Archive for May, 2006

JIG WORDS

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

jig-tastic

Byron Crawford Stand Up! (nullus)

It’s been a minute or so since we have run this feature, but I think we can pick up quickly fom where we left off. Like most of the words that are common in today’s colloquial American lexicon there origins as Jig words are rarely documented. Words like ‘bling’ and ‘fahshizzle’ start out as Jig words but then migrate into mainstream usage because of their expressive simplicity.

I bet you didn’t realize that ‘bling’ was supposed to be the sound created when solar light rays are refracted through the multi-faceted blood diamonds that many rappers adorn themselves with. I am still waiting for someone to invent the word for what you would call a handjob from one of these girls. Stubbin’ thuggin’ love is cool but it seems kind of long. Anyhoo…

amputations are forever!

Brevity is one of the best features about Jig words. Why waste time talking using unnecessary vowels, consonants or syllables. Those are needed as attachments to people’s names. I note that jigs love to add extra vowels to their children’s names, but hate to pay you a little extra to babysit those same children. All the children with too many vowels in their names will be fucking handfuls one day, trust me.

roc a wear

Our latest installment of Jig Words begins with the website that has re-issued the term jig for all of the internets to use. ByronCrawford.Com

NULLUS – Nullus homosexualis. No homo. No brokeback. No GREG LOUGANIS. No KORDELL STEWART. No FIDDY. No GAYME. No KANGAY WEST.

7-Thirty – In the Gospel of MARK, chapter 7, verse 30, the big J.C. a/k/a The DaVINCI Code kicks the azz of some crazy hellspawn demon that was possessing a little girl. Whenever you see somebody that is mentally berserk you have to call them 7-Thirty and hit them over the head with a Bible.

MERC’D – TUPAC and B.I.G. were merc’d because someone meant to kill them. If one were to die from a stray bullet they will receive the honor of having one’s cap peeled but they don’t get the full stripes one would have had they been killed on purpose.

ETHERED – Another term that BC dot C has packaged for mass consumption of the web. When someone writes a scathing comment that is meant to belittle and demean the subject this term gets pulled out.
After I said that the whore stripper college student in the Duke case may not have been raped I was ethered by readers who thought I was pandering to the brokeback lacrosse players from Duke. Nullus, I replied.

PWNED! – To be dominated, defeated, humiliated. To be owned.

pwned!

How Is This Man Still Alive?!?

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

coldbay

I mean, hey, they split your boy J.F.K.’s wig wide open on prime time T.V.

All things considered COLBAY’s political rant was the smartest thing to come from any gathering of journalists this millenium. For a brief moment you thought that maybe there was really something called freedom of speech.

If you haven’t seen the most viewed internets video that doesn’t feature JANET’s boobie then click the link below for Google’s video site.

STEPHEN COLBAY at the 2006 White House Correspondent’s Dinner

JOHN BYRNE Loves The Dark Meat

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

storm msmarvel

black girl

black girl

TONY’s KANSAS CITY Is Your Baby’s Daddy

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

tony

While everyone was bitching and moaning about all the Mexicans who took to the streets in the last few weeks to show their solidarity and support for Chipotle restaurants the real good news was that when Mexicans are marching and protesting they can’t do what they are best at – reproducing.

tony

America is rapidly becoming North Mexico when you look at the birth rates of the Mexican Dominicans and the Mexican Incas. This is good stuff if you want to have your own personal landscaper even though you live in a high rise apartment building. This is also necessary for the ‘stop-loss‘ program if the next presidents are going to send U.S. troops into Iran, South Korea and Canada.

tony

If any of the female readership is looking to be part of the Mexican movement let me suggest to you a friend of this website. TONY’s KANSAS CITY is a top notch website that is managed by an well acclimated and assimilated Mexican American. Some of the benefits that you will accrue if you allow TKC to sire your seed will be access to a second language and that famous Mexican work ethic. Like myself, TKC prefers white women, but also like myself preferences are quickly put aside if there is anyone that doesn’t have an objection with their baby daddy living in his parents’ basement.

tony

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVELAND

Friday, May 12th, 2006

steveland

GOD blessed us with genius on May 13, 1950. May he live forevermore.