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When Combat Jack told me that we needed to say fux Black History Month and rename this shit Rap History Month I was like “hells Chea!”. August was always my favorite Black History Month anyhoo since that shit is hotter than Africa. And they have Harlem Week.

So now that we are looking at Rap History Month the question is where to begin when talking about the rich history of exploitation of the Black experience that rap music represents more often than not. When rap was first delivered the artists were have-nots and ne’er do wells who often found themselves on the wrong side of the tracks.

Nowadays all the rappers you hear on the radio from Ludacris to Drake to T.I. are privately schooled educated actors who know how to feign their headshots with the appearance of the familiarity of hard knocks. Today’s mainstream rapper is 100% entertainer and 0% educator. When did Hip-Hop and rap become overcome with narcissistic vanity?

I think that line points directly to rappin’ athletes. Here was a population who entered the music biz already with a grip of legit money and notoriety. Think about who started the silly trend of spraying other people with champagne that rappers readily adopted? Athletes were the original entertainers to go broke shortly after confirmed millionaire status. If rap music is described as the soundtrack for ostentatious jewelry and the desire to have sex with big-assed women then professional athletes are the most Hip-Hop people of all time.

Being excessively Hip-Hop however does not necessarily make you a decent rapper. I think we are going to see an inverse relationship to someone’s ability to be good in contests of ghey prowess and the talent to make good ghey music a la Drake. Exhibit A (no Jay Elec) would be Neon Deion ‘PrimeTime’ Sanders who altho’ he has a gang of nicknames he didn’t save any talent for the soundbooth.

Neon Deion gets a pass from our memory mostly because he does some shit even worse than his singing. Deion’s Bama suit collection was the most annoying shit next to Craig Sager’s wardrobe. But Deion was also a championship ring wearer and that helps you get some forgiveness from the fans.

No amount of NBA championships tho’ should let anyone forgive Kobe Bryant for his attempt at being a rapper. This shit was a bigger bomb than watching Detroit sweep L..A. out of the Finals that year.

Kobe raps exactly as you imagined he would. Like a douchenozzle.

One of the most annoying trends that Hip-Hop granted to professional athletes was the ability to contract their names into little two-syllable monikers. Chris Webber became C-Webb. Allen Iverson begat A.I. and Shaquille O’Neal was now Shaq Fu. How sick was Shaquille O’Neal to try and bring back the Fu Schnickens style of rap long after it was washed up?

And he almost did it too.

Shame on a schnicken that bought the SECOND album.

With this next clip we can see how much 2Pac inspired Chris Webber. Think about it, with all the stops that Webber had in the NBA his soundtrack should have been ‘I Get Around’. As far as Webber’s music career, someone should have called a timeout.

All rappin’ athlete music isn’t utter garbage tho’. Some of it could actually pass for the shit most kids try to sell on their sidewalk mixtape hustle. Allen Iverson and Ron Artest are two dudes who keep the streets on their sleeve no matter where they are. Iverson kept it so street he scared the shit out of any good sponsorship opportunities his on-court play may have generated for him.

Listen to this track called ’40 Bars’ where Iverson basically crafts a profanity laced snitchery session. I guess A.I. didn’t know that you weren’t supposed to name your shooters?

Allen Iverson – ’40 Bars’

Allen Iverson was so Hip-Hop that the rest of his album’s content had to be strictly domestic violence and drug raps.

Speaking of drug raps…

There’s no way I would shit on my hometown crew from 1986 altho’ it’s now painfully evident that their rhymes wouldn’t have been on coke inasmuch as they were on coke when they did their rhymes.

Ah well, cie la vie.

Pitchers and catchers [ll] are back to work.

Long live Rap History Month.

1986 NY Mets – ‘Get METSmerized’