Archive for the ‘BeYONCE’s Hair’ Category

Women Are Wearing The Thickpants Now…

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

manapron

Rising number of women earn more than mates

This is so true on a thousand levels. Chocolate Snowflake wears the corduroys in our relationship. Keep in mind that she has a college degree as well, so any chick I am dating will be making more money than me. Plus I like to ‘date up’ anyhoo. I refuse to be around any broad that has education credentials like mine.

This situation certainly has been true for the last two generations within the African American community. Now they are trying to push this lifestyle onto whites who have every reason to push back. What people are recognizing now is that there is no longer a middle class. Everyone is now part of the ‘working class’.

This means shit like no more vacations abroad or otherwise. They have even been marketing a term to describe your stay at home vacations – staycations. While that is a cute marketing device, it also tells me that the quality of life is being dramatically eroded if people can’t afford to literally change their perspectives.

I’m all for women being recognized for their contribution to the workforce. They can even bring home twice my salary if their boss will allow it and I will stay home to feed the babies, er, cats. I’m just leyting everyone know now that I want an apron to fit a 350lb man and not some little shit. This is the future internets. Next up, lactating male nipples.

Have A Baby By A Shark, Be A Sharkonaire…

Monday, October 19th, 2009

great white

A 16yr old girl is trying to be the youngest person to circumnavigate the globe in a boat.

So let me get this straight… She pushes off in a sailboat and we wait the 3/4’s of a year to see if she gets back home? I wonder if she’s in cahoots somehow with the Balloon Boy? Who cares about this shit?

I personally think she is doing this stunt to fulfill some fantasy she has about having sex with a shark.

50 Cent – ‘Baby By Me (Remix)’

Blown Away By Black Dynamite…

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

black dynamite

GO SEE BLACK DYNAMITE IN THEATRES NOW!

‘Black Dynamite’ is all kinds of wrong funny.

There is definitely some shit I laughed at in this movie that God will be sending me to hell for. Even OG blaxploitation flicks weren’t this exploitative of the Blacks. This may be the reason I haven’t called this movie a classic. There are tons of laugh out loud moments throughout the movie and the themes they address are highlighted with humor, but in the end I was missing the big payback (no Richard Roundtree).

It’s not easy to parody stereotype without becoming that which you are mocking. ‘Black Dynamite’ reflects the cinema aesthetic for the 1970’s era so accurately that it almost becomes that itself. The problem with that is the fact that we are living in 2009 and the reality of those that view the film today will not be consistent with the people that watched a film like this in 1975. I like to laugh as much as anyone else, but I also need to be engaged with my eyes on the prize.

Doing parody is one of the most difficult tricks in the business of making comedy. You have to constantly remind the viewer that you are actively crafting the joke. Black Dynamite is a parody not just of the blaxploitation genre of movies but of the gangsta rap lifestyle and mindset that is now indelibly attached to Black culture. One of my favorite scenes is where the ensemble cast of actors and comedians does a rambling bit on African American numerical mysticism all the while inspiring Roscoe to sell chicken and waffles in his restaurant.

Black Dynamite is filled with wild action and homemade special effects all of which adds to the comedy. It felt like all the kung fu and crazy pimp flicks I had watched long ago. The movie’s writers and producers were definitely fans of the genre as well. You have to be an O.G. to catch some of their references. To a kid those will just be funny scenes but to some of us older fans we will remember the movie where we first saw that scene. Like I said earlier, parody is hard as hell especially with Black films because if you slip from the fine line you become baseless coonery.

Black Dynamite is a cross between I’m Gonna Git’ You Sucka and Original Gangstas. The laughs come fast and furious and sometimes at the expense of the storyline. I was hoping that Black Dynamite would be more like Bamboozled or the classic Black Hollywood experience parody film – Hollywood Shuffle. The fact that Black Dynamite falls short of the distinction of ‘classic’ doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth seeing, especially if you got a blunt of that good good beforehand.

Black Dynamite will tell you that even though drugs are fun they don’t belong in the hands of children.

I co-sign that message to the fullest.

Out of a 4 retahd rating sytem I give ‘Black Dynamite’ 3 retahds.

retahd

Rocawear’s Diamond Girl…

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

marvelous

Marvelous Mo is a good friend to this page. I’m happy that we became close because she is a real star. She recounts the time we worked the red carpet at the Hip-Hop Honors show and Mo went in on everyone that came through. Not as a grandstander but as a great interviewer, beautiful enough to disarm the most guarded celebs and unafraid to ask the tough questions. With each piece of press she creates her skills get sharper. Get familiar with Marvelous Mo. She is gonna blow… UP.

Rocawear’s Digital Ad Campaign featuring Marvelous Mo

Blame It On The Alcohol…

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

ye vma

So ‘Ye Tudda interrupted MTV’s flagship awards program to say that the ‘Single Ladies’ video was one of the “best of all time”. KanYe ain’t neva lie. Especially not after killing a bottle of that brown ‘truth juice’.

This latest KanYe West award ceremony outburst has the TWittter streets all aflutter tweeting. The truth is that KanYe’s statement was on point. BeYonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ video is well designed and choreographed to the tee oh pee. I’m sure the Taylor Swift video has good visuals too, but BeYonce is a fux’n specimen. KanYe and his muse lady Amber Rose were reportedly escorted from the building after his outburst. Who knows? And at the end of the day who the fux cares?

What I did want to talk about was the bottle of brown truth juice that KanYe is advertising on the VMA red carpet. Since ‘Ye Tudda is the Louis Vuitton Don and since Louis Vuitton is the owner of Moet (mo-way) and Hennessy I think it would be naive of us not to think that there wasn’t a corporate placement for this shot. I mean, a man of KanYe’s tastes and means would surely prefer Martell to Hennessy, no?

I was chopping it up on FaceBook with a fellow Commissioner, Jamal7Mile, when the homey pointed me to his weblog site – You Damned Right I Farted!!. By the way, J7M that is the funniest name of all time for a website, kudos. The homey’s latest drop talks about the state imposed timeout he is starting later on today. That is some pill to swallow when you know you are gonna be on lockdown. Your mind goes over all the shit that you could have done to not be in the position you are facing.

I think Jamal7Mile is already on the right path to getting his mind right in the long run. I wish I could say tha same for myself. I am an alcoholic. This doesn’t mean that I get drunk all the time because I don’t, but it does mean that I will seek out opportunities to be intoxicated and make decisions based on those opportunities that affect me long after I have placed down the bottle. I’ve dealt with counseling and rehab before for drugs and drinking. You learn that addiction is a lifelong process. You also learn that you have the power within yourself to overcome your demons.

I wish Jamal7Mile the best on his journey. He can definitely overcome this. No matter where you go brother there YOU are. Keep believing in yourself and keep your head to the sky. Peace.