Archive for the ‘Ninjas’ Category

EPIC. HANGOVER…

Friday, June 19th, 2009

dos equis

This saga started with some of the Go In Brothers. Ruffian, Sandman and the kid Jackpot. We linked at a non-descrip bar on Grand Street in SoHo for the pre-game.

I started off with Belvedere and tonic because I don’t play that shit.

go in brothers
go in brothers
go in brothers

The event later this night was some shit put on by Dos Equis which has the illest commercials in the game right now.

At the spot the Go In Brothers were caught up in the flashing lights of the whole scene. I lost contact with them early as I finessed my way up to the roof deck level of the party. They had a swimming pool in the lower level of the building and I even considered going swimming, but then I realized that if a Puerto Rican and a Chinaman were both in the pool along with me I would end up with an ear infection [ll].

So I passed on swimming with the Dos Equis girls for hanging out with my two fists of Stoli and grenadine on ice (compliments of Dos Equis, but of course). Fools were getting tipped over at this party. There were easily several thousand people in the entire building. Many were there for the DJ sets of Bobbito and ?uestlove but most looked to be ad agency runoff cornballs. There were some dames though. Just hard to quantify with all the lames (myself included).

dp
^ Yes, I have not removed my ‘Media’ pass since Roots picnic FTMFW!

dp
^ Franz from the Ruck Down Records mailroom.

dp
dp
^ I have no idea what performance art these chicks were up to, but whatever it was shouts to Dos Equis for the almost nip slip (yes Janet Jackson).

dp
dp
^ LeBron might could need to start drinking Dos Equis like this dude.

dp
^ Dame.

dp
^ Lame. Major PU~ when your night ends in handcuffs, police handcuffs.

On to the next spot which would be club Sutra on 1st and 1st. My homie from forever GudTyme was hosting along with DJ Rob Swift. GudTyme is the dude who gave me my early taste of showbiz back when he used to tour with the X-Ecutioners. One time at a Lil’ X video shoot I made the cardinal mistake of any entourage member by hitting up the craft services before the talent. I haven’t been invited on a music video set since.

*Sidebar: I left the craft services alone at the Roots Jam Session even though the honey turkey slices and Swiss cheese was caaaaaaaaaallin’ me.*

So back to the matter at hand which was to keep getting my shit fucked the fuck up. Gudtyme and Swift laced me with drink tickets. I felt myself having a hard time pushing back the fourth K-1 and tonic. I was waterlogged at this poiint and I had to drive home to Freeport. Good for me that once I left Manhattan the rest of my flight home was via highways.

Call 2 Earl? NEVA!

Here’s some more pics of the DP nightlife shenanigans…

dp
^ My mans-n-them GudTyme.

dp
^ No wifing in the club, now gimme $20!

dp
^ PU~ to having your eyebrows in shape, but your mustache hair on 1,000. Shorty on the right is definitely the nuttgoblin because she looks like she’s heavy into nutt gobbling. BTW, it was her birthday.

dp
^ RobSwift what up?!? Let me get that drink ticket fam.

dp
dp
^ Drunk and hot girls.

dp
^ K-1 and tonic because I am so smooth, smooth, smoooooooth.

Drumsticks >>> Fishsticks…

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

bt

Mel D. Cole has his eye on music.

It finally happened for me internets. The skies opened up and I was granted backstage access to the Roots Jam Session at the Highline Ballroom. It was the moment that I had been waiting for. To witness the greatest living band, yes I said it, Fuck Yo’ Metallica!, as they prepared for their weekly show.

It was exactly as I had imagined it would be. Contemplative. Intense. Familial. And more crowded than a muvv up in that muvv. I tried to be a fly on the wall, albeit, a 375lb. fly on the wall. It didn’t work totally, but I think I finally crossed over to the other side. We’ll see what happens next week when I try to win again.

The Roots Jam Session is actually better than the baby wipes revolution. Because it is completely unpredictable. I always leave the Jam Session feeling like I peeled back another layer of the Roots artistry. You already know that ?uestlove is the sorcerer that keeps the groove in line just like Black Thought knows everyones rhymes. Speaking of lines, Styles P forget HIS own lines on the track ‘Rising Down’ but Black Thought spit his rhymes for him while Styles became his hype man.

Bilal returned to the Jam Session as well as Tanya Morgan but the guest that impressed the most on me was this young lady who rocked the bass for a funky little set. The Roots Jam Session is one of the few if not only places you can go to see women musicians who aren’t just singers. The Jam Session is possibly the most hip-hop shit going on since the late 1970’s. Before graffiti and rap music moved into the galleries and discos downtown. Well, ironically the Highline Ballroom IS downtown and not in the Bronx.

Don’t tell me that you want to go to the Jam but you can’t buy tickets online. Chocolate Snowflake just purchased our tickets for the July 14th show and my homey from the DMV will be coming uptop for the July 21st set. This is the best $10 you are going to spend anywhere in New York City. The good news is that I see they have extended their run into November. You have no excuse for not fuxing with the legendary. You already know I will be there.

Still Doing The Right Thing…

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

dtrt

This week is the twentieth anniversary of the release of SPIKE LEE’s seminal and most controversial film ‘Do The Right Thing’. The critics accused LEE of promoting riots among African-Americans across the nation, especially here in New York City.

At the time, we were still smarting in this here town from the wounds of racial strife. There were the blatant incidents of fatal excessive force used by the police and the polarizing cases like TAWANA BRAWLEY’s alleged rape and MICHAEL GRIFFITH’s murder from a lynch mob that gave Blacks so much angst and tension.

On the flip side there was the Central Park Jogger case, which occurred only a couple of months prior to the film’s release and was a tremendously raw open gash on our collective city psyche. The Central Park jogger case was particularly jarring to me because it was clearly designed as a reaction to the assumed threat of young, Black teenagers. I was so enraged by the coverage of that case by the New York Times because they printed the suspects names and addresses, even though they all were all children under 16 yrs old.

These suspects reminded me of myself and my friends during high school. By this time I was living on my own, away from my parents, in an apartment in Corona Queens. The suspects in the Central Park jogger case were like the young teenagers that attended Brooklyn Tech, Graphic Communications and Park West high schools who were current members of the Decepticons. There was no way these kids committed this crime because I knew that I wouldn’t have and I would have been one of the guys leading that wolfpack.

There was nothing that I would not have stolen back then, and NO ONE that I wouldn’t have robbed, but in no stretch of the imagination would we have raped a woman, especially a white. Not only would I not have done that, I would have taught the kids that followed me the same thing, just like Megatron taught me there was some shit that I should NEVER do, both for practical reasons and because, believe it or not, the Decepticons had ethics. You can believe that last line, or not, but believe that we didn’t just do dumb shit for the hell of it because that would result in police attention and then someone being arrested which would end up with more people being arrested due to guilt by association. The zero sum gain was to be avoided.

‘Do The Right Thing’ was vindication for the Decepticons because the controversy of the movie illustrates that property loss is valued over the life of a Black male. Later that summer SoundWave and I attended the Greekfest at Virginia Beach. We were part of a riot that swept over the city for several days until the National Guard arrived to shut the bullshit down. If there was a riot spawned by the movie, then it was started by college kids who felt abused that property was valued at a higher level than they were. Plenty of property was damaged during that Labor Day weekend event. I’m sure that part of my destructive attitude was influenced by the movie and the recent death of YUSUF HAWKINS by a lynch mob in Bensonhurst.

SoundWave and I were just 19 and 18 years old respectively, but we were both savvy New York City teenagers who worked full-time day jobs. SW was a trading assistant on Wall Street for Oppenheimer, while I was an apprentice draftsman under the rabbi and architect from Sheepshead Bay. I call my boss the rabbi because he was a teacher, first and foremost. He literally paid me to learn from him and he even sent me to college with his own money so that I wouldn’t have to take a loan. The rabbi was directly opposite of the racism and classism that existed in NYC and he eventually convinced me that I had no opportunity for advancement in the streets.

The point that I make by mentioning the rabbi here is that he understood everything about why I was so temperamental and so dissuaded from believing that I could really have a stake in my future. Because he was an astute teacher, he recognized how important mainstream information was in the programming of people’s minds and their overall outlook. The climatic scene in ‘Do The Right Thing’ has SPIKE LEE’s character destroy the one thing in his community that was central to all those within it because he feels he has no stake in his future. The SPIKE LEE character was diametrically opposed to the eldest son of the shop owner. Both characters felt trapped in their lives and in their skin.

The rabbi helped me to see that I wasn’t trapped in my skin any more than that if I believed it. The rabbi taught me that working and learning were the only way to insure that I could create a future for myself where I would be more valuable than property. Racism and classism will always exist because of the profit they generate for supremacy. However, the schisms those isms created can be surmounted, but not without a commitment to progressively making oneself smarter and better. One must work though, tirelessly and sometimes thanklessly, to transcend the world’s negativity. The rabbi had a faith in me that I would choose to ‘Do The Right Thing’.

Rappers Are The Young & The Restless…

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

rappers

Don’t you remember a few months ago when we finally decided that cRap music was the new WWE movement? Now all of a sudden the rap game has become a fucking soap opera (a novela para todos mis dominicanos on the threads). Nobody likes anybody anymore and everyone is sleeping with each other [ll].

Why won’t NaS give Kelis any bread? Is that baby his? Or is this one of those Usher situations where he is paying child support for some other dude’s seed? That shit happens in the cRap game more than we can even remember. Didn’t Diddy damn near raise Al B. Sure’s loin products while he was schtooping Kim Porter? Russell Simmons has his war baby daughters calling an African refugee daddy. Okay, maybe not.

Now what happened between Gucci Mane and Young Jeezy? I thought all these southern rappers stuck together to make crappy music? There was this myth that all these performers from Atlanta had enough love for the paper that they could put aside their differences to hop on a Rich Boy remix together. Except Shawty Lo and T.I. They aren’t really fuxing with each other right now.

They’re FRENEMIES

I thought that Young Jeezy didn’t fux with T.I. either, because Jeezy was CTE and T.I. was Grand Hustle? And who is BMF? Gucci Mane? Is Rick Ro$$ still Carol City or did he switch up to Lens Crafters because he likes shades so much. Don’t let me find out that Ro$$ is now SHC (Sunglasses Hut Cartel). I’m obviously not paying close enough attention to this cRap shit.

I need to know who is in jail right now. Is anyone keeping a scorecard at home? I’m glad that DMX is free again. When we would have slow news days around here at the XXL virtual offices X was always good for getting arrested for violating his probation. Whick reminds me… Where the hell is Jayceon Taylor? He hasn’t been arrested in a minute. In between all of this bullshit I keep spinning the new Mos Def album. Its dope and pushes up the level of discourse.

Mos Def isn’t exempt from the drama either. I see where he has challenged other cRappers to a pay-per-view cage match. Someone please send Mos the memo. Rappers are soap opera stars now. Instead of wrestling they’ll just be young and restless.

When Men Were Men, And the Sheep Ran Scared…

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

blipster

The assault on manhood continues as the Black hipster, the blipster, is questioned about his sexuality.

Japanese men called herbivores eschew conspicuous consumerism, social interaction and women.

A lamb in New Zealand was born with seven legs and is a hermaphrodite.

What all of this means to me is that eating lamb from New Zealand could give a man lady tits, but eating salad in Japan is viewed as having lady parts and skinny jeans are still really only for the ladies.