Archive for October, 2006

Got A Rocket In My Pocket?

Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006

rocket

Let me just say that you would have to be pretty naive to think that ROGER CLEMENS didn’t dope up in order to remain dominant in the game of baseball. Unlike BARRY BONDS, he has been able to mostly fly under the radar due to other factors here in America (read: Supremacy-The Inconvenient Truth). Contrary to the mainstream media stories, steroids and performance enhancing drugs don’t make regular players superstars, but they do allow superstars to shine for longer periods. The window of opportunity to be a viable professional athlete is small. Performance enhancing drugs allow that athlete a chance to add a brief extension to that window. It doesn’t last forever and the downside is that the post-retirement lifestyle is usually short as well. Just look at LYLE ALZADO.

Former major league pitcher JASON GRIMSLEY is putting peoples’ business on front street now that the F.B.I. is getting up in his shit like RICHARD GERE’s hamsters. I don’t feel bad for CLEMENS or for ANDY PETITTE or any players that are implicated for juicing. It sucks that the players are forced to take the whole weight like JANET was forced to bear that cross after her titty went on television. The baseball team owners are just as complicit as the players are. The Houston Astros trotted CLEMENS out for the home fans one last time before the season was to end. By doing so they pushed CLEMENS out of his normal spot in the rotation and thereby took a day of rest from him. The management says that this was a gift to the fans. I hope CLEMENS gets a nice bonus for the azzes that he puts in the seats at Minute Maid park. In any case, its clear to me who gets the kid glove treatment when the talk of using anabolic steroids is flung around. Clear as the cream and the clear.

The Archives – ’85 To Infinity

Monday, October 2nd, 2006

lobandito

Say anything you want about New York City. Good and bad, it is the capital of capital because anything is possible. Not Hollywood possible, but for real. I’m not saying that L.A. isn’t real, or Chicago for that matter, or anywhere, but New York City is the place where anything is possible twenty four hours a day.

Part of the reason some of you came to this site is for that slice of life that existed in this city from 1985-1995. I feel responsible as your tour guide for that period to give you a truthful and unapologetic account of how the city dealt with itself. Crack cocaine is typically the definition for the 1980’s but in my mind the freefall of the urban landscape is way bigger than a handful of freebase. There was a concerted effort to reduce the center city to so much as rubble. It was a glimpse of post-Katrina New Orleans twenty years prior to the hurricane.

Brooklyn has since transformed itself, rising from the ashes like a phoenix. It’s hard to imagine how desperate people had become when you see condominium apartments in Brooklyn selling for upwards of three millions dollars. This is still my city. There is still a debt to be repaid that I owe to the people of New York City. The Archives will contain their real life stories. It will be a salute to the spirit of the city that still gives me life and energy.

The first story will be a shout to one of my brothers unlike any other, the incomparable TIMOTHY STONE…

GODDESS OF THE SWEET BROWN GOODNESS

Monday, October 2nd, 2006

rosario

For what seems to be one of the greatest winning streaks of all time, Mexican women have again topped the list for the most anally delicious of all females. Narrowly edging out African African Americans (the Blacks from Africa living in America) and African Americans (the Blacks living in Detroit). White women have dropped four places down because it appears that Philipino women are bolstering the score for those of Asian descent. There’s a chance that the Philipinos might give the Mexicans a run for their money so I suggest that you dudes out there brush up on your Tegalo.

We’re Winning The ‘War On Terror’…

Monday, October 2nd, 2006

rebuttlican

No big surprise to anyone who doesn’t keep his head in his azz that we have made less international friendships under this presidential administration than any previous one. The world isn’t safer or more stable and the domestic economy is shot to hell and crawling into this fourth quarter like a wounded dog. Well where is all this sunshine coming from that G DUBBZ and General Grievous KARL ROVE are finding to spread out to the people? Here it is…

REPUBLICANS ARE BRINGING SEXY BACK
!
I bet you that there are more Republicans on MySpace than there are Democrats. MySpace does great for closeted freaks and perverts. I’m not talking about your run of the mill BILL CLINTON political perversions, I’m talking love RICK JAMES Republican style. She was only 17, but she was sexy.

APPOINT DONALD RUMSFELD KING OF IRAQ
Instead of managing the Iraq War from America, G DUBBZ should appoint DONALD RUMSFELD as the soverign chief of the United Provinces of Iraq. In this new position RUMSFELD will be allowed to indiscriminately kill civilians insurgents and maintain order within the oil rich annex of the United States.

BOMBARD IRAQ WITH ‘MISSION ACCOMPLISHED’ BILLBOARDS

I’m sure there’s nothing more demoralizing to terrorists than to see that all their efforts have been for naught. Placing these billboards along the roadways from Baghdad to Falluja and all points in between will deter terrorists from placing roadside bombs and return these men to their normal vocation – driving medallion taxis in New York City.

KEEP THE PENTAGON FREE OF FISCAL WATCHDOGS
Winning the ‘War On Terror’ isn’t cheap and inexpensive. It takes generations of hard working Americans’ tax dollars and social security contributions and even then we are still short on the tab, so that means borrowing from friends.

When all else fails theres always old reliable, rinse, wash, repeat…

Abortion!

Gays!!

GOD!!!

The Monday Morning Quarterback Wk.4

Monday, October 2nd, 2006

football

I knew the Jets weren’t going to beat the Colts in the end, although I just love laterals in professional football. Who remembers this one from the California vs. Stanford game?



Speaking of laterals. Remember the Titans…



Somebody break up the Ravens! Another last minute victory over a quality opponent has this team looking like it has the eye of the tiger early in the season. I could get used to them if Air McNAIR keeps up the clutch quarterbacking a la STAUBACH or ELWAY. I may not bet against the Ravens next week.

I bombed hard this week while most of you picked up the pace. At least my Cowboys took care of business. Look out for the Redskins too. They could send the tri-state area into a frenzy of talk radio vitriol if the Giants get pwned by them.

Here’s the current tally for everybody’s scores, (+) = overall pt total.

THE DALLAS = 2 pts (12)
40 DAWG DREWLANDER = 5 pts (11)
CANDICE = 4 pts (17)
AMADEO = 3 pts (14)
TIFFANY = 6 pts (11)
PRYNSEX = 4 pts (8)
SHONQUAYSHAH = 5 pts (13)
LM = 5 pts (15)
RD = 4 pts (10)
Mr.KAMOJI = 2 pts (13)
JESSE = 3 pts (9)
SASQUATCHFART = 5 pts (9)
S DOT = 5 pts (16)
ALEX 2.0 = 3 pts (13)

For a third consecutive week the overall points leader is a girl. All I’ma say is fellas, y’all need to get your weight up.