Should’a Never Gave You Niggas Skateboards?!?

November 15th, 2007

ian reid

The New York Times, in typical NYTimes privileged fashion has discovered that negroes are riding skateboards(again!). You already know that I hate the pandering liberal, closeted conservatism of the New York Times. These are the same faux liberal fuckwads that railroaded the six Harlem teenagers falsely accused of raping the Central Park jogger. The NYTimes threw them dudes under the proverbial bus in the worst way. So I am always suspect whenever they run a story that mentions Black youth. Don’t sleep on these supremacists either, in the NYTimes newsroom nooses are referred to as tree accessories.

It turns out that one of the intrepid reporters from the Times, some relocated Mid-Westerner caught a glimpse of some Black kids doing kick flips in front of the Brooklyn Museum of Art. Their attire must have emboldened him to ask the kids a few questions about their reasons for grinding in front of the museum. Of course, PHARRELL WILLIAMS was credited with the fad of skateboarding in the urban community as well as Lupe Fiasco. What was odd to me was that the reporter didn’t dig any further into the urban skate scene than STEVIE WILLIAMS. Typical of the NYTimes to keep their reporting a generic commodification of the true urban skate scene.

My homey IAN REID has been grinding boards from Bed-Stuy to Bangkhok, from Fort Greene to fucking… Yeah! My dude is the underground center city skate king and if you ever saw the video ‘Sex, ‘Hood, Skate & Videotape’ you would already know what’s good. I’m not trying to take anything away from STEVIE WILLIAMS or HAROLD HUNTER (GOD bless the dead), but my nigga IAN goes in with all the street skaters. IAN’s video is a mix of bumfights, drunk nude chicks and yeah, skateboarding. Shit is hardbody as fuck. You don’t believe me? Watch the fucking trailer.

Where In The World Is CAM’RON San Diego?

November 15th, 2007

camron word detective

The new mixtape cover.

Rap music in the new millennium is fueled by personalities and events. Why else are there a dozen or more awards shows annually? It’s not like people are doing more things artistically. It’s just that we are celebrating mediocre art more frequently. At these events we see personalities. Some will be dressed in tophats with tails, while some will opt for white tees.

In a year that has seen some G.O.O.D. music come out of the rap genre we are still dominated by discussion of one of the greatest mediocre rappers evar. CAM’RON GILES has spent the last six months of 2007 in an undisclosed location while the rap world, er, the internets, has speculated on what his future recording career might be. Are we that bored? Yes, and no. The truth is that CAM’RON is one of the rappers who understands the cult of personality disease that plagues most Americans.

Why else do we care about Foxy Brown? Let’s face it, Foxy is a more compelling personality than Lil’ Kim. I could care less about the music output from either lady, but I find myself anxious to hear about Foxy’s latest dustup in the county lockup. CAM’RON applies the same principles for marketing his personality. He has become a character that can possibly say anything at anytime. From his laughable interviews on the Bullshit O’Reilly show to his embarrassment to the entire African American collective on 60 Minutes it’s obvious that CAM’RON knows what to say to push our buttons.

Why else would we even care about his whereabouts? Last week was further proof that CAM’RON still has a buzz with the folks that live in their parents’ basements. A media event was created at the idea of CAM’RON giving away his latest mixtape in front of the Apollo Theatre in Harlem. This is the first music being released by him since his pre-summer squabble with Fifty Cent, another fellow media whore savvy rapper.

Suffice to say, CAM’RON didn’t show, but enough people did show up and report on the scene that ensued. Everyone seemed to be in awe of the pink colored Range Rover. I would venture to argue that even if CAM’RON hadn’t distributed his mixtape on that night just the appearance of a pink painted Range Rover would have satisfied the crowd. The events have exceeded the art that created them. Where in the world is CAM’RON? He’s thinking up his next media event.

The War On Terror = 190 Pairs Of Nike Dunks

November 14th, 2007

dj khaled

Editor’s note: This drop comes from The Ambassador who normally gets her grind on at HipHop DX dot com (MekaSoul stand the fuck up!). Since we were discussing the outrageous integer of 1.6trillion I thought I would let her go in on what that number means to her. To be honest, after reading this I may never buy myself another pair of Nike Dunks. Awww, who are we kidding?!?

It should be no new information that I’m a broke as shit college student, so undoubtedly my perceptions about monetary amounts are a little bit skewed. $5 to me is like $50 most of the time. But I don’t particularly don’t give a 2-girls 1-cup* shit about how rich any of you e-thugs are (unless you want to donate to my college fund). $1.6 trillion is a lot of fucking money, and you can’t deny that, just like Lil Wayne can’t deny that he has a thing for dropping the soap (no hetero).

Gotta love the Democrats sometimes though. Yeah, they’re still some good for nothing, conspiracy theorist food for thought just like their Republican counterparts, but at least the Democrats don’t hesitate to call out the shenanigans of their blackgolddigging political opposites. Well, assuming that the Democrats aren’t lying, that is. Which wouldn’t be too unrealistic considering they are also politicians and well…aw, fuck it, just listen to a Dead Prez album on your own time. I got other shit to talk about.

The Democraps have gotten their hands on a report that compiles statistics and data taken from the Congressional Budget Office, which claims to be a nonpartisan organization (word?), that states that from 2002 to 2008, the war on terror (our wars vs. Afghanistan and Iraq, aka “Operation Fuel Hatred Towards South Asians That People Mistakenly Assume Are Middle Eastern Jihadists Because They’re Dark Skinned, Hairy, Stink of Body Odor and Cheap Cologne, and Speak With An Accent”**) will have cost our country approximately $1.6 trillion. “So what?” you say? “That’s our national debt, shit, I don’t have to pay that off myself, I’m still making that cake – I don’t give a fuck about the war!” Word to Monty Python: my friend, I fart in your general (ignorant) direction.

It has been calculated that given the $1.6 trillion figure, the average (four person) American family has paid upwards of $20,900 towards funding the Afghanistan and Iraq wars. Maybe it’s just my broke ass, but almost twenty one thousand dollars is a whole fucking lot to me. Like the lil’ homey NaSir would say, “Let’s put it all in perspective…”

serena dunks

1 pair of NIKEiD.com customized Dunk lows = $110.
$20,900 divided by $110 = 190 pairs of Dunks (roughly DP’s collection).

Ayo! Not only does that say that Nike charges a whole hell of a lot for its sweatshop produced goods (we can discuss that another day), but that says that we, the American people, are getting internally kidney poked [ll] by our government. Now, mind you, not all of this amount is made up of direct war costs. Parts of it are speculated side effects of the war . Line items such as interest rates on the money we’ve borrowed for funding the war, thus smoking our national debt out with that sticky Ben Franklin green to the point that it’s at the $9 trillion dollar level. The historically highest ever. Somebody grab our debt a bag of Doritos, stat! We got some serious munchies on our hands. Alongside of that, potential health care costs for injured soldiers and the costs of the shit-tastic oil market are taken into account in this $1.6 trillion figure.

Most of you reading this just lost your 190 pairs of Dunks, or quite possibly a full year of your work earnings, to not finding Bin Laden or weapons of mass destruction. To losing many of our civilians’ innocent lives in the battle. To getting Al-Qaeda more pissed at us than ever. To funding wars that you may not have supported in the first place.

Thank Allah (no Abdul Raheem) that it’s almost the end of Bush’s term. Thank Allah that Dallas promised me a pair of Dunks if I consistently throw drops at DP Dot Com. I’ll only have 189 more pairs to go.

*You can find that one on your own. I will not be held responsible for you puking your lunch all over your keyboard. You have been warned.

** My sincere apologies go out to all of the Indian/Bangladeshis that have caught some post September 11th racist slack from ignorant YT’s that don’t know a Syrian from a Sri Lankan. All my 7-11 workers, taxi drivers, and restaurant owners – I still love you. I know you’re not terrorists.

ambassador The Ambassador says…
“Punks jump up to get beat down!”

POLITRICKS 2008: Pay Now, AND Pay Later…

November 14th, 2007

iraq money

One point six trillion. Just say that to yourself. Trillion doesn’t even sound like a real word. That sounds like some made up shit that crunk rappers might use. “Chillaxin in the trap with a trillion hos keep it trill.”

Supposedly, trillion is the designation for numbers exceeding billion. How the fuck do you go higher than a billion? I remember when a million was a fantasy numeral. Now you can buy a hguman skull embedded with diamonds for over a million dollars. Was I high or something when we leapfrogged over the years where a billion was that mystery number? It seems like we just went from the ‘Six Million Dollar Man’ in the one point six trillion dollar debt.

Report: Iraq, Afghan wars cost U.S. $1.6 trillion so far

Here’s why I’m so confused…

The Six Million Dollar Man could do all kinds of super powered shit. We could have sent a hundred of them into Iraq and Afghanistan and that wouldn’t have cost us more than say… $800 million. Do you know how many Six Million Dollar Men we can buy for one point six trillion? Over two hundred and sixty thousand, or twice the number of U.S. troops in Iraq right now.

Since we all know that the government hasn’t been spending even a million dollars on each of our soldiers sent into the desert the question becomes where has ALL of this money has gone? In simple mathematical numbers without the addition of fantasy termsa like trillion or even billion it is plain to see how fucked in the ass our economy will be. Paying off this war will mean that China will pwn our asses until my grandkids’ grandkids reach maturity.

Which presidential candidate will be hardbody enough to say the truth?

The Pack Is Back, But This Time It’s Black!

November 14th, 2007

starr

My cuzzo RYAN GRANT is smashing shit for the Green Bay Packers as their starting running back. Because he is fam I will have to forgive him, for playing for the team with the gheyest name in sports.

I can’t forgive Furiou$tylez for running away with the lead in this years’ DP Dot Com Football Pool. Here’s a look at the leader board as of Week #9…

Furiou$tylez Is Your Daddy 80
The Immigrant from N.O. 78
Zilla Rocca 76
alex2.0_took_a_nosedive 72
Are1 70
Patriot Games 70
DubbleUP 70
BurDenDer 69
Cashus Clay 67
Behind Bars Bengals 66
20/20Proof 65
Godson Across the Belly…iFux 65
53 Centers 64
Desert Sole 64
UR Getting Beat By A GYRL 63
i will not lose 63
Dogfighters Anonymous 63
Tiffany’s a Colts fan 63
bears rule 62
and you say Chi-City 61
AmadeoSweetPicks 61
H8torade’s Hoes 61

Biggup to BELIZE for holding down second place in his first year in the pool. I see ZILLA ROCCA has come to play this year just like last year. ALEX 2.0 makes sure that at least one lady remains in the Top 5.

CANDICE almost earned herself a free pair of sneakers automatically by picking every game in week #9 INCORRECTLY. That is the most difficult shit to do in football. This week has no monster must see games and I think most of poolers can come up on 8 or 9 correct picks. I’m still waiting for the pooler to pick a Boston and earn themselves some Nike Dunks from DP Dot Com automatic status.