I thought I was done with talking about Hip-Hop for at least a week or two, but damn, they keep bringing me back into their circle of Hell like DANTE’s Inferno.
By now we all know that FABOLOUS, the straight rapper with the gay stage name, was shot and arrested all in the same night. It’s got to be old news if I know about it since I live in my parents’ basement and I only come to the surface to open the ‘frige. I think FAB just raised the bar now for any young rapper coming into the game and what they might have to do in order to have their CD released. How do you top the FABOLOUS double-play? I say you still have to get shot and arrested, but first you have to pour a bottle of Cristal champagne on your head and then set yourself on fire. You young rappers are gonna have to come hardbody now or else get yourself a job at the post office.
JAY-Z is slowly reconnecting with the regular guy that loves his music, but can’t afford to travel to Aspen, or Monte Carlo, or Nice. It doesn’t mean that the regular guy doesn’t want the finer things in life it’s just that his level of education (and inability to rap over beats) will forever place him on the service side of our economy. Since this fool can’t even pronounce Armand De Brignac (JAY’s new champagne choice) JAY-Z is stepping down to his level… somewhat. As a paid consultant for the Anheuser-Busch conglomerate, JAY-Z will tell the suits in St. Louis how to get some of that sweet Black scrilla that we would normally spend on Champale. Now if only one of these venerable rap music labels would hire JAY to be their president then we might be able to get some decent artist development popping from someone who understands what it’s like to be on the other side of the table. Yeah, maybe…
The first big album event of the fourth quarter took place Tuesday with the release of The King Of All Jigs, PUFF DIDDY’s new CD titled ‘Press Play’. The early album reviews have been good and the demand for the album at DIDDY’s restaurant ‘JUSTINs’ is why FABOLOUS was shot, allegedly.
As part of the promotional whirlwind for the album PUFF will embark on one of his usual over-ambitious all nighters. The details are as follows…
1) Skiing in Vail on Thursday with DAVID HASSELHOFF
2) Friday – La Maas and midwife clases with KIM PORTER on DONALD TRUMP’s private jet
3) Run Boston Marathon on Saturday for MTV taping (seven months early)
4) On Sunday unearth the casket of Notorious B.I.G. and remove all remaining jewelry
5) Brush LYOR COHEN’s Wigs when back at WMG Manhattan offices on Monday
6) Tuesday – make YouTube video of BadBoy staff dancing when Soundscan reports are delivered
With DIDDY as busy as he is these days I’m not sure who will host the BET Hip-Hop Awards. The bigger question I have is do people still watch B.E.T.? It seems kind of redundant and cheaply produced when compared to MTV2 and VH-1. Maybe it’s time to pull the plug on the Negro Network?
Then again we could just pour champagne on top of it and set it on fire. That would be keeping it Hip-Hop.
