Remember last month when I told you that chunky JESSICA SIMPSON was one of the baddest bitches on two wheels? Some of y”all dudes str8 up slept on her talking about how the ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ JESSICA was better. Chea ya’ right! It looks like the reason I was sweating the thick chick JESSICA is because in times of economic uncertainty the same neural receptors that favor accumulating resources also favor full figured women.
It’s like there’s something in a man’s brain that tells us that lean times are in front of us and then that everlasting biological survival mode kicks in and we start to eyefuck all the ladies with the big drawls. I feel like I have been ahead of the game for some time. From the gate I only fuxed with fat OPRAH. The slim OPRAH was like an evil robot. Most chicks don’t look right either when they downsize from thick to thin. You just knew ANNA NICOLE SMITH was about to crash and burn when she slimmed down.
Watch how many thick chicks become pop starlet superstars the longer our economy stays fucked the fuck up. JENNIFER HUDSON. KELLY CLARKSON. MADEA?!? We are about to find out how much our collective conscious can handle the idea of being impoverished. I wonder if this is how shit was during the time of PAUL RUBENS (no Pee Wee Herman)? Thick chicks were the cats pajamas back then too. If the stock market tumbles just a little further I may have to eBay myself the Queen Latifah swimsuit calendar.
Right now it is 4 in the morning and I am wide awake. I am posting this video to my YouTube account since I can’t sleep. I haven’t even been drinking Mountain Dew blue either. I just have a hard time sleeping.
So for all my folks that are like me and can’t sleep during normal hours I have made the video for you. 40Diesel co-stars during our adventures in the Bronx. It’s a strange land this borough is. The only part of New York City that isn’t an island.
The Bronx is it’s own land. It’s a no man’s land. But if you can survive living in the Bronx you can basically live anywhere on the planet. Calcutta, Baghdad, Johannesburg, Lisbon, Cairo, Gaza, Rio, wherever. The discounted and disenfranchised find a way to make their own lane.
DP.com Crackhead Theatre celebrates those people. This is their story…
It is officially that time of year again. Time to blow the dust off your HAROLD MINER sippee cups and get to bracketing. It’s gonna take a whole lot of overtimes to out do what ‘Cuse and UConn did in the Big East tourney last week, but anything goes when it comes to foes. Final foes that is.
All you have do is leave your intentions here in the comments section and an invite to play will be sent to you. As long as you put the proper e-mail address in the field that requests it we shall be, as the kids say “good money”.
As usual, the winner gets a free pair of kicks and I imagine that I will also have some other goodies and treats to issue to lucky folks in the collective. It’s like Lotto, ya’ gotta be in it to win it.
Many of you internets are aware of the upcoming South By Southwest Music and Media Conference kicking off tomorrow in Austin, Texas. Unfortunately for the iNternets Celebrities our film submission was denied by the organizers (read: h8rs). I still wanted to attend the attend the conference or some parts thereof because it celebrates the online culture in a way that no one else has tried to approach.
To add to all of that, my homeys from The Smoking Section and Nah’Right are hosting the best party evar in Austin.
Rarely do I ever want to leave New York City, but in this case I feel like I need to take part in this conference and attend the panels and forums that discuss the integration of new media into art and culture like film and music. The big problem that I have with making this trip independently is my money situation. I’m already late with March’s mortgage payment. Even though I would consider this trip as a “working” holiday it is still far too frivolous for me to accept prA’li donations. But what my prA’li friends have shown me is that there is a loyal support base on the internets for DP content.
Now is the time to let some corporation pay for the entertainment and information we provide here at DP dot com. The readers of this site here have certainly paid their dues by contributing their attention span to my endeavors (I calls that mental bandwidth). I don’t want to sell out to just any corporate behemoth either. I would love to sell out to the company that I actually fucks with. I love Mountain Dew Voltage which we shall forever call MTN DEW Blue. How awesome would it be if these folks were the underwriter for my trip to Austin? Retarded awesome should be your answer.
Listen, I also watched the television news special that accused Mountain Dew of rotting kids teeth and I have also heard the rumors that Mountain Dew is out here shrinking brother’s sachs and the what not. I don’t believe none of that shit. Sure if I didn’t ever drink anything else but Mountain Dew that wouldn’t be good for me, but it is way better than coffee when I need that blast. It doesn’t give me the shakes either. What do you think I use to fuel my overnight weblogging sessions that go until 5am somedays? Mountain Dew blue is that fuel and I ain’t ashamed to say it. I wish that Mountain Dew blue was getting the throwback treatment like the classic flavor.
So here’s the rub… Mountain Dew products are made by PepsiCo. Guess who is also one of the major sponsors for the SxSW Conference? Yep, PepsiCo. How difficult would it be for PepsiCo. to fly me (and someone else to hold a camera) down to Austin for the Thursday to Sunday end of the conference? We will shoot a few videos of our time there and the things we experienced similar to the iC’s trip to the Sundance Film Festival. I think that shit is totally do-able and I will be boycotting Mountain Dew blue until they confirm my plane tickets. I pray that I don’t have to ratchet this boycott up another level.
I’m not trying to discount everything that DWAYNE WADE has been doing this season. Of all the players being considered for the Association’s MVP statue WADE is clearly playing with the least talent all around him. The Miami Heat are the current version of the Vancouver Grizzlies without WADE in the backcourt.
But is WADE the MVP?
Looking at the latest numbers you can make the argument. WADE recently capped off a tremendous week by becoming the Heat’s all-time leading scorer ahead of ALONZO MOURNING. He did that in a little over half of the games it required MOURNING. DWAYNE WADE is a consistent scorer, but not in the manner that you would want from your MVP’s. KOBE is the dagger scorer who knifes his opponents with 3-pointer and fade-aways so razor sharp that they cut the larynx of the the opposing fans. LeBRON JAMES is the hammer scorer who bullies the basket with thunderous dunks and muscleman jumpers.
DWAYNE WADE scores 50 points and you have to wonder when did he do it. WADE has the most inappropriate court nickname of all time – “Flash”. His work ethic and countenance on the court belie that moniker. If there ever were a lunch pail superstar in professional basketball then WADE is that guy. Those types of descriptions usually go to modestly skilled non-Black athletes, but WADE is supremely skilled and ridiculously humble. This is why WADE is one of the leading assist making two-guards. Do you remember the big deal the press made when KOBE first learned to give an assist? WADE definitely tries to keep his entire team engaged and alert.
DWAYNE WADE is also a tremendous defensive player. This shouldn’t be overlooked when deciding the MVP even though there is a separate award for defensive player of the year. KOBE might be a better individual defender, while I feel that KOBE is a better all around individual player, but as a team player and a team defender and someone who will answer the bell and do whatever his team needs him to do DWAYNE WADE is that dude.
The only reason I might not grant DWAYNE WADE the MVP award is because of those rumors of him dating STAR JONES right after she divorced AL REYNOLDS. That shit right there is more like M.V.PU~.
