The Mountain Dew madness continues unabated…
Archive for March, 2009
DEW’ng Karaoke…
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009Money 2 Burn…
Monday, March 16th, 2009
One of the most hardbody scenes in the Dark Knight movie is when the Joker presides over a pile of burning cash. Something like a few million or a billion. The amount was astronomical, but what made the scene all the more perverse was the realization that dawned on you that the Joker never even gave a fuck about the money. It was never about the money to him at all, but the thrill of watching everyone else squirm, yell and scream because the cash was all that ever mattered to them.
I feel like I am witnessing that scene all over again except the Joker is now replaced by a faceless giant called the banking industry which takes money from the government, the insurers and from me, all simultaneously. While still keeping a straight face and telling me that it is out of money. The banks aren’t out of money. I am out of money. I am the one who needs the government bailout. I’m buying a loaf of moldy raisin bread for a quarter out of the back of some African lady’s minivan. I’m buying warm coldcuts from some Puerto Rican guy on a skateboard.
Meanwhile, the banks are playing everybody for chumps because we are. And its our own fault too. We are the ones that preferred the convenience of plastic to paper. With all of this convenience comes a price.
That bill hasn’t arrived yet.
THICK CHICKS FOR THE WIN!
Monday, March 16th, 2009
Remember last month when I told you that chunky JESSICA SIMPSON was one of the baddest bitches on two wheels? Some of y”all dudes str8 up slept on her talking about how the ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ JESSICA was better. Chea ya’ right! It looks like the reason I was sweating the thick chick JESSICA is because in times of economic uncertainty the same neural receptors that favor accumulating resources also favor full figured women.
It’s like there’s something in a man’s brain that tells us that lean times are in front of us and then that everlasting biological survival mode kicks in and we start to eyefuck all the ladies with the big drawls. I feel like I have been ahead of the game for some time. From the gate I only fuxed with fat OPRAH. The slim OPRAH was like an evil robot. Most chicks don’t look right either when they downsize from thick to thin. You just knew ANNA NICOLE SMITH was about to crash and burn when she slimmed down.
Watch how many thick chicks become pop starlet superstars the longer our economy stays fucked the fuck up. JENNIFER HUDSON. KELLY CLARKSON. MADEA?!? We are about to find out how much our collective conscious can handle the idea of being impoverished. I wonder if this is how shit was during the time of PAUL RUBENS (no Pee Wee Herman)? Thick chicks were the cats pajamas back then too. If the stock market tumbles just a little further I may have to eBay myself the Queen Latifah swimsuit calendar.
DP.com CRACKHEAD THEATRE…
Monday, March 16th, 2009
Right now it is 4 in the morning and I am wide awake. I am posting this video to my YouTube account since I can’t sleep. I haven’t even been drinking Mountain Dew blue either. I just have a hard time sleeping.
So for all my folks that are like me and can’t sleep during normal hours I have made the video for you. 40Diesel co-stars during our adventures in the Bronx. It’s a strange land this borough is. The only part of New York City that isn’t an island.
The Bronx is it’s own land. It’s a no man’s land. But if you can survive living in the Bronx you can basically live anywhere on the planet. Calcutta, Baghdad, Johannesburg, Lisbon, Cairo, Gaza, Rio, wherever. The discounted and disenfranchised find a way to make their own lane.
DP.com Crackhead Theatre celebrates those people. This is their story…
HOOP DREAMZ 2009…
Sunday, March 15th, 2009
^ Baby Jordan, the golden child…
It is officially that time of year again. Time to blow the dust off your HAROLD MINER sippee cups and get to bracketing. It’s gonna take a whole lot of overtimes to out do what ‘Cuse and UConn did in the Big East tourney last week, but anything goes when it comes to foes. Final foes that is.
All you have do is leave your intentions here in the comments section and an invite to play will be sent to you. As long as you put the proper e-mail address in the field that requests it we shall be, as the kids say “good money”.
As usual, the winner gets a free pair of kicks and I imagine that I will also have some other goodies and treats to issue to lucky folks in the collective. It’s like Lotto, ya’ gotta be in it to win it.