dallaspenn.com

Now who among us really believed that the Hot Boys would reunite in N’Awlins this past weekend? The real question is who among us even gives a fuck? First of all, Turk is in jail. How are you gonna have the Hot Boys without Turk? That’s like having a club sandwich with no bacon. Turk is also the third best rapper in the Hot Boys behind Juvey and B.G. Secondly, the Cash Money clique is so fucked the fuck up with legal problems and money issues you Wayne fans will be lucky if they even release the Carter III as an EP. Sort of like how they unceremoniously leaked ‘The Leak’.

It’s not just Turk who is facing some legal issues either. Lil’ Wayne’s under indictment, Baby is under indictment, B.G. is going through the revolving door of rehab and Juvenile has been in the game for damn near twenty years. By the time these dudes get their minds right the Hot Boys will be ice cold (no Andre3000). Motherfuckers will be back to disco dancing again. I’m sure T-Pain and others will still be using that annoying whiny vocoder shit. How the fuck does rap hope to survive when every act worth seeing is looking at some jail time? Thank God for the Roots.

But even the Roots might fuck around and pull a fast one and just fuck with the R&B. At least R&B niggas are staying out of jail for the most part, other than Robert Sylvester and some irrelevant niggas from 112. I guess that’s because all the niggas fucking with R&B now are white. Justin, Robin Thicke, El-P. The best R&B chick is white too. For someone who stays as high on that shermrock as Amy Winehouse does I wonder why she never gets pinched for holding any contraband? Her weedcarriers are good like that. So while some of us pine away for the glory days of rap music circa 1999, the rest of us have to keep it moving.

A few weeks back there was an interesting day scheduled in the criminal courts here in New York City. There was a veritable Summer jam lineup. Busta Rhymes has a hearing on his assault charges, while Remy Martin was having her indictment amended to include witness tampering and Ja Rule and Lil’ Wayne were charged with illegal possession of an unloaded firearm. Are you going to tell me that all these guys are victims of the Hip-Hop police or are they just a bunch of numbskulls who do dumb shit? The only reason we cared about any of them is because they were entertainers so maybe if we turned our backs these clowns might get back to making music and earning their publicity for the shit they release?

This is why I tell you that a Fat Boys reunion is better than a Hot Boys reunion. It’s more likely to happen too even with one of those bastards being dead. If and when the Fat Boys get back together it will be all about rapping. And mostly eating, but definitely some rapping. There won’t be any reports of weed or HGH being thrown around on the tour bus. There won’t be any shots fired at their club dates, unless they perform in Minnesota and someone mistakes the dark-skinned one for a bear. And it won’t take forever for their album ‘Ride Or Diet’ to be released either. Face the facts, Fat Boys > Hot Boys. ‘We On Fire’ might have been the gheyest title for a song until the Lil’ Wayne joint ‘Kiss Me Baby’. The Fat Boys were fat, but they were definitely NOT the ghey.