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Twitter HaXorz Go Biggtime…

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

twitter monkey

Twitter is shitting on the blogosphere. I can create a drop(post) using 140 characters including spaces and punctuation. That’s already less characters than I’ve used in this post so far. It is effectually microblogging and it is rumbling across the internets like a stampede of wild rhinoceratti. Twit with me @ DP2FTV.

I love that shit, but it was already showing signs of dying by virtue of popularity. The fact that people are Twitting while working, driving, eating, and even while sleeping has added to the streams of inanity insanity. Who the fuck cares what you just ate for lunch? Oh, avocado salad? That sounds tasty. Man, fuck that shit! And now some haXorz have infiltrated the Twitter database and taken over the accounts of celebrities.

Here are some of the Twitter entries that the haXorz posted…

FOX News
“Breaking: Bill O Riley is gay”

CNN’s RICK SANCHEZ
“i am high on crack right now might not be coming into work today”

BRITNEY SPEARS
“Hi Yall! Brit Brit here, just wanted to update you on the size of my vag”

I need some haXorz to take over this site, but I need them to post content about sneakers, comic books and the best places to leave deuces in NYC. Then I can finally get some sleep at night.

Posted in Blipsters = Hipsters, Harpers Weekly Review, iNternets Celebrities, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Talking Shit, The MGMT, Weird Science | 7 Comments »

Predictions For 2029…

Friday, January 2nd, 2009

I think I will zag while most people are zigging. I will still Zig-Zag in 2009, actually, I am doing more bonging and bowling. I never really zagged at all. Especially since the Gonzaga basketball team is affectionately nicknamed the ‘Zags in the mainstream sports media. White men can’t jump. My point is that I like to do shit different not just to do shit different but to do shit on a more futuristic level.

How many nickel and dime fools are talking about 2008 like that shit was all that? Nothing happened in 2008 that is gonna change shit in 2009, but in 2016 we will have the first woman president of the United States of America and that will bring all kinds of crazy shit into our lives. We won’t even hardly be listening to rap music by then. The kids will be listening to this crazy melding of country music, salsa and R-n-B that was created by WyClef, T-Pain and Taylor Swift during a threesome they had in Mexico.

If you hate auto-tune you might should kill yourself today. The hottest christmas present in 2010 was this cellphone that converts all voices into that robotix sound you hear next to the MySpace captchas. That shit is fresh homeys. The best part is that all the people with emphysema that have had their tracheas removed don’t feel so fucked the fuck up anymore when they speak in public.

In 2029 some of us celebrate the 20th anniversary of the demise of MTV. It was a tough pill for MTV to swallow in 2009 that upon turning 28yrs old they were irrelevant and laughed at for their vain attempts to control the younger and stronger YouTube and its cousins like MetaCafe, Kyte and Vimeo. That and the legions of disgruntled former Viacom employees who help found the indie artist music network called fMtv (I pray one of my friends copyrights this).

Thankfully there are still some things that harken back to the simpler years like 2008…

DMX is arrested weekly.

T.I.’s gospel music tops the charts.

Asher Roth is widely considered the greatest rapper of all time.

No female rap records are released, but Jean Grae wins an Oscar for her portrayal of Leslie Uggams.

Jay-Z and BeYonce admit to being married after she hires cryogenically frozen attorney Raoul Felder to file divorce papers.

XXL Columnist and iNternets Celebrity Billy X. Sunday dies in fiery bus crash in Cuba.

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Black Bullshit, Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, iNternets Celebrities, Ninjas, Social Upheaval, Talking Shit, When I Reminisce... | 3 Comments »

HAPPY NERD YEAR!

Thursday, January 1st, 2009

dpeezy

Let’s go in bigger and better than evar!

Yeah, yeah, I know…

“That’s what she said”

Thanks to eskay and n8tion, Rafi, Cas, UnKut, 2dopeboyz, Terrence Elenteny, Marvelous Mo, Combat Jack, khal@rockthedub, VeE, the prA’li believers, Liam, Joshua, Amadeo, Peter, Jeff, Tony, Tiffany, Lion XL, Regina from Sweden, Andre from effin’ Switzerland, illroots, propertalks, Piper Carter, 1969, 2830, Royal, H8torade, Eff, 40 Diesel and Mighty Healthy, Ferris Bueller, Chubbs, PaperChasr, Dee and Chad from Obsessive Sneaker Disorder, The Shoe Game, Jermaine Dupri and Lil’ Bow Weasle, Pete @ Premium Laces NY, Duk-ki @ Major, Dart Adams, Ambassador, Maxine, Nerditry, Desedo Films, Rooftop Films, Bronx River Parkway, DaRuffian, Hobbs, Carl ‘Jackpot’ Chery, Kev Clark, LowKey, Dave Lucas, Stephen Lewis, The Apple store in SoHo-NYC, Flawless Hustle, BeatHustle, Joell Ortiz, Block Royal, Heltah Skeltah, DuckDown, Deceps, Asher Roth, Joe Budden, George Bush, all the haters,

Old ass curmudgeon ass Ernie Paniccioli, and of course, but certainly never least nor last, Tony’s Kansas City.

And especially all of you good folks that wade through my typos and my inane rants on bullshit or the whatever.

This one is for y’all.

*pops champagne*

Posted in Black Bullshit, iNternets Celebrities, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Talking Shit, The MGMT | 11 Comments »