Archive for July, 2006

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The DaVinci Code: Exclusive OPUS DEI Photos

Friday, July 28th, 2006

white jesus

The following picture was captured at a secret retirement luncheon for outgoing Opus Dei prelate, Monsignor FERNANDO OCARIZ.

Opus Dei was made popular recently by the book ‘The DaVinci Code’. Opus Dei are like the ninjas that live in the Vatican and they kidnap and kill anybody talking shit about the Pope or White Jesus. They know karate, jujitsu and other ancient fighting techniques and they even know how to make themselves become invisible. Think of them as the big homie J.C.’s secret hit squad.

opus dei

Posted in Black Bullshit, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, Social Upheaval | 8 Comments »

Queen Of The C-List Scene

Friday, July 28th, 2006

wendy

The big homie over at Nah’Right is ready to put his shoe on radio talk show host and transvestite impersonator WENDY WILLIAMS because she is putting Method Man’s business all out in the streets. Let’s hope ESKAY doesn’t get all Doctor Dre DEE BARNES out this piece because he is gonna have a tough time posting bail since he doesn’t produce hit records.

WENDY WILLIAMS is an interesting animal. She was a super popular radio host early in her career in the New York City market until she fucked with PUFF something like the wrong way. It seems that WENDY knew a little too much about PUFF’s extra-cirriculars around town and she was a little too loose with her mouthpiece. The T.I.’s that were propping up PUFF had WENDY sent to purgatory (read: Philadelphia).

She’s been back in New York City now for several years and I can’t say that I’ve heard her say any slick shit about the King of all Jigs. But don’t get it twisted, WENDY does talk that slick shit on the regular. She routinely pisses off has-been artists like BOBBY BROWN and career C-listers like TYSON BECKFORD. I give her credit that no one has tried to run up on her and get hardbody although WENDY does look like she can handle almost any broad that comes her way and even some men, like say a PHARRELL or a LIL’ WAYNE.

True to her eternal C-list status WENDY is now the spokesperson for Alize liquer products. She knows that her listening audience consists mainly of civil servants and transit workers and those are just the type of people that consider Alize Blue a classy beverage. How You doin’ WENDY?!?

wendy

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, T.O.N.Y. | 14 Comments »

FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS

Thursday, July 27th, 2006

freedom!!! fridays

I have to give a shout out to my man fifty grand, DJ HERBERT. He used to receive my weekly e-mail blast and he offered me a job as a promoter for his weekly party called FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS. At the time FREEDOM!!! had just moved to a space in the East Village and it was my favorite spot for bagging up a p.y.t. that was fresh to the NYC scene. She might be from Chicago, L.A., Detroit or N’Awlins and she was trying to find out what was really good with the Big Apple. Even though the party might be filled with industry heads there was little or no pretension. If you asked a girl for a dance she would give you one. If you knew how to dance you would get a second. I even have a couple of dope hook up stories from this party.

When I designed my flyers I was given complete autonomy and as you will see I pushed the limits of good taste in some of my designs. It was all about the feel good attitude that the FREEDOM!!! party gave me. FREEDOM!!! was a lot of fun for me back then because the party was a breath of fresh air to the NYC late nite club scene. Rare grooves and classic Hip-Hop made FREEDOM!!! like the sexiest group karaoke event ever. The FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS party is still on and popping and you can still get inside on the DALLAS PENN friends and family discount when you say my name to the cashier. Ladies = $5 and fellas = $7 all nite long.

FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS
Star 64 a/k/a StarFoods
64 East 1st Street, NYC

For a less hectic and laid back groove you can find me at BELMONT LOUNGE on Friday nites. There’s no chance of you squeezing ROSARIO DAWSON’s booty like at FREEDOM!!!, but we make up for it by not charging a cover and being heavy handed on the bar drinks.

Go to FREEDOM!!! to look like a Star, come to Belmont to get wasted like one.

I called this set of flyers my ‘funny pictures series’.

afro

golddigger

FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS
Star 64 a/k/a StarFoods
64 East 1st Street, NYC

ashanti

superstar

FREEDOM!!! FRIDAYS
Star 64 a/k/a StarFoods
64 East 1st Street, NYC

supersperm

Posted in Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, T.O.N.Y. | No Comments »

ISRAEL To Earth : Everybody Can Get It!

Thursday, July 27th, 2006

a rab azz kickin

Even without the best military industrial devices on the planet the Israelis would still be hardbody. They teach their kids to kick azz while in the womb. If you thought that America was gangster when they ignored the United Nations resolutions and went ahead and invaded Iraq you should peep how Israel just blew up a whole bunch of U.N. personnel that were in Beirut to monitor the escalating situation. If these so called peacekeepers from the U.N. allow more pictures to be leaked to the internets showing Lebanese kids with their skin burned off the Israelis will have no choice but to show the U.N. flunkies a similiar fate.

Posted in Social Upheaval | 12 Comments »

The GHETTO BIG MAC

Thursday, July 27th, 2006

da mayor

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to hang out with a cat that is an extreme fan of what we do here at dallaspenn dot com. RAFI from OH WORD! is a fellow blogger and true school Hip-Hop aficionado. While a lot of people were only saying and writing nice things(myself included), he was a cat that stepped up to the plate to donate his time and resources to the estate of the late JAMES YANCEY a/k/a JAY DILLA. RAFI is a man of his word, so the name of his blog is quite apropo. We connected on several levels and topics but most of all we dig fast food. Really cheap fast food. Sadly, it’s one of my vices along with my sneaker collection and my drug habit.

The item that intrigued this brother the most was the creation of the Ghetto Big Mac. Here is a sandwich that combines all the greatest elements of the food pyramid. The coup de gras of the sandwich is McDonald’s world famous Big Mac sauce which is the greatest condiment ever created. Peter Luger’s steak sauce is second and it’s not even in the the same neighborhood. Add to that McDonald’s french fries and I think you will have to agree this sandwich may be the key to ending the unrest in the Middle East. At least during lunch time.

When RAFI approached me about doing an instructional video for creating the sandwich I thought he might be a little crazy. I mean, who comes here and doesn’t know how to order the Ghetto Big Mac? However RAFI’s vision wasn’t just to preach to the choir, but to educate the masses. To that extent we co-produced a video clip on how to make a Ghetto Big Mac. I suppose you can start calling me Mayor McCheese now. Enjoy.

Posted in Black Bullshit, Ghetto Celebs, The Addict | 21 Comments »

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