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Sarah’s Not So Sexy Sequel…

January 27th, 2009

sex

Really, SARAH JESSICA PARKER? Really?!?

Is that what people are really looking for? Another two hours of high couture banality with your well-preserved crew of aging tarts. I’m embarrassed and saddened that you and your lady friends became the ‘Golden Girls’ right in front of my eyes. Not that the ‘Golden Girls’ wasn’t an enjoyable program in that cliché way that sitcoms become, but why should the ‘Golden Girls’ have more “shuzzz” than your group?

It is the fault of your producers, writers and designers SARAH JESSICA. It was time to jettison that bunch of behind the scenes flunkies that have no more fire and transition to a team with more flavor than a pair of KIM CATTRALL’s crotchless panties. People want to see these old bitches wanting to have sex, or having sex and then talking about it afterwards, with the same ladies room wit that made the series worth a damn in the first place. Otherwise you should just let Disney produce these movies from now on. Instead of making a sequel to SATC how about you give Ferris Bueller whatever he wants?

I used to fuck with ‘Sex & The City’ so hardbody because I always wanted me a white as cool as those ho’s were. The only white I ever dated were always jungle fever fetish jobs who would not have given a rat’s ass that I loved comic books, cartoons and physics. Them bitches just wanted to go on a safari and do the jungle love (yes Morris Day). I could give you a safari if I wanted to, but I was tired of the safari shit. The jungle is limited in what animal you can portray. I love playing outerspace because it has no limits. Plus I always liked being an asstronutt.

What is ironic and beautiful is that my lady was raised in the center of the jungle on Halsey between Bedford and N.A. and all she likes to do is play outerspace games. My white girl is actually a Black girl with every track from Depeche Mode’s ‘Music For The Masses’ committed to memory. MFTM is so classic and so important since it was released on my birthday. Yeah, it was always all about me after all. ‘Sex & The City’ doesn’t deserve a sequel because it has no soul.

Its become masturbation as a routine. Just ask Ferris Bueller. Bueller? Bueller?

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Lust = Love, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, When I Reminisce..., white, Wig Owners | 11 Comments »

Mothers I’d Like To F…

January 27th, 2009

madonna

Chocolate Snowflake e-mailed me a set of pictures that Madonna shot for whatever wacky shit she is promoting this time around. After 25 years of these silly promotions I too wondered when Madonna was going to hang up the garters so that a younger chick could get her sensationalist on.

Madonna still has a few tricks up her sleeves however. She is a fierce competitor and if you want her crown you are going to have to fight her for it.

madonna

I thought that she made a good decision to keep on the boxing gloves and wrap her hands with taping. If you ever see Madonna’s hands, especially the knuckles, you would shudder. They looked like gnarled pterodactyl claws and babies get scared and cry when they see them.

I’m not mad at Madonna wearing all of this lingerie mixed with boxing equipment and even a four-finger ring. If she wants to get her “box” beat up better than a boxing match it is time for her to bring her old ass to the ‘hood.

Madonna is a helluva entry to put on your resume.

madonna

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Fashion Faux Pas, H.A.M., Ho Sit Down!, Lust = Love, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, When I Reminisce..., Wig Owners | 11 Comments »

EVERYBODY COUNTS…

January 27th, 2009

hope 2009

The Dept. of Homeless Services HOPE 2009 project went down last night. HOPE stands for the Homeless Outreach Population Estimate. The purpose being to create a point in time estimate of the homeless people living in the city so that services can be given to the areas that need it the most.

I participate in the survey every year because I consider myself on the cusp of homelessness. Bigger than living paycheck to paycheck is also the sense that if I needed shelter I would have no place to turn. That isn’t actually the case, but I like to act like it is so that I stay on my grizzly and I remain thankful for all the things that I do have. Can you even fathom someone living outdoors during this time of year? These are nights not fit for man nor beast.

I took on the role of team leader with my surveying group since I was the only one with the gift of gab. You have to know how to approach people in the ‘hood at 2am. As Chris Rock has previously identified most folks on the streets at 2am are up to no good. You don’t want to jump out on folks on some funny style shit because you will get nathan. Maybe some crazy eyes, but mostly nathan.

In the middle of our survey they base office sent a press team out to watch us complete the survey. They were like a bunch of folks who moved to New York City from Iowa. Even the Black dude from NY1 News who grew up in St. Albans seemed to be a bit of a greenhorn. No disrespect to the brother’s naivete because that is what you get when you leave the ‘hood to go to college and better yourself.

At least the brother was kind enough to put me in his segment that they broadcast. If you live or work in New York City you might should want to turn on your TV to channel 1. I get my Obama stump speech on where I tell people why they should feel a sense of obligation to volunteer for endeavors like HOPE 2009, or anything that is community related. Finally we have overcome Black people. The news is now featuring African Americans that have some intelligent shit to say.

NY1 News

Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Ninjas, T.O.N.Y., The MGMT, When I Reminisce... | 9 Comments »

Nike Sportswear Hall Of Fame: HARRY CARSON

January 26th, 2009

carson

The Nike Sportswear NYC Hall of Fame is about the best thing in the world I can think of right now. Everything I love to talk about is all in the same building. NYC sports legends, Nike products and ballpark concessions food. I unfortunately OD’d on the Cracker Jacks and hot dogs at this last session. Next time I will definitely say “No Mas!”

CHRIS ISENBERG is the host for these interviews and where I felt like CHRIS didn’t hit his marks with DWIGHT ‘Doc’ GOODEN he scored with this session’s icon, HARRY CARSON. Ultimately, it wasn’t CHRIS’s fault but some athletes are very reserved and need encouragement to speak publicly, while some jocks are happily jocular and will talk for hours on end about a topic. I’m sorry I missed the AMANI TOOMER session last month.

HARRY CARSON was the anchor of the New York Giants football team that may have had one of the single greatest seasons in pro football history. The 1986 New York Giants were such an incredible, irresistible force on the field because their defense dominated teams in every aspect of play. I’m still surprised that sportswriters don’t mention this team in the same breaths as the classic Steelers, Bears and Ravens squads. HARRY CARSON played alongside GEORGE MARTIN, LEONARD MARSHALL, MARK HAYNES, CARL BANKS, ELVIS PATTERSON and possibly thr greatest defensive player of all time – LAWRENCE TAYLOR.

HARRY CARSON was funny and serious. It was interesting to listen to him recount his early years with the Giants and then their emergence as the dominant defensive team they became. He recalled his friendships with head coach BILL PARCELLS and the mercurial superstar that TAYLOR had become under the bright lights. CARSON even credited JIM BURT with creating the “Gatorade splash” that was made popular during their 1986 title season. More than anything else HARRY CARSON defied the notion of linebackers and their personalities. He was someone I could have listened to for hours on end.

carson