Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

BLING! It’s A Celebration Bitches!

Monday, October 30th, 2006

bling

I had the good fortune last week of being invited to several premieres and debuts of works of art created by Black artists. The first piece was a one man performance by ROGER GUENVER SMITH titled ‘Who Killed BOB MARLEY?’ I can’t even begin to tell you about the kind of pretension that was in the air, but for those of you that know Black people… That really, really know Black people… To you folks I say that the room was filled with liteskin niggas with no moustaches. ‘Nuff said.

The second function was being held at the museum for the City of New York and that fact alone meant that the snobbery might be at a high level here as well. The Museum of the City of New York drew my ire when they installed this exhibit called ‘Black Style Now’. I take umbrage with anyone and anything that attempts to codify what ‘Black’ means. When you enter the museum you are greeted by five black mannequins fully clad in clothing meant to illustrate five pop culture music icons. KANGAY WEST, BeYONCE, LENNY KRAVITZ, LIL’ KIM and The King of All Jigs, DIDDY. The mannequins are dressed in outfits that these stars purportedly wore at some time. None of the outfits were created by Black designers. The museum also had the nerve to say that the POLO Ralph Lauren rugby on the KANGAY mannequin was the same one in the enlarged photo that stood behind the display. Any true representative of the ‘lifestyle’ could tell that wasn’t the truth. So from the gate the ‘Black Style Now’ exhibit was really a celebration of white fashion designers and the jigs who love to play dress up in their shit.

Thankfully, I wasn’t here to pick apart the museum and their faux negro nonsense. I came through to celebrate the book release of ‘BLING: The Hip-Hop Jewelry Book’. The book is an illustrated documentation of the evolution of rap artist’s fascination with jewelry. It’s a light-hearted tome meant to follow the progression of jewelry trends within the rap music industry. You see how these artists describe their self-value through their adornment. There are stories inside about some of the legendary jewelers that were necessary tradesmen in attaining rap artist status.

Leave your politics at the rally in front of Tiffany’s. This book isn’t meant to educate you on the diamond trade or the precious metals mining process. If you want to see kids missing appendages then you are missing the point. The rap music business is filled with men who were raised by women and therefore they are attracted to shiny necklaces and baubles like their mothers are. Instead of condemning these young men for what you perceive to be their lack of global-socio-economics you should just buy this book from Amazon. I’m mad that I didn’t. I could have saved more than one third of the money that I spent in the museum’s book shop.

The best part of the book is that there are photos of some of the Gods in the rap game when truck gold was the shit. RAKIM, ERIC B, BIZMARKIE and SLICK RICK. There’s a photo of GHOSTFACE wearing the ‘Wonder Woman’ bracelet, but what was even more illmatic was the pendant he was rocking that was the size of a manhole cover. The history of grills is shown which should help some of you youngbloods learn that New York City had hit it, quit it and shitted it before the Derrty even could get with it. The other good point of this book is that both of the authors have moustaches, albeit slight ones. The biggest lesson I learned from this week was…

Never trust a Black man without any facial hair.

mr.t

BE VERY AFRAID…

Saturday, October 28th, 2006

snakecharmer

For JERMAINE DUPRI’s poop chute.

If you thought MICHAEL was the twisted freak, then you got another thing coming! Say a little prayer for J.D. that he doesn’t get all Kris-Krossed.

BILLY SUNDAY’s Guide To Working Out Your Side Hustle Just In Case This Music Shit Doesn’t Pan Out…

Saturday, October 28th, 2006

rihanna

image heisted from CONCRETE LOOP

HOE SIT DOWN! (Reader’s ReMix Request)

Friday, October 27th, 2006

broketitty mountains

VIVICA ANJANETTA FOX done broke her new titties already. And how does that shit happen?!? When you won’t stay your azz home for a minute. VIVICA be at every premiere party she can go to meanwhile she hasn’t done any real work since forever. I think I just saw ‘Two Can Play That Game’ on B.E.T. for the fifty-eleventh time!

I met VIVICA about 10 years ago at the Memorial Day jig festival in Cancun Mexico. She is a down azz bitch if there was ever one in Hollywood. Just funny and foul mouthed. VIVICA is a cutie-pie, but she is also a bonafide hoodrat. The only way you would take her to meet your momma is if your moms smoked a pack of Newport ay’day and drunk Colt45 from a tall can with a straw.

broketitty mountains

anja and iman

fishlips

anjanetta

soul train

Because I love you VIVICA and I know how real you used to be I have to give you this advice…

HOE SIT DOWN! And give your damn tittie bags a rest.

broketitty mountains

The Evolution Of KIMBERLY JONES…

Friday, October 27th, 2006

davinci

The following flicks came to my mailbox from someone who steals concepts from my site and e-mails them to people as if she did the research to asssemble the idea. She prah’lee stole these from another website. So if these were “your” pictures stop crying and appreciate the fact that I am putting some text to the madness.

Anyhoo, the interesting study that these photos illustrate is how in only ten short years we can view how complete the transformation has become for the person we know affectionately as LIL’ KIM.

I wonder if this all would have gone down like this if B.I.G. were around? I wonder if BIGGIE would have opted for that gastric bypass surgery? He would have had to lose weight to keep up with the terminally afflicted workaholic that PUFF DIDDY is. Can you imagine PUFFY, MASE and B.I.G. in shiny suits?!?

shiny suit man

For my money, LIL’ KIM is the realest bitch to ever spit on the microphone. I use the word bitch in only the most respectful Hip-Hop manner (no KIM OSORIO). She convinced Black girls that anal sex was what’s up. I guess the next thing for sisters’ to work on is getting they rhinoplasty on. The least some of y’all Black girls could do would be to get a blonde wig. I’m just sayin’…

kimmy

1996 – Even though lil’ mama is guilty as she wanna be there was still an innocence about her that I could see in her face.

kimmy

1999 – Still cute as a button. She’s only fucked around with her chin a little bit and since I see no scars on the tittie I can assume that the breast implants haven’t gone in yet.

kimmy

2002 – KIM is starting to come up on that plastic surgery disease where people have to get repeated procedures done. Watch out Tiger Lady.

kimmy

2004 – Bride of ClayFace has a court date.

kimmy

Present – Arrrrrrgh!