Archive for the ‘Sports are Gay’ Category

Major League Baseball Better START SNITCHING

Friday, June 9th, 2006

jose

I apologize to the kid H.R. from the site START SNITCHING dot com for swagger jacking this post from him before he has the chance to open this shit up in his own unimitable way. Dude has a dope post about HBO’s ‘The Wire’ series rocking the lead space at his page. Go there and tell him that your cousin BILLY SUNDAY sent you.

Speaking of the wire…

MLB’s JASON GRIMSLEY was almost pressured by Federal agents into wearing a wire while they continued to target BARRY BONDS’ alleged steroid use. It makes me wonder why the Feds have this surreal witchhunt against BONDS. I think someone in the F.B.I. may not have had their glove signed when they were a little dude. I mean, like these dudes have a major hardon for BARRY BONDS on some ex-lover type shit. In the meantime no one knows who killed BIGGIE or TUPAC. If the F.B.I. wants to target illegal drugs and the what not that is cool, but we all know that to fill our cities up with the dope and crack means that the shit comes over here in large container ships and not in a suitcase. Don’t just arrest BARRY BONDS and act like you did anything to save the lost souls inside the center city.

So what that baseball players are using steroids and human growth hormone in order to stay competitive in their league. Who knows what other drugs they are using? Who cares?!? So many of these players are having heart attacks and dying in their late forties and early fifties that drug abuse shouldn’t even be a surprise. I’m not even amazed that it’s the Latin players that have the connects to the best junk either. Even though it’s baseball it’s still the real world. Why don’t you think there are any Colombian baseball players? It’s ’cause the coca still makes more scrilla.

I Blame TIGER WOODS…

Tuesday, June 6th, 2006

tiger wu

It’s been a day full of sports related posts because… well, because it’s my blog bitches! Nahh, but seriously, I can’t talk about Iraq all the time and I see so many of our most sacred social underpinnings inside the world of sports. Our most cherished stereotypes reside within the games people play. Race, class, ethnicity all come to the front when we are rooting for the home team, but not all sports are about team play. Some competition is individually intense. Tennis is one sport that comes to mind, and speaking of coming to mind, there is masturbation. I think that should be a sport, especially if you do it more than twice a day. If you do it in the stalls at your office bathroom or in a mall restroom then I think you are one of the vanguards pushing it forward. I think masturbation would be a great event for the Winter Olympics. If it went to the Summer games then you know jigs would be the only ones to medal (Jamaicans winning gold). Slightly less entertaining than tennis and way less entertaining than Onanism would be golf.

There has been a reported interest in this sport ever since ELDRICK WOODS became a ballyhooed professional golfer. It hasn’t made me much more interested in watching it than say watching cars drive in a circle for five hours. I did attend the U.S. Open at Bethpage and the Open a few years prior at Shinnecock (no b.b.), but to be honest there was nothing much to see. ELDRICK is given credit for bringing new faces into the game, but the only new faces that I can think of are women golfers and my homey JIMMY CHAN (pic above). JIMMY’s not a professional, he just likes wearing the knickers. The best new woman golfer is Asian also just like ELDRICK. Her name is MICHELLE WIE and she is only like 11yrs old, but she has man size hands and a hermaphrodite penis so they let her play against the men. She kicks azz too.

Asians are great at golf because it requires you to do complex mathematical calculations in order for you to keep score. That’s why you don’t see any Blacks playing golf. You actually have to graduate from high school and go to college in order for you to join the P.G.A. and the country clubs across America have strict rules about only letting people play that have graduate degrees. Pretty soon golf will be only dominated by Asians with Information Technology Masters degrees. You should blame ELDRICK. He’s ‘cablanasian’.

tiger sister

Blue Devils Back In Business

Tuesday, June 6th, 2006

duke lax

Haven’t we made the good people at Duke University suffer enough? It’s time to begin the healing the healing process. That’s why the Duke Lacrosse team will offer special discounts on home game ticket packages purchased by prostitutes. “Bring your bastards children out to see our sticks”, boasts University prexy RICHARD BRODHEAD.

You can buy your tickets to next season’s Duke University lacrosse games here.

Why Black Boys Don’t Care About Baseball

Monday, June 5th, 2006

m.j.

Let’s see if the New York Times will pick up this story…

Thirteen years ago was the beginning of the death for young Black boys attraction to baseball. It didn’t have to be that way because the most charasmatic athlete since MUHAMMAD ALI was about to put on a pair of cleats and attempt to hit a breaking ball. MICHAEL JORDAN had retired from the Association and he was contemplating bringing his rare air to the Major Leagues. Unlike the great two-sport athletes of our time like BO JACKSON and DEION SANDERS, JORDAN was in a universe all of his own. He was a national hero that had a global following.

m.j.

Baseball’s attraction for African American youth had been waning since the late seventies. Ever since we found out that REGGIE JACKSON was actually a Mexican Puerto Rican. Latin players were now becoming the rising minority demographic in the MLB and the Black players inside the league had all of the charisma of a wet paper bag. Great players like RICKEY HENDERSON were confusing to Black kids because he often talked in the third person. Right inside of the city that JORDAN ruled with his Bulls teammates there was a popular young slugger who himself was on the verge of stardom. His name was FRANK THOMAS and we shall heretofore refer to him as player hater supreme.

m.j.

Instead of welcoming JORDAN’s presence into the Chicago White Sox, THOMAS lashed out at him for his attempt at playing baseball. THOMAS argued that there was some kid somewhere that wasn’t getting the chance to play baseball on the highest level because of the roster exception that was given to JORDAN. Nevermind the fact that JORDAN wasn’t placed on the White Sox major league team, he was only offered a minor league contract and a chance to tryout. What THOMAS was really afraid of was that JORDAN would steal his little bit of Chi-Town shine. It wasn’t enough for JORDAN to own Chicago for six months out of the year, but now he was going to own it 24-7-365.

Because of FRANK THOMAS’ hate JORDAN was unmotivated to pursue baseball with the zeal that he normally displayed. He played a bunch of minor league games and he even hit a couple of minor league home runs, but JORDAN never got to shoot the shot on the MLB big stage. Too bad for us because that could have been the one thing to motivate Black kids to look at baseball in a real sense and not just something for which to buy an oversized jersey and hat.

m.j.

WORLD CUP 2006 Preview: England’s Boot Still Firmly Planted in Jamaica’s Arse

Sunday, June 4th, 2006

futebol is for faggots

Move along chaps. Nothing to see here.

The only thing that can interest me in the World Cup soccer matches would be if there were a stampede at one of the stadiums. That’s pretty exciting I would say. Imagine 100,000 people all runing over one another because someone yelled out “free sausages” (nullus). I am not sure what else would motivate a stampede, but boy would that be great to watch.