Archive for the ‘BeYONCE Factor’ Category

Mtv = Dead 2 Me…

Monday, June 1st, 2009

mtv logo

When was the last time that Mtv really mattered? For me it would have been the Jackass years. That was the last time that I watched Mtv with regularity. That was the last time I think that network was truly, ughh, relevant. Since that time I feel like Vh-1 has come through with the edgier programming that wasn’t so artificially funny. Let’s not get it twisted either because Vh-1 is definitely superficial, just not artificial and there is an important difference.

The fart jokes and college humor that made Beavis and Butthead a staple of television entertainment have been replaced by cheap staged stunts and shit that old people would find funny. If old people like your joke then 9 out of 10 times your joke sucks. Not to disparage old people and the people that think like old people, but we are not you. We used to be down with you but we stayed youthful and humorous. You got old and boring. This is why Adult Swim pwns empty-V all day every day.

Mtv was jammed up a few years back when confronted with the fact that they were over twenty five years old. While that doesn’t really matter to me since I am long since past that mark it matters to those that use superficial timeline constructs. Vh-1 has no such problem. Their demographic was always post-teenage anyhoo. It was Mtv that made the mistake of marketing itself to 16yr olds instead of realizing that market was fickle in the first place.

The last thing a 16yr old wants to do is some shit that OTHER 16yr olds are doing. Mtv could have let one of their sub-channels be the place where the JONAS brothers had the unplugged concerts instead of the main channel which needed to stay in the adult themed realm of music entertainment. I’m sure that Mtv execs had been shitting their pants ever since rap music became a pop music juggernaut. There weren’t enough videos from emasculated rap acts like the Black Eyed Peas to fill up their programming slots.

Now that rappers are wearing their younger sisters stretch jeans maybe they can get some spins on the video channel if only the video channel still played videos. I’d love to be a consultant to the Music TeleVision network. Lord knows they don’t have anyone over there that is willing to kick open the doors to the executive suites and beat the crap out of the current programmers. Everyone is simply content to keep their mouths shut and just collect their checks. Pretty soon the bottom will fall out of that game and then you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Copy Cat Comparisons…

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

cassie dove

Poor little beautiful CASSIE can’t catch a break on the internets.

She cuts half her head off and everyone says that Dove from De La Soul still did it better.

Just like she lost last year wearing the same Wonder Woman suit as KIM KARDASHIAN. Let’s all agree that KIM has the actual Dominicana body type even if half that shit is made with high tech plastics.

cassie kim

Now CASSIE leaks some tasteful nudes of herself on the web to push up her sex appeal a few notches and just when maybe she had folks attention where we were listening to her denials of leaking the images as a publicity stunt the REAL publicity stunt goes down.

Nekkid pics of RIHANNA hit the web and caused Twitter to crash. Well, not really, Twitter was going down for maintenance in the afternoon anyhoo, but that happened right after the RIHANNA nudie leak so I surmised it was her milky soft asscheeks that caused the outage.

cassie riri

I have a couple of NSFW pics linked below so you can see which of these two pop starlets did the nipple rings thging better. Word to JANET JACKSON.

CASSIE

RIHANNA

Jay-Z Won…

Friday, May 1st, 2009

nalis

While BeYONCE stars in the number one picture in theaters across the country KELIS files for divorce in her third tri-mester.

Still married >>> Stillmatic

I’m Obsessed…

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

b

The latest cinematic vehicle strarring BeYONCE KNOWLES-CARTER smells like a pile of sexy shit sitting on the sidewalk. True story is that even BeYONCE’s ham-fisted performance wasn’t as bad as IDRIS ELBA’s look. IDRIS and BeYONCE are throwback actors because they perform like we are still making silent movies. Maybe its because the both of them would be better off in music videos where the dialogue isn’t spoken by them, but rather sung through auto-tune.

Still and all I sat through the two hours of this half-baked thriller that didn’t have any idea what it wanted to be when it grew up. We knew at some point that the sassy blonde played by ‘Heroes’ heroine ALI LARTER would have to lock horns with the sassier auburn wigged BeYONCE. At least they didn’t disappoint us in that regard. As an aside, don’t look now fellas, but ALI LARTER is being typecast as the white chick who likes Black sticks. You might could win is all I’m saying.

‘Obsessed’ would have been a better film with better writing and better actors. See some shit like ‘Inside Man’ for the sexy interracial tension that DENZEL WASHINGTON and JODIE FOSTER create. JODIE FOSTER’s old ass >>> ALI LARTER too for that matter. How crazy is it that I delivered the best line of the whole movie after BeYONCE finally defeats the psycho home wrecker by literally wrecking her new house? As the ALI LARTER character lay dead and the camera flashed to a worn and bruised BeYONCE I decided to yell out in the theatre, “she’s a survivor!”

Poor scripting and even worse acting now makes for a box office success.

The lowest common denominator rules the world.

Rising Up @ The Highline…

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

roots jam

I have to give a shout out to Chocolate Snowflake the boss behind the scenes with the same dreams and schemes to rub some sunshine on our faces in all kinds of different places.

My lady was the pre-game last night before I took a whole rainsoaked quest through New York City culminating with the company of the almighty cool ?uestlove and the amazing legendary Roots crew.

Black Thought, Dice Raw, Joe Budden, and Melanie Fiona tore shit asunder. Brooklyn’ Tanya Morgan represented. Stay tuned today for the drop titled ‘Official Spaceship Status’ = Roots Jam @ Highline.

Official white boys with WBW were in effect. Highline is classy, drinks are a little pricey ($10 for Stoli virginal water and pineapple juice), but the bartenders get heavier hands on your return. Highline is pushing the folks at SOB’s to the brink I think. Definitely for Hip-Hop shows. Solangetay in the building.

roots jam

Oh shit internets! Who is a sexier MILF than Solangetay?

Tahiry?

roots jam

Tahiry also in the building of course holding down Joe B. But I don’t think she can be classified as a MILF until she and Budden get married.

Before that was some dope Nike sportswear joint. DAVID WRIGHT of the Mets sat with CHRIS ISENBERG and was exposed for being a New York athlete that just wants to sacrifice everything to win, and then party his ass off. I think I will enjoy the Mets season this year especially their encounters with my new home city Philadelphia.

Wowzers internets!