Archive for the ‘Weird Science’ Category

NIGAZ AIN’T SHIT!

Thursday, July 2nd, 2009

niger

Africa will never be allowed to get her shit right. EVAR!

I was skimming through some stories over the weekend regarding the environmental aramgeddon beset upon the folks in the Niger delta. The images on this drop were culled from that article. I normally don’t give two fux about Africa because of the whole Trans-Atlantic slave trade thingy and the Africans complicit role in that shit, but the story about the rape of the continent’s resources was too much to not bear witness.

Then I peeped this TWit from my boy HIMANSHU (1/2 of the futuristic rap duo Das Racist). Click the image to read the article.

heems twit

GTFOH!?!

It ain’t even the trade name that has my mind blown but the fact that Russia is now coming through to spark some civil unrest. No one comes to Africa to take shit without setting the natives up to kill one another. At least Mexico hasn’t come to Africa yet. That’s when you know shit is truly fucked the fuck up.

The Niger delta is already looking like Chernobyl. What’s next?

niger

Do You Dew…

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

mtn dew blue

I thought my homey HowFresh had a connect to the PepsiCo. people in Westchester way back when I started making my Mountain Dew web videos. I haven’t heard from HowFresh since so I hope he was able to pitch an idea or two to them in order to get his sneaker paper up.

The truth is that I would fux with Mountain Dew without some marketing money because I like that shit. I was in Atlanta telling my mom about Mtn Dew when 20/20 or some other fuckwad news program was featuring all those kids with alleged ‘Mountain Dew mouth’. I didn’t even bat an eyelash. I kept drinking my Mountain Dew blue. The trade name for the product is ‘Voltage’ but I call it blue.

Just recently I saw that Mountain Dew has released several flavors of ‘Game Fuel’. One of the flavors had a blue coloring and I bought it to see what the taste was like. It sucked. The real Mountain Dew blue is like a Smurfberry punch, while this Mtn Dew ‘Game Fuel’ is like a blue Hawaiian for its tropical flavor infusion. When some manufacturer starts fuxing with my lifestyle is when I have to get my guns, er, pens out.

Memo to PepsiCo:
Thank you for your efforts to bring back good taste by using sugar again in your carbonated beverages.

Kudos to you for creating the delicious flavor of Mountain Dew ‘Voltage’. The hints of raspberry and ginseng really bring out the blue.

Thank you for making Mountain Dewthpaste which helps me maintain good oral hygiene while I enjoy the different Mtn Dew products.

What is this blue ‘Game Fuel’ shit?!? Keep the ‘Game Fuel’ color orange just like the World of Warcraft logo.

DON’T FUX UP MY MOUNTAIN DEW BLUE!

Thank you in advance,

The DP.com Mgmt.

mtn dew blue

When Men Were Men, And the Sheep Ran Scared…

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

blipster

The assault on manhood continues as the Black hipster, the blipster, is questioned about his sexuality.

Japanese men called herbivores eschew conspicuous consumerism, social interaction and women.

A lamb in New Zealand was born with seven legs and is a hermaphrodite.

What all of this means to me is that eating lamb from New Zealand could give a man lady tits, but eating salad in Japan is viewed as having lady parts and skinny jeans are still really only for the ladies.

Black Enterprise…

Friday, May 22nd, 2009

enterpise

I apologize to 1969 and any of you folks who wanted me to submit a review of Star Trek (2009). Let’s call this movie ‘Enterprise Origins’ from here on in. I haven’t seen a bad review anywhere and I prA’li won’t be the first to tell you this film is a must-see movie. Despite the fact that TYLER PERRY managed to get himself cast as a starfleet administrator I’d go see this flick again just for the scene of Uhura sticking her tongue down Spock’s mouf.

I’m more of a fan of the campy 1960’s Star Trek program than I was of the later generational television shows or even the movies. RICARDO MONTALBAN was the hardbody shiite in that ‘Wrath of Khan’ joint though. Star Trek needed an update pretty bad. They needed something that made them younger and better looking than they had been in decades. Plus, as quiet as its kept, or not so much, they needed some good fucking actors. SHATNER is certainly one of the most beloved actors in Hollywood, but it is obvious that he was meant to portray the hammy Priceline.com pitchman more than a starfleet captain.

The new, improved Star Trek was absolutely the best movie in their canon because it divulged the backstory of all the legacy characters while holding tight to the idiosyncracies that endeared the OG TV series to us. Kirk has sex with green female aliens. Dr.Bones shows the attitude of a grizzled, know-it-all doctor. Scotty is without question a traditional Irishman, although sadly we don’t get to watch him take an actual drink. ZOE SALDANA as Uhura brings all the exotic sexyness that NICHELLE NICHOLS first inserted into that role.

Part of our real attraction to Star Trek were the campy acting performances and the mod costuming that GENE RODDENBERRY employed. There was a bit of whimsy in the series as well as the morality that every episode tried to translate as we found out that alien races were just as emotionally flawed as us humans. Star Trek is the godfather of the intergalactic soap opera mixed with high tech fantasy. From this DNA we have extracted the Star Wars, BattleStar Galactica, Firefly, StarGate and Babylon 5 canons. Not to mention the enumerable Star Trek spinoff series. The writing for Star Trek was always the key.

The storyline of the new Star Trek film was J.J.ABRAMS coup. He has created the origin of the OG crew of the starship Enterprise. He did it with action and verve. He also did it with remembrance. LEONARD NIMOY’s cameo was only slightly far-fetched, and ZACHARY QUINTO’s performance as the young(er) Spock more than made up for that. If you still haven’t seen this movie then you need to stop reading this drop and find yourself in a movie theatre tonight. It’s been the best movie of the summer blockbuster season so far.

MICHEAL VICK AND THE MISSING LINK…

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

croc dog

^^^ Your greatest grandfather!

‘Missing link’ primate likely to stir debate

The missing link for human evolution has been uncovered in Europe. The key factor for mammal development was our ability to bring the ocean on land with us. That and the talent to retain a heating plant inside of our bodies.

The animal credited with being the ‘missing link’ looks something like a crocodile dog. I’m hoping that science will allow us to recreate these animals so that we can study them further, and make them fight in an arena ‘Thunderdome’ stylee.

MICHAEL VICK could emcee the contests. Fuck the football. Croc Dog battles is the future from the past.