Archive for the ‘BeYONCE’s Hair’ Category

VOTE OR DIE! (Laughing)

Thursday, May 25th, 2006

vote or die

This may be the greatest post created this year because it is teaching people that voting can actually be fun. If the AL GORE camp had ROBBIE instead of JAMES CARVILLE we might not be in this quagmire right now.

The First Annual Weed Carriers Awards

The “weed carrier” is the member of a “weed owning” celebrities’ entourage whose job is to take the fall in case the police apprehend said celebrity with contraband. In some cases the “carrier” becomes a “weed owner” themself, in which case they must find someone to carry their weed as they did previously.

This remarkably simple concept is brilliant because it essentially dissects the structure of heirarchy within the entertainment industry. I expect no less from the people at UNKUT.COM

red

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: BIGFOOT

Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006

bigfoot

When it’s a slow night for inspiration I always go to the internets number 1 spot for ghetto celeb madness. I know something there will make me laugh.

BIGFOOT’s seed and former backup dancer for BeYONCE, KELLY ROWLAND has had her latest project pushed back like band member MICHELLE’s hairline.

The extra time off will allow KELLY the chance to give her big feet a break.

the ladies

dogs

SPAM, BITCHES!

Friday, May 19th, 2006

spam

What it do web cipher? I apologize to some of you if your comments haven’t been posted one hundred. It’s time for us to do some unexpected site maintenance to handle the traffic that is falling thru the seams. We will have our tech staffers like JACQUI HERNANDEZ get right on top of the issue. When she gets on top of something it always gets handled right. Nah’mean?!?

I call my baby P.U.S.S.Y.

Shouts to everybody that has been effing with us for the second quarter. We ain’t in the lead yet, but our offense is streaky like JOHN STARKS and it hasn’t been shooting its best. Otherwise, everything is still gravy in the Navy and we will be be back on this blog grizzly in a hot one with more of that internets crack that you be fiendin’ for. And don’t forget…

BLU CHEEZ IS FOR THE KIDS!

killa kid

BILLY SUNDAY’s Guide To Picking Up Summertime Poon

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

jessica simpson

I used to be able to bag up shorties with my eyebrow compliments. Chicks eat that shit up like corned beef hash. I would give them kudos if I thought that they had threaded as opposed to waxing. I just loved to watch them blush and get shy. Girls like it when you pay attention to the details, because they spend a grip on the detailing. Too bad too many lame niggas peeped my game. Now all kinds of bum azz niggas is giving ladies compliments on their eyebrow game.

That is why I am BILLY SUNDAY and they aren’t. I stay way ahead of these lame azz fools with my pickup lines. The new shit I am on this summer is accessories, particularly earrings. I like those drop jawnts all the little eclectic poonahnee is wearing. They look middle eastern influenced on some arabic shit.

It had been a trend the last few years for white girls to be stompin’ through with the fat booties, but that novelty wore off. Once we all found out it was because of the cut of those Seven for Mankind jeans the cache of having a piece of white tail with a bubble was burst. The hot little mamas to bag up this summer will be either from Kenya or a mulatto chick with a Jew mom. You score either of these you have hit the Summer ’06 poon jackpot.

Kenyan broads have that exotic Africa thing going for them without the HIV or the missing hands due to civil war. Mulatto chicks with a Jew mom are simply the gold standard by which I judge all my summertime jumpoffs by. The mom is never going to let you marry the girl, but hey, you didn’t want to anyhoo.

MARIAH CAREY = MySpace Swagger Jacker

Thursday, May 11th, 2006

mariah a cup

I got this post idea from CONCRETE LOOP after I spent two hours reading CRUNK AND DISORDERLY. Just be warned that both sites are internets crack. Don’t visit them until you are ready to commit some serious time to celebrity blogging.

I hate the celebrity driven society that we live in, but I am always fascinated by their lives. Celebs are regular folks just like us who occasionally trip while they are walking or they don’t pay their car notes on time or they have wicked bunions on their toes. We pay them an inordinate amount of our time because they help us forget about our flaws and our own mortality. In the end we all suffer from the same human needs and desires. We all just want to be loved.

To that end we find that MARIAH CAREY, her producer, and her record label are being sued by some unknown singer/dancer for copyright infringement. Parts of MARIAH’s hit single ‘It’s Like That’ were taken from this girl’s MySpace page. Well blow me down! Who knew MySpace was good for anything other than smashing some 15yr. old poon? I feel a kind of way that MARIAH got all of those Grammy awards and she didn’t even get her material legally. I suppose everything will be right with the world when MARIAH gives up some of that DefJam dinero to the young lady whose swagger was jacked.

And then I bet homegirl will take the check straight to that Miami doctor and get her tops upgraded, just like MARIAH.

mariah d cup