Archive for November, 2006

BOBBY BROWN, SOCIAL VISIONARY

Wednesday, November 15th, 2006

bobbybrown

You gotta get up pretty early in the morning if you want to hold the number one slot on a motherfucker’s bookmark toolbar. To tell you the truth, I don’t mind being number two since sloppy seconds are all I ever wanted in the first place.

So everybody is talking about how BOBBY BROWN is about to be a dad all over again with the super whore Superhead as the B.M.(baby mama) in question. Talk about an ‘illseed’?!? What I think most of us are missing though is BOBBY’s stance on geo-politics and this whole environmental conservation movement. BOBBY is essentially saying that we all should fuck the Earth. Fuck the Earth in the ass gotdammit.

There’s this elitist movement to conserve the Earth’s resources for future generations as if that is really a good thing. Meanwhile, we continue to create wealth for only 1% of the population of the planet. Everybody else has to eat shit sandwiches on the regulack, and this is on a good day. So saving the Earth will only benefit this same tiny elite group which is in charge of fucking over the planet in the first place. That’s like a global do-over movement.

BOBBY BROWN says fuck the Earth. Yeah, he acts like he is shooting blanks but when he gets to touch some poon he likes, ‘BONG’, he puts his foot in it. You could call that his ‘carbon footprint‘. BOBBY will have five by four. Imagine if you will that Superhead’s poon slot is like the Earth’s protective atmosphere. How many times has that hole been penetrated?!? And more importantly, the resilience of Superhead to maintain her lifestyle is further proof that the Earth doesn’t need us to conserve anything. The Earth will just make some more. If anything you should see Superhead as the Earth in that even she recognizes it’s time to make white start paying for the pussy.

Don’t listen to AL GORE or any of these conservatives that say that the Earth is in grave danger. I’ve never seen Superhead look as good as she does now.

MySpace Hotties… Not!

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

hotties

This is how large you will be living when you get up on that MySpace crack with your boy BLU CHEEZ.

Yeah boyeeeeee!

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

spidey

My bad, my bad, I said no more S.F. drops, but I got all crazy when someone agreed with me that the Foamposite Pro LE’s that were called the Doctor Dooms should really have been nicknamed the Venoms.

Okay, I am on my sneaker nerd shit now, but can I get a witness?!?

foamposite pro LE

WIG OWNERS > WIG BRUSHERS: WIGNEY HOUSTON – A WIG OWNING RETROSPECTIVE

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

wigney

With the news this week that WIGNEY HOUSTON’s former Wig Brushing husband has decided to brush the wig of H-list celebrity fellatio provider, KARINNE ‘Superhead’ STEFFANS, we felt that WIGNEY could now turn a corner, brush the dandruff off her shoulders and start anew. It’s fine for Wig Owners to sometimes do their own brushing too. It’s a way to get to know your wig better with the hope that you’ll be less likely to flip your wig in the future. I am happy for WIGNEY and I hope that we get to hear some new classic songs written by others and performed by her.

In the meantime and in between time we thought that a Wig Owning retrospective might be a good way to see how far daddy’s little girl has traveled on her Wig Owning journey…

wigney BEFORE BOBBY BROWN BRUSHED IT
WIGNEY was perky and bubbly, but in her heart of hearts she longed for someone to brush out the kinks of her Yakky Bob.

wigney EARLY BOBBY BROWN BRUSHING STYLE
In the beginning it looked like BOBBY BROWN had the technique to keep WIGNEY’s wig straight and knot-free.

kerry keys BOBBY BROWN BRUSH CURLS
WIGNEY and BOBBY had something in common and we loved them both. Black America’s redbone princess had made a prince out of New Editions’ rejected stylist.


wigney

WIGNEY never looked so good, but underneath her wig was a scalp with a mean itch. BOBBY was still a good brusher, but he wasn’t cleaning up after the wigs as often due to a few stints in the clink. In his absence some of WIGNEY’s wigs fell into disrepair and had to be thrown away. That was a shame since these were really expensive wigs made from the scalps of blonde Chechen women that were executed for their hair.

wigney BOBBY BROWN LAZY BRUSH
BOBBY was definetly not on his thorough brushing grind any longer and it was beginning to show. Whenever people tried to intervene and get WIGNEY a new brusher she just told them that BOBBY would return to form.

wigney BOBBY BROWN NON-BRUSHED
This was a valley for WIGNEY and she started to realize that she needed a new brusher when she was down to her last wig. She had gone through her entire wig collection in ten short years and now she was left with only one nappy Yak that matched up with a faux fur that she stole from her aunt, DIONNE WARWICK.

wigney

Looks who’s back on top of the Wig Owning game with a brand new Sassy Samantha to brush and style. This time around I hope that WIGNEY uses some patience and discretion when choosing her brusher. I wouldn’t even be mad at her if she got down like ALICIA KEYS when choosing her new brusher.

You know CLIVE DAVIS always keeps a beard in his closet.

wigney

Go Shawrlay, It’s Ya’ Berfday!?!

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006

kissydubbz

One of my favorite pics, courtesy of VIK at BioChemical Slang. I can hear the little girl inside of CONDOLEEZA squealing with delight.

Go CONDI, it’s ya’ birthday!