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I might have been the only person that wasn’t overjoyed with the news that JAY-Z was recording another album despite his claims of retirement. Black people have been running through the streets hugging and greeting each other as if O.J. were being acquitted a second time. Albeit, this will prah’lee be the best rap album released in 2006, topping the highly anticipated offerings from NAS and RAEKWON. With a look at the level of production lined up for this disk I can’t see how it will lose… KANGHEY, Dr.DRE and the 2006 recipient for the Bagger Vance award, TIMBERLAND (Bagger Vance awards are given to beneficent Black folk who help white get their shit right – MORGAN FREEMAN usually wins this annually).

If I were still 16 years old I would be excited about this news, but because I am a grown azz man I see a much bigger picture than just a forty year old man holding a microphone. I see a man who had worked at a profession and retired only to be forced to unretire by the people that were paying out his 401k. Universal needs a JAY-Z album just to stay in the black for this fiscal year. They don’t believe that NAS will turn in an inspired disk and they aren’t ballsy enough to bank on their stable of vets like JOE BUDDENS or the great REDMAN. So the T.I.’s at Island Records go to their ace in the hole. JAY-Z has a lust for the fame already and he has been writing rhymes to FOXY BROWN’s music ever since we all found out that she was only making deaf jams. He’s been itching to make a comeback and Universal/Island Records is desperate to sell some CD’s. Everything is not right with the world though…

JAY-Z’s unretirement is destroying the quality of life for the working class American. The precedent he is establishing is one that will be carried over into the real world as companies now bring their retirees back to the workplace in order for them to maintain their health coverage. Forget your dreams of retirement in sunny Ocala because your azz will have to stay at the mill until you die. You might as well terminate that deferred compensation plan and spend the money now on Cristal Dom Perignon and car wheels. Hip-Hop has just shattered your dreams of wearing flip flops.

ROC-A-FELLA y’all

Now that Asian youth are wiping up the floor with white kids in the SAT’s and standardized tests guess who is ringing the alarm?!? It wasn’t a problem when Black kids weren’t learning because that fits the supremacy program anyhoo, but now that TAD, CONNOR and HALEY aren’t ranking with RAJESH or SOO LI there seems to be an issue.

There are so many reasons that Black kids can’t learn that I won’t even try to open that box up, but I have known for years that it was time to switch our pitch up in how we attempted to educate the children. Learning has to be rewards based and practical. It reaffirms the reasons why we attend class when we can see a direct correlation to what we learn and how we live. I would love for there to be an increase in vocational studies put back into schools as well as out-of-class field projects that expose children to the world at large. I suppose all of that rhetoric sounds good to the ‘hood, but how do we implement it into the system?

BLU CHEEZ had an idea to use celebrities to help teach kids math skills since they are too busy spending their millions on items that have no social value. This way there is a relevance to the lesson and current and former pop culture icons can say that they ‘gave back’ to the community. BLU CHEEZ will use these celebrities in different formulas to indicate the various products and remainders that are created from their variable talents. Let’s see some of his examples…

Spike from Gremlins swagger plus the H.A.M. hand jewelry of SAMMY DAVIS Jr. = LIL’ WEEZLE

DIANA ROSS’ wig collection plus a huge horse booty = BeYONCE

This is pretty simple stuff. How about trying out some of these harder problems…

RuPAUL’s singing voice divided by TEDDY PENDERGRASS after hours = NEYO

The media exposure of OPRAH WINFREY multiplied by the class of VIVICA FOX = STAR JONES REYNOLDS

KIM PORTER’s reproductive system and PUFF’s ability to make anything famous = The new old Jackson 5 (just watch out for the MICHAEL).