Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Sunday, September 3rd, 2006

am 90s

I am on my sneaker grind extra heavy this weekend. I am visiting the NIKE I.D. Design Studio today as well as some of the other local haunts throughout the city. Air Max is the order of the day. I want to see if I can come up on something that isn’t blown out of the water just yet. I am thinking about having a party at I.D. for the Air Moire+. All my generation iPod peeps are welcome (’70s, ’80s & ’90s babies). Holla Black if you are interested and I will set a date.

This Sneaker Fiends post is to celebrate a couple of pairs of Air Max 90 that I copped over the summer. We already kicked it about the Fantastic Four A.M. 90’s back in June and they didn’t disappoint me either. The whole series is pretty tight and the Doctor Doom Foamposite Pros are sick even if they aren’t in the right colorway.

phoenix

NIKE hits another home run with a Marvel Comics collabo. The joints I am putting you up on in this post are the new Dark Phoenix Air Max 90’s. Some of you heads are gonna trip and say that these sneakers are really the STEVE NASH Quickstrikes, but that is what you can call them if you want to. For me, these sneakers were made by NIKE because they read my mind and they know how much I loved Jean Grey even though she was manipulated by the Phoenix force.

phoenix

Don’t hate me because NIKE shares a telepathic bond with me. The people in Beaverton have been riding with me for years and this instance is no different. Premium leather is in effect all over the shoe as well as a custom insole representing the Phoenix force. These jawnts is straight flames!

am 90s

am 90s

am 90s

Fire red and orange all over your feets boyeee! The Phoenix is reborn. Air Max forever.

am 90s

x men

BeYONCE Should Let BIGFOOT Out The Cage

Saturday, September 2nd, 2006

bigfoot

Have any of you kids seen KELLY ‘Bigfoot‘ ROWLAND lately? I’m sure Crunk and Concrete have some pics, but have you SEEN her? I think that the KNOWLES family keeps KELLY in a cage in their basement. They force her to breastfeed SOLANGE’s baby or something. I’ve seen more of SOLANGE wearing the stripper clothes that her mom designed than I have of KELLY. Supposedly the KNOWLES family is managing KELLY’s solo career too. Does anybody know what the Hindenburg was?

I guess there’s always the circus if this music thing doesn’t pan out for KELLY.

BILLY SUNDAY’s LATE NITE FUNK FLIX

Saturday, September 2nd, 2006

tighty whities

BeYONCE: Know thy future…

HOTTENTOT VENUS 2006

Friday, September 1st, 2006

hottentot venus

The Model Minority was kind enough to lace us a few months back with a blurb on the sad story of the SAARTJIE BAARTMAN, the Venus of Hottentot. This is one of the many tragic African characters that faced the three headed Cerberus of colonialism, racism and supremacy. This character was reviled for her natural ample posterior when in the same Victorian culture women wore an apparatus to give them the image of having such a backside. It’s completely nutty to me when I look at her story now because she was openly persecuted, yet secretly idolized and fetishized for her body.

The two major examples of the mainstream media’s continuous Black woman ass fetish are my brownskin baby momma SERENA WILLIAMS a/k/a Court Chocolate a/k/a SHE-HULK and everyone’s favorite high yellow songstress, BeYONCE KNOWLES. Both these ladies are first rate entertainers, but folks in the media can’t get away from what really makes these women popular to them — their big asses.

serena

The New York Times was remarking on how heavy SERENA had become and they even chirped alongside JOHN McENROE and his superiors that said her extre-tennis lifestyle was ruining her power game. I remember when this same McENROE said that VEUNS and SERENA’s power games were ruining women’s tennis. McENROE should go to Hell and die.

My other Hottentot Venus is the purposely vacuous BeYONCE KNOWLES. I’m not old enough to remember the superstar grooming of DIANA ROSS, but I can see some connections between the two now that BeYONCE has immersed herself into acting. I know why DIANA ROSS tried so hard to get us to like her, because she had a difficult background, but with BeYONCE I am a little disturbed. She is completely overexposed for someone who is reportedly only 26. She’s not just burning herself out but she’s burning me out as well. Her name and likeness is attached to to so many things they will need to give her brand products their own wing at Wal-Mart by the time she reaches 30.

beyonce

I’m all for people coming up in the game and making some money so I don’t begrudge BeYONCE her success it’s just that her rapid oversaturation is going to cause a backlash where we will question what we enjoy about her so much.

In the end(pun wholly intended), the MSM doesn’t care about BeYONCE’s staying power because they will invent some celebrity to replace her even if they have to dig through a D-list garbage pail of Black talent. BUFFIE the Body anyone?

buffie

A DP dot com REALITY SHOW…

Thursday, August 31st, 2006

tyrese

or America’s Most Wanted Next Top Mugsot Hairstyle Model.

I don’t know if you kids are up on this or not, but the writers for the program ‘America’s Next Top Model’ have been on strike. Apparently they want to get the same contract that the writers for ‘Flavor of Love’ are using. If you ask me, the writers at ‘FOL’ deserve a better deal because they are smart enough to script the catfight element into some of their episodes(and let’s never forget the hot poop). I always laugh at the fact that most people believe that the shit on these programs really happens organically and not inside the editing room with the director and producers. Anyhoo…

To pick up the programming slack for these striking writers I thought that some of the readers here might be interested in creating our own “reality” show. Here’s the premise… TYRA BANKS is running a halfway house for female convicts. The challenge will be to see which female convict can be the gulliest, most hardbody inmate and return to prison. If a contestant isn’t gully enough, she will be released from the halfway house and returned to her family. The last convict remaining in the house wins.

Here’s how you get involved… All writers will be assigned their character’s mugshot. You have to name them and describe what their criminal background is. The next step is for you to write five sentences of dialogue for your character. You can say and do anything you want, but you have to create only five sentences. My assignment as director of the program will be to stitch all the sentences together in a stream. Think of this project as kind of an experimental internets interactive multi-player ‘exquisite corpse’. Uh, yeah…

Here’s an example…

brandy sue simmons BRANDY SUE SIMMONS
BRANDY SUE was convicted of ironing her children’s clothes… while her kids were still wearing them.

If y’all don’t get from ’round that porch I will fillet y’all with my daddy’s scissors.

Who drank the last of the Kool-Aid? I’m gone pee in this container the next time.

I told you your honor I stopped passing fake checks when my momma died as respect to her.

I once ate a little bit of doodee when I tossed my girlfriends’ salad, strangely, I remember that there was a cherry tomato there too.

Yes, I stabbed her with the bank pen attached to that little chain, and I hope she gets bank pen ink poisoning!


All of the dialogue for each character won’t appear in the initial episode of course and at the end of every episode I will post a list of the cast members included. This is a pretty ambitious project for me, but all it requires of you is five minutes and a perverse sense of humor. Who feels like having some fun?