Archive for the ‘Sports are Gay’ Category

T.K.C. Goes In On Rapping Athletes…

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

mj marz

Editor’s note: Tony’s Kansas City is one of the the internets most consistent websites for news and views from the fly-over states (read: Middle America). This has made TONY a sort of cultural bellwether for spotting trends and details that emerge from the heartland of the American culturescape. TONY has taken a minute from exposing the hypocrisy of Midwestern politicos and their greedy real estate owning cohorts to address an issue that is all too relevant with the opening of the NFL season and the NBA tipoff not far behind.

Hip-hop will ruin your career as a pro-athlete

Because the world, pop culture and democracy have become nothing more than exercises in cross-marketing and branding it’s still important to remember that the influence of hip-hop extends to even the most mundane aspects of our lives and our television viewing habits.

Sadly, hip-hop’s commercial appeal and its intersection with world of professional sports usually ends up in some kind of train wreck.

It wasn’t always this way. Most of us remember the iconic imagery used by Spike Lee in the early days of marketing the Air Jordans which perfectly fused the urban culture of hip-hop with the overt capitalism of hocking crappy shoes via Lee’s Mars Blackmon coupled with Jordan’s incredible talent. It worked so well that it would eventually inspire so many high school kids to shoot their fellow students in order to possess these cultural status symbols. Still, the shoes, the ensuing controversy and those classic black and white commercials served to keep many Asian toddlers employed and earning enough money so that their families never had to worry about where the next bowl of rice would come from… God Bless you capitalism. Anyhoo, that’s about as good as it got for the merger between hip-hop and pro-sports.

Since then it’s been one embarrassment after another when it comes to pro-athletes and hip-hop.

Admittedly, Shaquille O’Neal had a competent debut album and even a hit single latching onto the flash in the pan fame of the Fu-Schnickens with “What’s up Doc?” Yet, 1993 was not only my senior year in high school but also one of the absolute worst years for hip-hop as the radio pushed turd sandwiches like Digable Planets and I should have been ashamed of myself for listening to crap like N2Deep‘s “Back to the hotel.” I apologize. Anyway, the point here is that Shaq’s foray into the world of rap music was only slightly less embarrassing than the film Kazaam.

Similarly, Allen Iverson’s rap music career was cut short when his CD release in the earlier part of this decade was deemed “coarse, offensive and antisocial” (all prerequisites for a great rap CD) by NBA commissioner David Stern.

iverson

And with all of this history you’d think that pro-athletes would stop trying to pursue a career in the hip-hop game which is neither as lucrative nor as likely to lead to a long-term relationship with a blonde groupie as pro-sports.

Sadly, trends have a way of turning up late in the Midwest which might explain Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson’s recent rap controversy and the dis track that may or may not have come from his lips. No homo?

Now LJ vehemently denies the voice on the track is his even though it sounds exactly like him. And the flash in the pan rap group says it was just a stunt for publicity even though they’ve also given radio interviews saying that it was, in fact, Johnson.

The song, rapped in a voice similar to Johnson’s and peppered with references to the f- and n-words, blasts Chiefs president and general manager Carl Peterson — suggesting it was made during Johnson’s holdout before he signed a five-year contract extension worth a guaranteed $19 million and nearly $28 million in the first three years.

The lyrics include: “Carl Peterson, the GM’s running it. They see me, they want to treat me like I’m running it. I wouldn’t give a (expletive) if I’m not coming back. I’d rather play for another team because I’d rather be a running back.”

Yep, the little known rap group went back and forth with their story but in light of the fact that the Chiefs are owned by the Hunt Family who some crackpot conspiracy theorists (like myself) cite as key players in the Kennedy Assassination – It’s no great leap to see how some coercion might have been applied in much the same way that Larry Johnson has never been convicted of domestic violence but he has a solid reputation around KC for putting his shoe on any broad who gives him a hard time.

Still, the important part of the equation here is that even the vague association with any credible form of hip-hop will immediately tarnish the reputation of a pro-athlete. A competitor is allowed to nearly decapitate another human being on the field of sport BUT uttering a rhyme with curse words, the n-word or any decent idea seems to be expressly verboten. And it’s not like I’m standing up for that d-bag and part-time male model for Rocawear Larry Johnson HOWEVER it just strikes me as odd that so many pro-athletes are inspired by hip-hop and the marketing of professional sports is definitely influenced by the music but any specific involvement with the musical genre seems to bring about disaster in so many instances.

Therefore, let Larry Johnson’s dis track serve as an example to any athlete about to get into the rap game. DON’T DO IT! Despite rampant commercialism and the apolitical freak show acts of the vast majority of rappers from The South; at its heart hip-hop is STILL an art form intended to provoke, incite and educate its audience. Meanwhile, pro-sports are simply the modern day equivalent of the brutal Roman games now taking place in this historical epoch and intended only to obfuscate greater social concerns with illusions of fair play, bravery and courage while the empire (unfortunately) moves closer to collapse.

d-bag larry

DP Dot Com Football Pool Wk. 2 Recap…

Monday, September 17th, 2007

chad vader

CHAD JOHNSON IS YOUR FATHER!

Okay, okay, I know it’s only week 2 in the NFL, but your boy Ocho Cinco is about to pwn the GOAT’s single season record for receiving yards if this fool keeps this shit on and cracking. I like CHAD JOHNSON too [ll], but he isn’t as spectacular as my big homey RANDITO. On Monday night October 1st these two maniacs go head to head [ll]. I’m trying to catch that joint at a bar because there is gonna be some fireworks on that night.

So what’s good with this Yahoo administered pool? I see that some of you folks aren’t smelling the way it goes down. That’s too bad because I am enjoying not having to total and post forty plus scores and ascending overalls on a weekly basis. Y’all only pay me to talk shit. Now pay some attention…

mr.foote
ElGringoColombiano
Behind Bars Bengals
getmedontshitme

You folks still aren’t on the scoring board. I hope that you don’t don’t despair and give up the chase for the trophy this early in the season. I will drop the lowest scoring week of everyone in the pool so don’t feel like you have lost two(2) weeks. You only lost one.

As for the leaderboard as of week 2…

Belizean PumPum Killa – Some of y’all already know my homey from his blog – DahShyt. True story is that in the beginning of the season he wasn’t too sure about effing with the pool since he doesn’t follolw the football scores too hardbody. I told him not to worry about it and just choose the teams with the more gullier mascots. Now dude is in first place.

JUS, that XXX-Men video was disabled, but I will prah’lee upload the still images to a BLU CHEEZ photo gallery.

DubbleUp – Dubbz has been riding with DP Dot Com for a minute and he might finally be ready to win some DP Dot Com Nike Dunks (or Air Max).

dutch’s masters – I hadn’t met DM until the football pool kicked off. I hope DM stays with us past the NFL season, but even still it’s cool to have someone effing with us from Dutchland, or is it Deustchland, or is it doucheland? Whatever is clever DM.

I see FUXXX up near the top, as well as DART and ESKAY’s wigbrusher Furiou$tylez. The gang is all here so let’s keep it popping. I promise I’ll figure a few ways to add some spice to the pool. All I need for y’all to do is stay in the pocket throughout and not get shook and run off (no RON MEXICO).

DP Dot Com Football Pool Wk. 1 Recap…

Monday, September 10th, 2007

ouch

I think that we can all agree : PEYTON >>>> ELI

What the fuck is the league doing playing a football game at 2am? The San Francisco / Arizona tilt doesn’t start until 10pm and even if they were playing on rollerskates that shit wouldn’t de done before 1:30am. The NFL better start issuing fucking late passes to everyone’s offices because if you are hardbody enough to catch a few beers for the late game your ass ain’t getting to work before 11am.

As usual you girl CANDICE starts off the season nearly leading all the DP Dot Commenters in the football pool. If she hadn’t missed that one week last season she would have won outright. I like that everyone is buched up at the top, except for ‘I Will Not Lose’ who managed the Herculean feat of getting only one correct pick. Keep that up and you won’t lose because I am giving the worst pooler a free pair of kicks.

Several poolers sheets are reading INCOMPLETE. I’m not sure what you folks did or did not do, but if you figure it out please share with the rest of us. As for this weeks’ overall winner… You get a free DVD mailed out to you. Good luck poolers!

DA-DA-DA-DUNNNNN (Theme From MNF)

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

1986 bths

I decided to add my own little wrinkles to this years DP Dot Com Football Pool…

Weekly Winners
Weekly Winners will receive free shit from DP Dot Com Football Pool sponsors as of which there are none right now, but do not be forlorn or dismayed because I’m sure that someone will have some free shit to give us in return for their advertisements.

Overall Loser
As difficult as it will be to win this pool outright will be the difficulty in being the worst of all poolers. Whomever finishes the season with the lowest overall point total and played the entire time will definitely have a pair of kicks sent to them courstesy of DP Dot Com.

As a reminder, don’t forget to complete your Pick’Em sheet in it’s entirety. Including ALL tiebreaker questions.

LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!

VOTE FOR PEDRO! OBAAMA, NOT SO MUCH…

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007

pedro

PEDRO MARTINEZ didn’t return to the Mets in time to same my fantasy baseball squad from being mired in mediocrity, but his return might just be the medicine that heals the reeling Metropolitans.

Mets 10 – Reds 4

The Mets haven’t been the dominant National League team that I expected them to be when the season began. Sure CARLOS BELTRAN, JOSE REYES and DAVID WRIGHT are All-Stars, but the rest of the team lack the fire that you see with champion clubs. I think that PEDRO MARTINEZ is more than simply one of the best pitchers of all time, but a presence inside of the clubhouse that motivates younger players and relaxes veterans.

He’s also the lynchpin of the DP Dot Com retirement portfolio. If I don’t sell some of these gotdamned t-shirts I may end up eating ALPO instead of Libby’s corned beef hash (some would argue that they are one in the same, but the Libby’s price point is higher and taste better. Trust me). This is where y’all come in.

By purchasing a DP Dot Com ‘Vote For Pedro’ t-shirt you will be contributing to my 2040 presidential campaign. I figure by that time this country will be ready to elect a formerly cocaine addicted alcoholic, who just happens to be Black. Your contribution of twenty dollars will allow DP Dot Com to continue to operate as a watchdog for social justice and fashion trends (read: pay my monthly Optimum Online bill). I have only three(3) ‘Vote For Pedro’ shirts left in stock. They are all sized XXL, and I’m not talking about the magazine.

big gay al DP Dot Com Political Advisor
I’d buy one to support Dallas Penn. Hell, I’d buy two and sew them together so that I could wear it.

If I used to smoke crills, and now I’m considered mainstream, why can’t Dallas Penn make it to the White House?


vote for pedro