Archive for the ‘5000’ Category

Summer Jams: Recovery…

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

recovery

WTF is wrong with this dude Eminem? This album is his 808 & Heartbreak. Eminem finally exorcises his Proof ghost on wax and I have to admit that Eminem went in gheyer than Drake. How did he manage that? With the worst singing ever on a rap album. EVAR! When Eminem harmonizes he makes Biz Markie sound like Ronald Isley.

I feel like there is a song on this album where Eminem speaks on going thru a sex change. This is a departure from his usual emo suicidal tendencies. Proof’s death was fucked the fuck up that’s for sure, but to cut your stick off is some other shit. This older instrospective Eminem is gheyer than a bag of dildos.

Oh wait a minnit… There’s a song eviscerating his ex-wife. He’s back. But no. This anthem filled Eminem is making rap into a fistpumping exercise [ll]. Yeah, the Situation will be masturbating to this album. If you hated the fake accents Eminem employed in Relapse (and I didn’t) you will hate the falsetto singing on the hooks. Eminem also namechecks KanYe in several songs.

WTF is this shit?!? My favorite song on the album is a Pink feature?

Am I going ghey?

Damn you Marshall Mathers!

‘Won’t Back Down’ featuring Pink

’25 To Life’

‘???’

The lyrical beast doesn’t show his face until the last untitled track on the album. I understand that Eminem had to express his love for his fallen brother and I hope that he finally realizes the way to shout out to your people is to be your best manimal. Unbowed and undefeated. There are too many songs on this album that require you to hold a candle in the air.

At a rap show in Detroit’s Ford Field this album means you are gonna need hell’a deoderant.

right guard

Posted in 5 Elements, 5000, Black Bullshit, Crappers, Fanboy Ish, Hollyweird, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Pirate Radio Podcast, The Addict, white, Wig Owners | 14 Comments »

Beware Ebirah!

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

I’m not so much worried anymore about all the animals who are being killed by the Gulf Oilpacalyse as much as I am worried about the animals we are creating.

I remember that Godzilla had to fight this giant lobster one time. So I went to the web to find out who that creature was and it turns out the nemesis was actually a giant crayfish called Ebirah.

Crawdads are something like the official fish of Louisiana.

Now the story takes on some super awesome ecological allegory and British Petroleum is the badass greedy corporation that unleashes the monster. We need a Steven Speilberg, Joel Schumacher or Michael Bay to jump on the production of this shit ASAP.

The late great Spy magazine said that helicopters, explosions and dinosaurs are all the components you need to create a summer blockbuster movie. In that case this flick is almost writing itself.

The real life irony is that oil is literally the liquid remains of life on this planet. Animals and plants fused together under incredible pressure and time immemorial.

Maybe Ebirah is just an agent of the Earth sent by his angry mother to put a correction to an addiction that we all suffer from?

Posted in 5 Elements, 5000, Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Fanboy Ish, Harpers Weekly Review, Hollyweird, Social Upheaval, Weird Science, When I Reminisce... | 4 Comments »

Sean Price Sunday Cartoon Festival…

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

super ninja team gatachaman

No one fux with cartoons as much as Sean Price. Maybe DOOM, but then again I don’t think so.

Sean P asked me what was my favorite cartoon of all time. I fuxed with ALL the cartoons. Bugs Bunny is the GOAT character of cartoondom, but my favorite cartoon show of all time was G-Force. Not that more recent manga looking joint, but the Battle Of The Planets version. I use to hustle home hardbody to catch an episode of G-Force.

P!

super ninja team gatachaman

The next thing I know I got a whole grip of G-Force eps in my mailbox. I knew these joints were dope from back when but I forgot exactly how good they were. G-Force were like superhero environmentalists. The bad asses called Spectra were steady mobbing the Earth and affiliated planets for minerals and the what not. G-Force would block them every time even if they had to ‘transmute*’ into a fiery Phoenix. BTW, the animation in these episodes predate the Dark Phoenix saga in Marvel’s X-Men comics yet you can still clearly see American comicbook culture in the costuming of the characters.

The OG Japanese series is called ‘Science Ninja Team Gatchaman**‘.

*We’ll excuse the [ll] as if it got lost in translation.
**gatchaman gets pre-emptive [ll]

In this ep Spectra sends a robotic centipede to heist the Earth’s oil reserves. If British Petroleum had any cool motherfuxers on staff they might would’a known to blame that shit what happened in the Gulf on Zoltar.

The double bonus for British Petroleum would have been how the name Zoltar sounds like an a-rab.

G-Force vs. the Spectra Sea Serpent from dallas penn on Vimeo.

Posted in 5 Elements, 5000, Black Bullshit, Crappers, D-Cepz, Fanboy Ish, Ghetto Celebs, Hollyweird, iNternets Celebrities, Ninjas, The Addict, Weird Science, When I Reminisce... | 24 Comments »

All Day I Dream About Spaceships…

Saturday, June 5th, 2010

basuradidas

Editor’s note: One of our frequent commenters, cocotaso, submits this drop after peeping a piyush attempt by adidas at futurism…

Now was this really necessary adidas?

The Stan Smith is an iconic shoe, and this status comes from its simplicity. but noooo adidas felt the need to 2000 the shoe, modernize it so to speak. The result is strait basura.

The kind of shit you would get if ya lady/moms went shopping for you and came back all “I got them shoes you like”.

Nice try ma, and I really do appreciate the thought, but those shoes can be returned right along with the knights of the round table rugby and that beverly hills polo club hat.

basuradidas