Archive for January, 2008

‘The Wire’ Wrap Party > ‘The Wire’

Friday, January 25th, 2008

the wire

Woe is me. I’m just a lowly writer living hand to mouth. Nobody even loves me. Wahh, wahh, wahh. Okay, I need to admit that as far as bloggers go, your boy has it pretty damn good. I have a link to one of the most dynamic ad agencies in the city. They haven’t cut me a check yet, but they reach out to me and make sure that I get to live the lifestyle on their coattails.

Monday through Wednesday in New York City is the entertainment industry’s virtual weekend. These folks are typically grinding while everyone else celebrates Fridays and Saturdays. Consider Tuesday night to be the film industry’s Saturday. All throughout the city people are assembled to imbibe upon the libations that will be ridiculously marked up starting on Thursday night to offset all the free shit that was doled out earlier in the week.

dp

As usual, your favorite blogger is a two-fisted beast. On this night I pounded Dewars and coke (not Doc Gooden’s white pudding) like it said something bad about my momma. the celebration was for the fifth and final season of HBO’s triumphant ghetto gospel ‘The Wire’. I don’t even watch this shit anymore since I caught feelings of fakery during season two. In this case, just like in ‘Flavor Of Love’, I am in the minority of the minorities. Still and all, GOD bless HBO and ‘The Wire’ because without these two forces coming together we might never get to witness the humanity of the street corner narcotics dealers.

FADER mag hosted the popoff. Remember when FADER mag was the Hipster-Hop darling of downtown NYC? They had that slim dude with the dreads calling the shots along with this mean-ass Mexican shorty Mariael, or some shit was her name. Those were the days. Eminem was still a slim Slim Shady. What the fuck happened to the FADER since then? That flash in the pan cool syndrome jumped up and bit them in the ass. The FADER still gets it in more thorough than most of the other rags including XXL, but they aren’t holding it down with the grey-green eyed chicks from Oakland anymore like they used to.

jen

The party was still a solid affair with no drama at the door and almost no wait at the bars. Live go-go music kept the flow nice and smooth. Shouts go out to all my Morgan State University readers. Holler at your boy when you come back up top for the summer break. I like go-go music more than I like reggae which is still a tepid endorsement. It was regional offshoot of funk music from the B-More/D.C. area that had its greatest moment with E.U. and the ‘Butt’. I ain’t mad at you Baltimore and even though I nearly got merc’ked in that town I still can’t rate it higher than Camden, Philly or even D.C. in hardbody status.

The party… Right, so… I talked about the open bar right? Whenever you are at an industry party with O.B. status always drink the most expensive shit they have available. I remember getting wild-eyed one Wednesday night at some shindig in the old Nell’s after drinking way too much Piper-Heisdeck champagne and Belvedere with tonic. My dumb ass passed out on the subway overnight and I was awoken by the 8am morning rushhour commuters when the train pulled into the terminal. I calmly sat up, put back on my sports jacket and went to work.

Don’t be me party people. Be better than me. Get drunk and then make it back to your home.

cool mans

The BARTLES & JAYMES Engagement Report…

Friday, January 25th, 2008

bartles & jaymes

As of press time, B & J are reportedly still dating…

An Open Letter To Lil’ Wang…

Thursday, January 24th, 2008

lil wang Before dunn Heath Ledger’s himself. No Brokeback to the following drop…

Wang,
Yo dunn, I know I have used this column to criticize and cajole your rhyme skills but when it all comes down to it I have respected your work ethic as you have tried to live up to the potential that everyone claims you have. In truthfulness, I always considered you the best Lil’ of all the Lil’s. Lil’ Jon, Lil’ Flip, Lil’ Kim, Lil’ Scrappy, Lil’ Webbie, Lil’ Fingers, Lil’ Mo, Lil’ Mama and Lil’ Maxso, but Lil’ Maxso is on the come up something serious so don’t sleep.

It’s just that I don’t want to see you waste your life on pills and white powder. That drug shit will be around for ever and ever. What is fleeting and temporary by its nature is life itself. Fuck ever rapping in a microphone ever again. Your life is on the line now. Just like Kurt Cobain, or Heath Ledger. As a matter of fact, exactly like Heath Ledger in ‘Brokeback Mountain’ since you kiss men in the mouth. You have a window right now to escape from and reclaim your humanity.

This rap shit will always be available to you Wang. The kids that listen to rap music now could care less if you belched into a microphone. So now it looks like you will have to sit in the Bing in Phoenix. While your long awaited album ‘The Carter III’ gets pushed back to Nevuary 2007. The C III was going to be that album all the haters were going to love on the low[ll]. Instead everyone gets a mugshot of blue ribbon capture courtesy of the Arizona police. Is this the image that you want you daughter to have of you?

The first step in the rest of your life is going to be the most difficult. You are going to have to remove some long term acquaintances from your cipher. Birdbrain Baby is the first. I know how strongly you feel about dude by the way you close your eyes when you kiss him on the lips. But you are going to need to remove your dependency from your drug supplier before you remove your dependency from your supply of drugs. This also means no Hot Boys re-union just yet. You aren’t strong enough to be around B.G. right now. I’m pretty sure that fool is still twerking.

At the end of the day, no matter where you go there you are. So if you aren’t ready to put down abusing drugs then you won’t make the changes necessary. In truth, your favorite drugs will be around for a mighty long time since they are synthetic anyhoo. If you can prove to yourself now that you can put down using and you are in control then you won’t have any problems later on if you have a relapse or two. The point is to prove to yourself that you have a value outside of this music bullshit.

How do I know so much about the demons chasing you and how you have to rid yourself of them? I too was drug abuser. And I was also born the same day as you, just ten years before you. Be easy and drive slow Lil’ Wang, for your daughter and for yourself.

BOB JOHNSON = Bloodsucker x Whipcracker…

Thursday, January 24th, 2008

whipcracker

I’m surprised that so many people were shocked when B.E.T.’s founder and former bigwig BOB JOHNSON was trotted out to crack the whip upon BARACK OBAAMA’s back. Every jig on the internets who is supposed to be a few bars above the average spearchucker was amazed that BOB JOHNSON could get so slimey with his shit.

First of all, get a late pass and freshen up your intellect with a DP Dot Com drop on the nature of the cracker. The whip cracker wasn’t always a white. Sometimes the master used one of his Blacks to crack the whip on the back on upstart young buck. The response from the people was similar to the one that you all had when BOB JOHNSON opened his mouth. Jaws dropped and people just shook their heads without any further action from their bodies.

For over a year I kept this New York Times feature article on ROBERT JOHNSON in my apartment clutter. I often reread it and reflected on it to remind myself why I NEEDED to hate on B.E.T. so much. The article was peppered with quotes from JOHNSON that summed up his commitment to the African American community that he saw through his television network. JOHNSON didn’t assume the position as the H.N.I.C. to make Black Entertainment Television the broadcast arm of the NAACP.

There was a singular focus for B.E.T. and that was to make money. Period. Point blank. The news programming at B.E.T. was cut away because A1) Negroes were NOT watching it. Jigs (and quiet as it is not kept, voyeuristic white) were watching rumpshaker videos until them ho’s from Spelman had to fuck up game. BOB JOHNSON came into the game as a whipcracker and that is how he became a Black billionaire and the go-to nigga to keep motherfuckers in line.

BOB JOHNSON was used to get off a point that the CLINTON camp surely wanted to make without… inhaling. Yes, BARACK smoked woos, or whatever. Hell, it was the late 80’s. We were all dabbling in a little bit of the white girl (no MARY-KATE OLSEN). Cocaine is such a hardcore drug in the American pysche that trippy hippie LSD heads like the CLINTONS seem tame by comparison. Middle America knows meth, crack, not so much.

This is why a ROBERT JOHNSON is an almost invaluable operative to a CLINTON campaign showing signs of early desperation. Someone is going to have to pick up the slack of RON BROWN, not that BOB JOHNSON could ever hold a spoon to RON BROWN’s sachs. At the end of the day when push comes to shove we are still living in Amerikka and most people will just fall back on the fear that was programmed into them since childhood.

Word to Zwarte Piet.

zwarte piet

zwarte piet

MIGHTY HEALTHY SATURDAY NITE…

Thursday, January 24th, 2008

40

This Saturday come down to NOVO and give a toast to my favorite lightskinted brother 40 DIESEL. No cover for you, just say you are here for 40 D’s born day party.

NOVO – 290 Hudson Street (Between Dominic & Spring, two blocks north of Canal).

I will be there by 11pm so come thru anytime afterwards.