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I’m a little pissed off that people are talking about doing an adaptation of FRANK MILLER’s ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ without including a Robin character. The current director of the Batman cinematic series, CHRIS NOLAN, says he will jump off the project if he has to insert a Boy Wonder into the mix.

*Newsflash to CHRIS NOLAN: Go kill yourself bitch!

For starters, the Robin character from ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ is NOT a boy wonder, she’s a girl. Second, and more importantly, the character is crucial to the story.

The Robin character is Batman’s last link to his own humanity. Without that character to tether him to the ground he becomes this total maniac curmudgeon with no focus. The Robin character reminds Batman (or does she remind us) that everything he does is for the kids. Just like Wu Tang, but with way more broken necks.

In all the box office glee that ‘The Dark Knight’ has generated most people are starting to forget all the elements that made ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ storyline so incredible. I can flesh them out for you in five simple lines…

1. Batman = Hardbody deluxe curmudgeon
2. Robin = Eager young girl – perfect, who thought of this?
3. Joker = Batman with a better sense of humor
4. Catwoman = Definitely got smashed out in a three-way with BM and Joker
5. Superman = Super douchebag who deserves the ass kicking that Batman gives him

You can’t possibly fuck that storyline up if you address those elements with fidelity. I understand that everyone is all turned on by this portrayal of the Batman who doesn’t smile or crack jokes because he only cracks skulls. But if you read ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ as MILLER really wrote it you will see the humor within the depravity of the characters.

I’m not trying to return to the campy, cartoonish aspect of the Batman live features, but I want ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ to be made as awesome as the book(s) it is adapted from were written.