Archive for the ‘white’ Category

Stuff White Kids Like…

Friday, October 16th, 2009

swiss knife

Being a bad parent isn’t strictly the province of minorities or the poor and working class.

Being a bad parent is also stuffwhitepeoplelike

What parent sends their kindergartner to school with a Swiss army pocket knife and then gets irate when their child gets suspended? The same parents that would be suing the shit out of said school if some other kid brought that weapon to class and fileted their child’s eyesocket. If they wanted their child to be John Rambo so badly how about you homeschool him so he doesn’t stab anybody? Don’t think that 6yr olds don’t know how to get it in. They internalize television the same way we do.

More 6yr old fuckery courtesy of teh white was the TWitter sensation ‘#balloonboy’. Some pre-school kid reportedly took off in a helium-filled balloon and had the news media transfixed for hours. This makes me think some shit was getting fuxed the fux up with the economy while we were having our chains pulled with this story. If the #balloonboy and the baby Rambo are what we can expect as the outcome from the suburban parentage, Chcago’s DERRION ALBERT isn’t the exception any longer. He is now the national norm.

C.Y.E. = Must See TV…

Monday, October 5th, 2009

cye

Curb Your Enthusiasm is the only thing you need a television for. That and Adult Swim. I kind of stopped fuxing with Curb after the whole KKKramer incident since it was obvious that those dudes were racist bigots, but there were so many funtimes I had with those racist bigots that I couldn’t stay away forever.

After getting up to speed with this season’s episodes we find that Larry is separated from his wife. For a minute he was dating Vivica Fox, who must have been introduced to him by Wanda Sykes. Larry and Vivica are broken up now because she thinks she saw him cheating on her. Larry is trying to get back with Cheryl now and the scheme he is hatching to do this is a Seinfeld reunion show.

Larry is still the most selfish person on the planet. Curb Your Enthusiasm is still the best show on the television. Watch the latest episode here. Shouts to the Internets Goon.

Reservations In The Sky: THE ROCKAWAYS…

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

hammel

This drop is in part an answer to my friend Gordon Gartrelle from Respectable Negroes. Respect…

I don’t think we fully understand how our economic system has conditioned us to becoming insensitive to the needs of others. We are all lust and desire as creatures now. All greed all the time. We didn’t get this way overnight though. It took us about fifty years to completely ruin our economy, our promise to future generations and our comittment to the elderly. We did it through the demonization of socialism. We did it through the dismantling of our nation’s manufacturing infrastructure.

We hold up capitalism as the ideal of freedom, but true capitalism eventually leads to one person holding all of the chips. That is the natural progression of the animal. From mergers to acquisitions to one day Disney owning everyone’s social security number. You can’t tell me that generations of celebrating opulence has not imbued Americans with a false sense of privilege and entitlement.

hammel

Rockaway peninsula comes to mind right now. Several of the Blacks that were incarcerated with me a few weeks back were from Arverne in Rockaway. The Rockaway community was a secluded wealthy area until Robert Moses constructed two bridges from Brooklyn and Queens that accessed the outer piece of Long Island. Before these bridges were built there was only one remote entry onto the Rockaways through Belle Harbor in Nassau County. Because shipping and manufacturing facilities were still viable in that portion of New York City Robert Moses also constructed public housing so the workers could access their jobs more easily.

I don’t blame Moses for the poverty that would envelope most public housing developments. That was a function of landlords and factory owners being capitalists and relocating their businesses where the profits could be maximized. Unemployment and drugs were the toxic ingredients to the decline of public housing. Arverne and Edgemere are particularly blighted areas because their construction in the early 1960s was the final salvo of public money for residential development. Acres and acres of tracts in the Rockaways are just humongous empty lots overlooking the vast expanse of the Atlantic Ocean.

To the north of the Rockaway inlet is Jamaica Bay and the John F. Kennedy International Airport where Rockaway residents can have a daily view of people going someplace else on a jet plane. People stuck on Rockaway are going nowhere fast as if they were also jet propelled.

hammel

Global Supremacy Daily aka NYTimes: In Faded Beach Community Seeking Rebirth, Projects and Luxury Homes Meet

Capitalism tells the condo owners across the street that more police will be deployed to quell the savage unrest (and stabilize your investment, er, neighborhood). How do you go from abject poverty into a million dollar home across the street? Capitalism used to separate the haves and the have-nots with some railroad tracks or at least a highway. Now you can cross to the next sidewalk to be in full view of what you can not touch. Don’t tell me about personal responsibility today when that isn’t the modus operandi of CitiBank or AIG executives. Why must the savages then subscribe to such nobility?

If this is all these people will ever have then I suppose we should at least make it look presentable in case the neighbors from across the street come over for Thanksgiving dinner. You know, the whole settlers/natives kumbaya romantic conceit that capitalism told you.

hammel

The floors and walls have been cleaned and scrubbed. The hallways have an institutional antiseptic feel to them. Are you in a hospital, a psych ward, a prison or someone’s home? The correct answer would be all of the above. When the final grandmother is evicted from these halls we can tear down this reminder of blight and poverty. Capitalism doesn’t need these landmarks.

hammel

Blaxberry out…

I Wasn’t ‘Bored To Death’…

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

btd wine

Before I talk about the new show that HBO is debuting this weekend I have to tell you my situation. I’m a few days in front of my next paycheck and I’m crawling to the finish line. The only thing saving me in these times are the marketing companies that have listening events or preview parties with free food and drinks. My meal for this day would consist of pizza, along with beef, pork, chicken and fish tacos (ugh, why did I do the fish?). The Hof Brau Dunkel dark lager was deee-effin’-lish. Plus, it had the word Dunk in it’s name. Free food for the motherfuckin’ win everytime. Now that I have taken the edge off I’m ready to watch some television.

HBO has yet to recreate a comedic series as monumentally genius as ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’, but bless their hearts for continually trying. I wasn’t into the ‘Eastbound & Down‘ premiere as much. Don’t get it twisted, I fux with DANNY McBRIDE hardbody, but the writing for that show was visibly cliche to my senses. I was waiting for the rubber chicken to get pulled out. The new series ‘Bored To Death’ is way more watchable and should be a decent post-Curb treat.

The writing for ‘Bored To Death’ isn’t as under the radar smart as ‘Flight Of The Conchords’ (tragically slept on hilarity), but the punchlines and sight gags still snap and pop regularly. The creator and lead writer JONATHAN AMES lives in the urban fiction writer culture of white wine, sex and weed (stuffwhitepeoplelike) so he effortlessly describes it in the show. JASON SCHWARTZMAN plays the lead character who shares the same name as the show’s creator, along with his best buddy played by ZACH GALIFIANAKIS and his boss, for whom the classic TED DANSON has been cast, we have a nice little ensemble ready for the shenanigans to commence.

btd weed

ZACH’s character is a sex obsessed comic book artist, while DANSON is a pot-obsessed magazine editor. The deal with SCHWARTZMAN’s character is he is into the reisling a little too much. How can you be too much into reisling? I don’t know either but I will play along for the sake of laughs that should come from wino humor. Which is something AMES should add to the series now that I think about it. If the lead character is so heavy into his wines that his lady is forced to leave him he should also dabble in the bumwines a bit. That would give a nice little urban edge to this series.

DANSON and GALIFIANAKIS are scene stealers and the situations the lead character puts himself in will bring out the LOLs. I like the idea that the lead is an open minded recreational drug user. So much that he even considers smoking crystal meth. It’s funny to me because the character is supposed to be 30yrs old and not 21 (which is the ONLY age to be a legal recreational drug user). He’s too old to still be this irresponsible, but that is the story of so many other 30yr olds nowadays. JONATHAN AMES did it all so that hopefully you won’t have to make the same mistakes as him. Wine, weed and sex. It’s a wonderful lifestyle if you can live it.

btd sex

WASP RAP FTW!

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

wasp rappers

I got to thinking the other day that we(the respective rap fan collective) were witnessing another golden era of Hip-Hop music thanks to the internets. Every sub-genre of rap music is clearly represented at this moment. From old man rap(Rae) to lightsaber rap(Jay(, from fashionista rap(Yeezy) to retard rap(Weezy), from hardbody smashmouth rap(Ruck) to soft silky smooth Reebok rap(Fab) everyone is getting the shit they love to fux with. What more could we ask for?

But then I was watching a web interview that DJ Whoo Kid was having with Ghostface when Whoo Kid mistakenly asked Ghost about the Wu-Tang Killa ‘Wasps’. Maybe Whoo Kid doesn’t know what the fux he was talking about, or maybe Whoo Kid is from the future and he is telling us about a rap sub-genre that we need to recognize. I think Whoo Kid is from the future. Why haven’t we embraced White Anglo-Saxon Protestant rap yet? Who in the rap game would be able to talk that “money ain’t a thing” shit better than a WASP?

Think about that. All that fancy shit that rappers brag about is the standard shit that a WASP sees on the everyday. The Carnegies, the Vanderbilts, the DuPonts and the Rothschilds wipe their asses with dollar bills. They still have slaves for crissakes! How hardbody is that?!? All these rappers that dream about luxurious shit are wearing the WASPs old shoes and hand me downs. I want to hear what the new-new-NEW shit is gonna be. Maison Martin Margiela? Nah nigga, Silver Saturn Spaceship status.

WASPs be having that shit that even regular white ain’t allowed to touch. Like that shit so exclusive that when they check your DNA you will be denied access. That GATTACA fly shit. That shit where all the Uma Thurman clones walk around naked. Not even BeYonce can get up in there. Her shows have to be televised via satellite because her DNA ain’t right. That WASP shit is that exclusive and the rap game needs to hear about it. That’s it, I’m determined to A & R the first WASP rap superstar. I’m going to the campus of Bard College.