Social Upheaval « dallaspenn.com

Archive for the ‘Social Upheaval’ Category

BOBBY BROWN, SOCIAL VISIONARY

Wednesday, November 15th, 2006

You gotta get up pretty early in the morning if you want to hold the number one slot on a motherfucker’s bookmark toolbar. To tell you the truth, I don’t mind being number two since sloppy seconds are all I ever wanted in the first place.

So everybody is talking about how BOBBY BROWN is about to be a dad all over again with the super whore Superhead as the B.M.(baby mama) in question. Talk about an ‘illseed’?!? What I think most of us are missing though is BOBBY’s stance on geo-politics and this whole environmental conservation movement. BOBBY is essentially saying that we all should fuck the Earth. Fuck the Earth in the ass gotdammit.

There’s this elitist movement to conserve the Earth’s resources for future generations as if that is really a good thing. Meanwhile, we continue to create wealth for only 1% of the population of the planet. Everybody else has to eat shit sandwiches on the regulack, and this is on a good day. So saving the Earth will only benefit this same tiny elite group which is in charge of fucking over the planet in the first place. That’s like a global do-over movement.

BOBBY BROWN says fuck the Earth. Yeah, he acts like he is shooting blanks but when he gets to touch some poon he likes, ‘BONG’, he puts his foot in it. You could call that his ‘carbon footprint‘. BOBBY will have five by four. Imagine if you will that Superhead’s poon slot is like the Earth’s protective atmosphere. How many times has that hole been penetrated?!? And more importantly, the resilience of Superhead to maintain her lifestyle is further proof that the Earth doesn’t need us to conserve anything. The Earth will just make some more. If anything you should see Superhead as the Earth in that even she recognizes it’s time to make white start paying for the pussy.

Don’t listen to AL GORE or any of these conservatives that say that the Earth is in grave danger. I’ve never seen Superhead look as good as she does now.

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Black Bullshit, Ghetto Celebs, Lust = Love, Social Upheaval | 5 Comments »

DALLAS PENN Hearts SPY Magazine

Monday, November 13th, 2006

This year is the twentieth anniversary of what I will argue is the most influential magazine in the last… Twenty years.

SPY magazine was a monthly tribute to the festering underbelly of politics, economics and society in New York City and in America. They featured fleshed out exposes that illuminated the depravity and ginormous greed in corporate cultures like Wall Street and Madison Avenue. SPY magazine was that CEO’s personal assistant spilling the beans about who was bilking the company out of their retirement fund savings. DONALD TRUMP and his horrible hairpieces were always placed on Front Street.

You can’t imagine the party that was thrown when SPY finally shuttered their doors. It was a great relief to the classless upper-class that they could finally return to their normal obnoxious state of being. They could kick up the legs and dance without SPY magazine nipping at their well-heeled heels. Here’s a rundown of some of the usual suspects that were featured in SPY magazine who might not have remained so prominent in the public eye if the magazine was still on the shelves. PAT ROBERTSON, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, BILL COSBY, NANCY REAGAN, LIZ SMITH, BILL CLINTON, MARTHA STEWART, PAUL McCARTNEY, DONALD TRUMP, OPRAH WINFREY, HILLARY CLINTON, GEORGE BUSH Sr.

My english teacher in Brooklyn Tech H.S. would bring in all sorts of publications for us to read. From the New York Times to Vanity Fair to The Observer. All those rags were lily white and they spoke to me as if I weren’t good enough to touch the paper they were printed on, but SPY magazine made fun of the whole lot. It stripped away pretension and privilege by showing that those who flaunt it the most deserve it the least.

It’s true that I knowingly co-opted the ‘Seperated At Birth’ theme from SPY, but what I failed to remember is that they also used to run a ‘Celebrity Math’ feature. I will tell you in a New York City minute that SPY magazine’s writing is what has birthed my sense of quasi-journalism and as I scan the blogosphere and even broadcast television I can see that the spirit of that magazine lives on. From Gawker to the Daily Show there are an endless amount of outlets carrying SPY’s DNA code of spot on humor and razor sharp snark.

If I could have told the editor’s of the magazine twenty years ago that GEORGE BUSH Sr’s drunken son would be a two term president and that ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER would be governor of California and that DONALD TRUMP would climb out of bankruptcy to become the King of New York City real estate they prah’lee would have told me to go ‘Get A Life’.

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Crappers, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review, Lust = Love, Separated @ Birth, Social Upheaval, Sports are Gay, Straight Laced, T.O.N.Y., When I Reminisce... | 2 Comments »

New York’s New Governor Keeps It Gangsta

Sunday, November 12th, 2006

Editor’s note: RD is the hardest working man in the blogosphere. When he isn’t coaching superstar rappers about work ethic at their listening parties, he’s writing for no less than fifty different outlets. King Magazine online, Hip-Hop Universe, About dot com, and his very own website called, I Did It All Before My Twelth Birthday. Not to clown RD either, because he has shown that he has a mind that extends to issues far out of the reach of the majority of teenagers in America. We’re happy that he contributes to this site and we’re excited to see him jumping into the pool of politricks. The water is deep and filled with sharks, but RD has the kind of self-confidence of a Hawaiian swimmer. Let’s peep his post election gubernatorial summary.

Most of you Hip Hop cats stay as far away from politics as possible. Y’all treat politics like an estranged baby mama – distant and cancerous. There are also a large percentage of you that think politics is limited to how hairy George Bush’s ass is. Sorry, guys politics is more than just that. If y’all can just stop watching BET for a minute, and let me kick a few lines, we can all learn something valuable from politics.

If you know anything about anything you know that Eliot Spitzer was recently elected governor of NY (not like any of you voted, anyway) by defeating John Faso (the equivalent of a hapless mixtape rapper). What is more remarkable is that DL Smooth E (Democrats Love Smooth Elliot) kept it politically gully throughout his campaign. As an Attorney general, he went through the ass to make sure no shady business was going down. He gunned down each big dog in their respected field until he stood alone on the battlefield clutching his gold locket (he’s Jewish, you know). His list of prosecuted reads like a Christmas wish list:

1) Hot 97 (remember, that smack fest shit?)

2) Sony (payola)

3) AIG (accounting fraud)

4) Merrill Lynch (shady stock market manuevers)

5) Wall Street

6) S.E.C.

Shit, the only thing he hasn’t attacked yet is colon cancer. He ‘spitz’ real talk that exalts the practice of ethics which will hopefully prevent lascivious homos like Mark “Your ass” Foley from calling your son at night. Spitzer is the combustible creation made up of the grind of papoose mixed with the ruthlessness of a pre-Interscope 50 cent, stirred with the dexterity of Jay. I’m telling y’all these Jew boys come to play. If Spitzer decides to drop an album, it’s revo (the torah is read backwards). He and Scott Storch should collaborate and make an album called “I’m a Jew, So Fuck you”. It’s never too late to convert to Judaism.

Now imagine if your favorite rapper went about his business like my boy Eliot Spitzer, we wouldn’t have all this shuckling and snapping foolishness. Cats wouldn’t be decrying the domination of the South or even acknowledging the mediocrity; they would do like Spitzer and just prosecute that ass. A lot can be learned from DL Smooth E.

-RD

Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Ghetto Celebs, Social Upheaval, T.O.N.Y. | 5 Comments »

FISTY SCENT: Ghetto Patriot

Saturday, November 11th, 2006

Everytime I get ready to kill CURTIS over something that I think he is being selfish or ig’nant about he shows me that he is thinking outside the box and is considering humanity and the greater good.

In an effort to keep young Americans informed about the dangers of terrorism here in the United States FISTY SCENT has teamed up with the Department of Homeland Security to clarify the color coding system of the Terror Threat Levels.

By using colored du-rags FISTY SCENT will illustrate that Hip-Hop cares about America.

THREAT LEVEL NORMAL

GREEN DU-RAG
When FISTY released the ‘Power Of The Dollar’ CD he was wearing a green du-rag from the cash advance that Columbia Records gave him.

THREAT LEVEL GUARDED

BLUE DU-RAG
Local Southside Queens thugs were jealous of FISTY and his green du-rag so they shot him up. This made him upset and blue, hence the blue du-rag. Also he was in guarded condition from this point on since he was a Federal witness in a money laundering case against a legendary drugpin.

THREAT LEVEL ELEVATED

YELLOW DU-RAG
The yellow du-rag is for stay alert status and that is how FISTY had to play the streets while his beef with JA-RULE reached a climax.

THREAT LEVEL HIGH

ORANGE DU-RAG
Orange du-rags had to put on after Jam Master Jay was killed. This is a very high terror alert for FISTY and he had problems with JADAKISS, FAT JOE, NAS, JA RULE and pretty much all of New York.

THREAT LEVEL SEVERE

RED DU-RAG
We almot got up to the red du-rag when FISTY called out PUFF DIDDY but thankfully the yellow du-rag came back out. All hell will be breaking loose once the red du-rag gets put on. Let’s hope we don’t have to see that one.

A sincere apology is made to the website contributor RD from us for creating a du-rag post without his expert input (no Weezy F Baby).

Posted in Black Bullshit, Crappers, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, Social Upheaval | 5 Comments »

Archive for the ‘Social Upheaval’ Category

BOBBY BROWN, SOCIAL VISIONARY

DALLAS PENN Hearts SPY Magazine

New York’s New Governor Keeps It Gangsta

JAY-Z + NAS = BUDS

FISTY SCENT: Ghetto Patriot