supremacists either, in the NYTimes newsroom nooses are referred to as tree accessories.

It turns out that one of the intrepid reporters from the Times, some relocated Mid-Westerner caught a glimpse of some Black kids doing kick flips in front of the Brooklyn Museum of Art. Their attire must have emboldened him to ask the kids a few questions about their reasons for grinding in front of the museum. Of course, PHARRELL WILLIAMS was credited with the fad of skateboarding in the urban community as well as Lupe Fiasco. What was odd to me was that the reporter didn’t dig any further into the urban skate scene than STEVIE WILLIAMS. Typical of the NYTimes to keep their reporting a generic commodification of the true urban skate scene.

My homey IAN REID has been grinding boards from Bed-Stuy to Bangkhok, from Fort Greene to fucking… Yeah! My dude is the underground center city skate king and if you ever saw the video ‘Sex, ‘Hood, Skate & Videotape’ you would already know what’s good. I’m not trying to take anything away from STEVIE WILLIAMS or HAROLD HUNTER (GOD bless the dead), but my nigga IAN goes in with all the street skaters. IAN’s video is a mix of bumfights, drunk nude chicks and yeah, skateboarding. Shit is hardbody as fuck. You don’t believe me? Watch the fucking trailer.

The War On Terror = 190 Pairs Of Nike Dunks

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

dj khaled

Editor’s note: This drop comes from The Ambassador who normally gets her grind on at HipHop DX dot com (MekaSoul stand the fuck up!). Since we were discussing the outrageous integer of 1.6trillion I thought I would let her go in on what that number means to her. To be honest, after reading this I may never buy myself another pair of Nike Dunks. Awww, who are we kidding?!?

It should be no new information that I’m a broke as shit college student, so undoubtedly my perceptions about monetary amounts are a little bit skewed. $5 to me is like $50 most of the time. But I don’t particularly don’t give a 2-girls 1-cup* shit about how rich any of you e-thugs are (unless you want to donate to my college fund). $1.6 trillion is a lot of fucking money, and you can’t deny that, just like Lil Wayne can’t deny that he has a thing for dropping the soap (no hetero).

Gotta love the Democrats sometimes though. Yeah, they’re still some good for nothing, conspiracy theorist food for thought just like their Republican counterparts, but at least the Democrats don’t hesitate to call out the shenanigans of their blackgolddigging political opposites. Well, assuming that the Democrats aren’t lying, that is. Which wouldn’t be too unrealistic considering they are also politicians and well…aw, fuck it, just listen to a Dead Prez album on your own time. I got other shit to talk about.

The Democraps have gotten their hands on a report that compiles statistics and data taken from the Congressional Budget Office, which claims to be a nonpartisan organization (word?), that states that from 2002 to 2008, the war on terror (our wars vs. Afghanistan and Iraq, aka “Operation Fuel Hatred Towards South Asians That People Mistakenly Assume Are Middle Eastern Jihadists Because They’re Dark Skinned, Hairy, Stink of Body Odor and Cheap Cologne, and Speak With An Accent”**) will have cost our country approximately $1.6 trillion. “So what?” you say? “That’s our national debt, shit, I don’t have to pay that off myself, I’m still making that cake – I don’t give a fuck about the war!” Word to Monty Python: my friend, I fart in your general (ignorant) direction.

It has been calculated that given the $1.6 trillion figure, the average (four person) American family has paid upwards of $20,900 towards funding the Afghanistan and Iraq wars. Maybe it’s just my broke ass, but almost twenty one thousand dollars is a whole fucking lot to me. Like the lil’ homey NaSir would say, “Let’s put it all in perspective…”

serena dunks

1 pair of NIKEiD.com customized Dunk lows = $110.
$20,900 divided by $110 = 190 pairs of Dunks (roughly DP’s collection).

Ayo! Not only does that say that Nike charges a whole hell of a lot for its sweatshop produced goods (we can discuss that another day), but that says that we, the American people, are getting internally kidney poked [ll] by our government. Now, mind you, not all of this amount is made up of direct war costs. Parts of it are speculated side effects of the war . Line items such as interest rates on the money we’ve borrowed for funding the war, thus smoking our national debt out with that sticky Ben Franklin green to the point that it’s at the $9 trillion dollar level. The historically highest ever. Somebody grab our debt a bag of Doritos, stat! We got some serious munchies on our hands. Alongside of that, potential health care costs for injured soldiers and the costs of the shit-tastic oil market are taken into account in this $1.6 trillion figure.

Most of you reading this just lost your 190 pairs of Dunks, or quite possibly a full year of your work earnings, to not finding Bin Laden or weapons of mass destruction. To losing many of our civilians’ innocent lives in the battle. To getting Al-Qaeda more pissed at us than ever. To funding wars that you may not have supported in the first place.

Thank Allah (no Abdul Raheem) that it’s almost the end of Bush’s term. Thank Allah that Dallas promised me a pair of Dunks if I consistently throw drops at DP Dot Com. I’ll only have 189 more pairs to go.

*You can find that one on your own. I will not be held responsible for you puking your lunch all over your keyboard. You have been warned.

** My sincere apologies go out to all of the Indian/Bangladeshis that have caught some post September 11th racist slack from ignorant YT’s that don’t know a Syrian from a Sri Lankan. All my 7-11 workers, taxi drivers, and restaurant owners – I still love you. I know you’re not terrorists.

ambassador The Ambassador says…
“Punks jump up to get beat down!”

26.2 Miles No Sweat For The Lil’ Holmey…

Sunday, November 11th, 2007

holmey

How many of you have ever run a marathon?

Do you think it’s possible to run a marathon and…

holmey

  • 1) never break a sweat after five and a half hours of running?
  • 2) not wear a bra or chest support to prevent nipple chafing?
  • holmey

  • 3) be totally over-dressed in your yoga clothes?
  • 4) marry an obviously ghey man?
  • We would all agree that the marriage of TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES is more fraudulent than a $2 dollar magic show and the SURI childbirth situation is more proof of their fakery fuckery, but why the hell do they need tons of media outlets to lie to the people about HOLMES participation in the NYC marathon?

    holmey

    Are these two fools that desperate for people to see them? Couldn’t these numbskulls have simply just posted up along the marathon route somewhere and passed out water to the actual runners?

    So I dug a little deeper into this story only to discover this publicity stunt is part of the new Hollywood x New York City marriage. It turns out that KATIE HOLMES is lobbying to be cast as Wonder Woman for a new feature film being shot in NYC. Awww hell nahh!!! I’ve watched LINDA CARTER. I’ve caught youngling wood looking at LINDA CARTER. I’ve rubbed off that same youngling wood thinking about LINDA CARTER.

    You KATIE HOLMES, are no LINDA CARTER.

    wonder woman

    Save The Cheerleader, Save The World…

    Wednesday, November 7th, 2007

    vic shat

    Don’t be a H8r!

    If you all don’t know who H8TORADE is by now then you haven’t gone in to the BLU CHEEZ Ghetto Madness Photo Galleries. H8TORADE holds down one of the most popular image albums on that page. When he’s not supplying me with my fill of sweet white titties he is holding down his own corner on the internets.

    H8TORADE Dot Com

    The picture above and the following story come from H8’s site, and it is so fucking hot. Check it… The brunette on the left is named VICTORIA SCHATTAUER and she was the cheerleading coach for a high school in a sleepy Ohio town. Over the weekend she co-hosted a house party for some of the high school kids and it looks like she was also in charge of taking the memoribilia pics. I am not mad at her one bit. WDISL?!? It smells like teen spirit.

    VICTORIA is 19 yrs old and the young lady in the picture with her is reportedly 15 yrs old (hence the covered up baby tittays – no ROBERT SYLVESTER). These images and more were distributed electronically via cellphones throughout their Ohio hamlet and by Monday morning VICTORIA and her co-host were both unemployed and facing some charges from the local police.

    Some of you may be familiar with the case of GENARLOW WILSON. He was a teenager sent to prison after having consensual sex with another teenager. It was a mistake to send him to prison simply because he was a horny young Black kid. All people whose ages end with the suffix ‘teen’ are horny. That is the human biological condition. Period. Point blank. Laws and scarlet letters are not going to stop teenagers from banging each other out. Nothing in my life has been sweeter than the 18 year old action that I cut up on the regulack (when I was only 16 y.o. mind you).

    We can’t let the authorities get their hands on these beautiful, young tittays just because they have these faux puritanical regulations that won’t let these bitches breathe until they are ugly and saggy. Look at those jawnts. The gravity defying perkiness. The coloring on the areola. The petite nipplage. If VICTORIA goes to jail and comes out forty pounds heavier this will have been the greatest crime against humanity. Forget protesting against the war in Iraq, Home Depot, KFC, Dog the Bounty Hunter or SIMON COWELL. We need to be marching on Washington D.C. with HAYDEN PANETTIERE as the keynote speaker.

    Save the cheerleader, save the world.

    Big Thangs Piping…

    Tuesday, November 6th, 2007

    piper

    PIPER CARTER is one of my muses. She is a cool little Black hippie chick with an eye for fashion and beauty. Homegirl just took the next step to becoming the female GORDON PARKS ROY DeCARAVA.

    Vh-1 has a new Celebreality show called ‘The Shot‘ where aspiring fashion photographers vie for a chance of a lifetime position shooting for some high falutin’ fashion something or the other. I need y’all to send your prayers up to heaven for PIPER.

    Plus she’s just too cute not to win.

    piper