Archive for the ‘The Association’ Category

Wading Into MVP Waters…

Sunday, March 15th, 2009

dwayne wade

I’m not trying to discount everything that DWAYNE WADE has been doing this season. Of all the players being considered for the Association’s MVP statue WADE is clearly playing with the least talent all around him. The Miami Heat are the current version of the Vancouver Grizzlies without WADE in the backcourt.

But is WADE the MVP?

Looking at the latest numbers you can make the argument. WADE recently capped off a tremendous week by becoming the Heat’s all-time leading scorer ahead of ALONZO MOURNING. He did that in a little over half of the games it required MOURNING. DWAYNE WADE is a consistent scorer, but not in the manner that you would want from your MVP’s. KOBE is the dagger scorer who knifes his opponents with 3-pointer and fade-aways so razor sharp that they cut the larynx of the the opposing fans. LeBRON JAMES is the hammer scorer who bullies the basket with thunderous dunks and muscleman jumpers.

dwayne wade

DWAYNE WADE scores 50 points and you have to wonder when did he do it. WADE has the most inappropriate court nickname of all time – “Flash”. His work ethic and countenance on the court belie that moniker. If there ever were a lunch pail superstar in professional basketball then WADE is that guy. Those types of descriptions usually go to modestly skilled non-Black athletes, but WADE is supremely skilled and ridiculously humble. This is why WADE is one of the leading assist making two-guards. Do you remember the big deal the press made when KOBE first learned to give an assist? WADE definitely tries to keep his entire team engaged and alert.

DWAYNE WADE is also a tremendous defensive player. This shouldn’t be overlooked when deciding the MVP even though there is a separate award for defensive player of the year. KOBE might be a better individual defender, while I feel that KOBE is a better all around individual player, but as a team player and a team defender and someone who will answer the bell and do whatever his team needs him to do DWAYNE WADE is that dude.

The only reason I might not grant DWAYNE WADE the MVP award is because of those rumors of him dating STAR JONES right after she divorced AL REYNOLDS. That shit right there is more like M.V.PU~.

dwayne wade

The Black Athlete’s Burden…

Thursday, March 5th, 2009

terrell


Well I hope you are happy
?

I hope you have what you want?

TERRELL OWENS brought some of this ignominy on himself as well, but isn’t that always the case when an athlete steps outside of the box? The NFL in particular is quick to use their media lackeys to posit the outspoken and competitiive star player as someone who lacks the concept of putting the team first. RANDY MOSS caught this characterization previously, ANQUAN BOLDIN and PLAXICO BURRESS more recently.

I’m certainly not defending any of these dudes actions off the field either, but where was the outcry when BRETT FARVE held the Green Bay Packers contractually hostage?

I don’t care if T.O. has a monster season wherever he ends up playing because he won’t be in a Cowboys’ uniform. I’m mad that the owners made this decision to appease a ravenous, bloodthirsty press corps. Or they did it to satisfy the morning drive-in radio listener who thinks he could be a general manager but views the sports landscape from the prism of the 1950’s prior free agency. I wonder what JACKIE ROBINSON would have said if free agncy was available to him?

He would have said nothing, if he were smart.

A Tale Of Two Cities…

Friday, February 6th, 2009

lebreez

I have tried to withstand all the LeBRON JAMES hype that has been generated during this NBA season. The Association is too deft at finding ways to attract me whether it is visceral or emotional. They have a talented athlete celebrity who appears to be the complete package [ll]. All I can say about LeBRON’s performance against the Knicks is that it surpassed ShowBee BRYANT’s 61 points because LeBRON achieved a triple double. Not even a JASON KIDD triple double, but a WILT CHAMBERLAIN triple double.

LeBRON and KOBE are clearly two diametrically opposed forces on a collision course in June called the NBA Finals. If anything else were to happen I would immediately tune out from basketball and devote my full attentions to the Mets championship run with MANUEL RAMIREZ batting cleanup. If the Association knows whats good for them they will bring TIM DONAGHY back just to insure that we are treated to this special finals match up.

I believe that KOBE will eat LeBRON’s food in the Finals. First off, LeBRON has the funnier commercials, but KOBE has the better ad spots. LeBRON doesn’t have fast food ads that were as dope as pre-rape KOBE’s were. LeBRON is telegenic and the whole nine, but KOBE is an ice cold assassin who just doesn’t give a fuck. And more than anything else he wants a title to put his middle finger up to SHAQ.

LeBRON may be the lion king of the the NBA jungle but KOBE is the tiger. The lion knows that it has no predators whereas the tiger sees everything as its enemy. The tiger knows that its time here is short so it kills at will everything on sight. KOBE is from Philadelphia and he knows a thing or two about having the eye of the tiger just like Rocky Balboa did. LeBRON just doesn’t seem to have to battle against that same self doubt that challenges KOBE.

LeBRON knows that we know he is great, and he is happy with that.

KOBE is never happy.

The Association’s Most Viable Propaganda

Sunday, January 11th, 2009

cavs celts

I’m not totally convinced that LeBRON JAMES is ready to be the Association’s Most Valuable Player just yet. I’m not one of those dudes that jumps out of the window during the NBA pre-season i.e. the first 41 games. Let’s take it easy and see who has the best second half. This is when the champs show up. I can’t get serious about basketball until after the Super Bowl. I just can’t.

So why did I find myself at the Mudville 9 Saloon on Chambers Street this past Friday watching the hapless Nets fall to the Bucks who have my favorite name for all sports teams. My only complaint is that the Bucks logo doesn’t remark currency as opposed to some forest animal.

bucks

The feature game in Mudville that night was the Cleveland vs. Boston matchup. At first I thought the game was in Beantown since the Celtics were wearing their tighty whiteys. The game was actually being hosted by Cleveland but I suppose they had some new uni’s to merchandise so therefore the hometeam wore dark colors. Who can follow how many different jerseys your favorite team wears anymore? The NBA is more egregious of this offense than any professional sports league. Combine the look of these retarded uni’s with all the foreign players and I think that I’m sometimes watching a scrimmage between DKV Joventut and Maccabi Electra.

So everyone was talking about this game all week, and by everyone I mean KENNY from Kenny’s Kitchen who held my ears hostage this week about the shortcomings of ALLEN IVERSON, the injury prone TRACY McGRADY and the emergence of LeBRON JAMES. I’m not gonna lie when I tell you that I can’t understand 90% of what KENNY says but I clearly know when he is talking about MING YAO, KOBE BRYANT and LeBRON JAMES.

If a recent immigrant thinks LeBRON JAMES is the truth who am I to argue? The problem is that everyone who comes to America knows KOBE and LeBRON. Blame that fact on the global muscle of Nike. These athletes represent our country inside of Asia. Not politicians, or even movie stars for that matter, but athletes for whom the athletic footwear and apparel industry use as their lynchpin marketers. Do you know how much money Nike invests in KOBE and LeBRON in the research and development departments alone?

So I’m not surprised that LeBRON is off to a tremendous start for this campaign in the ’08-’09 Association season. I’m still wondering if he will he be able to finish off like he did on Friday with thunderous dunks and laser sharp jump shots if he is going to be the only star on Cleveland’s squad? I don’t doubt that LeBRON is a major talent, and for that matter a monster pitchman, its just that I am holding on to my hyperbole until I have the chance to bear WITNESS.

BTW, these prototypes are the hype…

LeBron 6's

Not For Long: Cornbread, Earl & Me

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

earl

Why don’t people don’t name their kids Earl anymore? Or even Jamal? Everything is now Brandon, or Justin. When I was volunteering as a little league coach I used to have to add a description to the names of kids so that I would remember who the hell they were. “Lazy eye” Brandon vs. “McNugget head” Brandon, or “Special Ed” Justin vs. “Whore mother” Justin. If I have a daughter with Chocolate Snowflake I will name her Earl. Not even short for Earlene or some shit, just Earl.

The name Earl came to mind when some folks were talking to me about the New York Giants bruising running back Brandon Jacobs. By the time the fourth quarter rolls around no one wants any part of that dude. The real reason is that the Giants O-line is beating the crap out of people. Brandon Jacobs is a big dude, but he is far from spectacular. When I think of the greatest oversized running backs I reminisce on cats like Christian Okoye who used to put in work and the man of all oversized running backs, Earl Campbell.

earl

Earl could beat the shit out of you AND outrun you. Secondary defensemen wanted NO parts of Earl Campbell evar. He was laying fools out with the forearm shiver or whenever he dipped his shoulder.

So all you folks that think a dude named Brandon is so effin’ special you might should need to sit your ho asses down right quick. That is Texas Longhorn speak for respect Earl Campbell and all of his rushing titles and MVP awards.

The 2009 DP Dot Com NFL Playoff Pool

Okay, so here are the parameters a.k.a. the rules and shit, for the DP Dot Com NFL playoff pool.

You can only pick one(1) offensive player per team. So if you chose D’Angelo Hall as your RB you can NOT select Steve Smith as a WR. Take your time and use strategy when assembling your team. You will only get points when your player plays so be careful of the 1st round byes and teams you think will only play one game. Your team must consist of…

PLAYERS
1 QB
2 RB
2 WR
1 TE
1 FLEX(could be a running back, wide receiver, or tight end)
1 Kicker
1 Defense/Special Teams

SCORING
6 pts- TD Rushing, Receiving, Passing
6 pts- Defensive TD, Kickoff Return/Punt Return for a TD
6 pts- Defensive Shutout
3 pts- Field Goals
3 pts- Defense holds opponent to 9 points or less
2 pts- Defensive safety
2 pts- Two point conversion (Rushing, Receiving, Passing)
1 pt- Every 10 yards Receiving, Rushing
1 pt- Every 20 yards Passing
1 pt- Defensive sack, interception, fumble recovery
1 pt- Kicking extra point
0 pts- Any yardage on punt/kickoff returns

* If a punt or kickoff is returned for a TD the D/ST gets 6 points and if you have a guy like Mark Jones as one of your WR’s he will also be credited with 6 pts if he ran it back. So in that scenario the Titans D & Jones will be credited 6 pts.
* RB has 73 rushing yards and 10 receiving yards(total yards = 83) he will be credited 8 pts.
* If a QB has 200 passing yards -1 rushing(total yards = 199), he will be credited 9 pts. If he has 199 passing yards + 1 rushing(total yards = 200), he will be credited 10
*This is NOT for just the first round, but the ENTIRE playoffs so once your player is out you cant pick up another you have to play a man or two or three down.

Here’s what my squad looks like…

QB – Donovan McNabb
RB – Michael Turner
RB – Chris Johnson
WR – Hines Ward
WR – Reggie Wayne
TE – Antonio Gates
FLEX- Steve Smith
K- David Akers
D/ST- Tennessee

Submit only one(1) playoff roster. If you are having a difficult time figuring out how to put your roster together then you might should hold off effin’ with this pool until you can get some time on your hands to smnack yourself in the head with a baseball bat. I will not accept roster revisions so wait until the last minute to make your choices.