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I used to think that General Electric was the GOAT hardbody multi-national corporation because they manufactured high tech weapons systems and they owned all these influential media outlets, but even these dudes have to take a back seat to the Blackwater USA Corp. You see Blackwater USA are the niggas that protect the General Electric representatives when they travel to fucked the fuck up places like Russia and Iraq.

Blackwater operates above all laws of ethics and morality, hell, these niggas are so hardbody that they don’t even have to respect the laws of gravity. They have all kinds of crazy helicopters and jetpacks and unmanned flying drones that will shoot your ass up if you start talking that sideways shit about them too. So I ain’t talking bad shit about these cats, I’m giving them hell’a props. Without Blackwater who would have gotten the Afghanistan heroin trade to operate at such an efficient level? And without Blackwater we might be paying even more for gasoline.

I don’t blame the mainstream media either for renaming mercenaries and soldiers of fortune into contractors. The word contractor sounds way more benign and friendly than mercenary. Contractor evokes some fat dude with a hammer belt on and some painted up overalls. Mercenary just makes me think of people that will kill you because you are stopping the zeroes on their international bank account from piling up.

The big deal right now is that people are uncovering the connection between Blackwater’s seemingly infinite number of Bush administration contracts and the dozens of Republican bigwigs to which Blackwater has made significant campaign contributions. I think that’s a mistake by any reporter to single out Republicans just because those dudes typically flout the laws and the Constitution. I’m sure there a dozens of Democrats that use Blackwater operatives to handle some of their business as well. C’mon people, these Blackwater dudes are just that good. Imagine a company of MacGuyvers with access to all kinds of freaky dekey gadgets and weapons systems. You’d be crazy not to have these dudes on your team. This also helps me understand why no one in Congress ever really tries to eff with G DUBBZ.

Niggas still ain’t found CHONDRA LEVY’s body have they?