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Every few months I look to see what the kids are listening to just to stay up on trends and learn what the ghetto is trying to express. The biggest rage has been this whole chicken noodle soup nonsense which is just a covert analogy for pissing on someone in the shower. Real talk.

Another popular song is from an artist named JIBBS. Like one of those pop songs produced by WILL.I.AM this rap song has been marketed by geniuses. It’s so bad that you have to talk about it with someone just to confirm that monkeys haven’t taken over your radio. Actually, monkeys are performing, but the T.I.’s still get the checks from Corporate America.

This is when we try to do something on the level of Hip-Hop scholarship in quantifying our contempt for this song. Less our comments section befall the scorn of internets monkey music stanleys. It’s a pretty simple formula anyhoo, keep in mind that I dropped out of high school.

1) First, what we need to do is review the lyrics to the song(s).

3) Scan the songs for the number of polysyllabic words, since these are the most complex to form into rhyme verse.

Whether you want to admit it or not, real good rap music can renegotiate any language like a piece of clay. That means that within Hip-Hop the English language is deconstructed and reassembled, sometimes with a regional dialect. If you love Hip-Hop then you are already familiar with the twang of southern rappers, the nasal sound of west coast artists and so on. My point for all of this is to show you that there is dope rap music that represents the zenith of the art. And there is bolshevik.

I wondered which song I would use to compare and contrast the JIBBS ‘Chain Hang Low’ with. I didn’t want to use anything from BIG DADDY KANE or RAKIM because that would be like watching KOBE aka Rape Boy score 85 points against the Raptors. Get it? Raptors?!? Yeah, I don’t get it either.

I just then remembered watching KEITH MURRAY open the stage for EPMD a couple of weeks ago. Dude ripped through the audience with his vocal dexterity and lyrical gymnastics. Yep, KEITH MURRAY would be the perfect dude to use as an experiment since he is one of the few rappers that can put the word ‘experiment‘ in a verse.

Hold up! Hold up! We not even gonna use that song for this little test. Although the early numbers have the total word count at 557 and the complex (polysyllabic) word count at almost fifty. Those are some RAKIM quotients. Don’t front, dudes from L.I. can flow on some Harvard level shit. Here’s the breakdowns…

JIBBS – ‘Chain Hang Low’
word count = 732 (unusually high for snap music content)
polysyllabic words = 6 (‘platinum’ repeated three times)

KEITH MURRAY – ‘The Rhyme’
word count = 520
polysyllabic words = 22 (‘metaphor’ appears twice)

Less that 1% of the JIBBS song contains a complex word, and y’all wonder why Black babies can’t read?