Archive for the ‘Sports are Gay’ Category

The MLB Diamond Loses Its Value…

Friday, August 1st, 2008

griff

This season found us paying homage to the greatness of KEN GRIFFEY Jr. and NYC native, the magnificent MANNY RAMIREZ. By the time this season is over we will be watching both of them perform for different ballclubs than when the season began. These two players are a sure-shot first ballot lock to be voted into the Hall of Fame. Why in the world would the teams that hold their contracts want to move them?

This was an economic fire sale by the owners in the MLB. If it were just GRIFFEY Jr. and MANNY then maybe we could call that a contract year coincidence, but when you see all kinds of big name all-star talent get shifted around the league you realize that none of these owners wants to pay the piper. ALEX RODRIGUEZ’s Yankee deal is forcing other teams to dig deep into their pockets (read: profits) as the time to renew some of their big tickets draw near.

I think its a fucked up statement to the fans that have rooted for these players for five to ten years as a member of their respective home teams to now have to decide whether they remain loyal to a player who has brought them excitement or an organization that is only considering their bottom line. It wasn’t just the players who were using the cream and the clear. Since 1996 the MLB’s attendance and profits have been swole like they used the whole box of HGH on their accounting ledgers. Now that the kibosh has come down on their drug party everyone except the Yankees is acting broke.

Bullshit, the whole argument about big market small market teams. Wherever a ballclub exists it receives a windfall of subsidies from the local government. Shit like free real estate to build their stadiums, most of which are unoccupied for more than 3/4ths of the year. There’s usually free infrastructure development to facilitate the fans delivery to these ballparks. Fuck the MLB owners and their mini-fiefdoms fed off the public dole. That shit is called welfare by everyone except the cowards. At least a mother with three children living in the ‘hood wouldn’t charge me $8 for a bottle of beer.

The racist apologist JERRY SEINFELD has said some funny things. One of those lines goes something like this, “Baseball players change teams so often that I feel like I’m rooting for a piece of laundry.” He was fucking right. The shit that really pisses me off though is that I now have to buy another fucking baseball jersey.

willie red

LIVE LIFE, LOVE ‘LO…

Friday, August 1st, 2008

jesse

I am gearing up my lifestyle to represent for the ’08 Summer Olympiad games in Beijing.

I decided to pull a little piece of refinery from the archives.

JESSE OWENS lives and teh fashion nazis get merc’ked.

100% handmade silk a/k/a ‘The Minimum’.

jesse

jesse

HO SIT DOWN!

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

brett favre

Editor’s note: 40 Diesel gets the DP Dot Com family hyped up for the 2009 season of “Not For Long”.

I hate this time of year in regards to sports, there’s nothing popping at all. I root for the Amazin’s, and I’m glad to see them get to first place (much to the demise of Brownsville’s WILLIE RAN), but I’m not gonna front beisbol is like a distant fifth in sports interest to your dude. My other love – GOLF is on a serious back burner, since EL TIGRE is laid up on IR and its not as much fun with him out there rattling people’s cages. So until the Olympics kick in providing a respite from the doldrums of sport, I have to keep my eyes on the start of NFL camps and prepping for the greatest sport of them all. News of NFL training camp has always been a bittersweet moment. It signals the start of my favorite sport, but is also signals the death knell for summer. These NFL camps got off to an interesting start with the impending “un-retirement” of Mississippi’s own BRETT FARVE. Seems like ole #4 can’t just seem to hang them up, and like most vanity driven athletes/celebrities realized that “they just can’t leave it alone, the game needs me!!!”

The problem is this Brett, other than your ego – YOU HAVE NO REASON TO RETURN!

Much like MICHAEL JORDAN pushing off BRYON RUSSELL to hit the chip-clinching shot, you couldn’t pick a better season to retire off of. Going an unexpected 13-3, The Pack threatened the NFC for a Super Bowl birth and over the course of this season Farve broke DAN MARINO’S records for Passing Yardage and Touchdowns. With the new found running game led by RYAN GRANT, and the ever patient AARON RODGERS waiting in the wings, it looked lovely in Lambeau. FARVE retired on great terms, and set up his beloved franchise of a decade and a half in great shape for the future. All was well in the NFL’s smallest market, in fact the NFL loved FARVE so much the set up his jersey retirement ceremony on one of the biggest nights of the season – the 2008 regular season debut of Monday Night Football, at Lambeau against long time division rivals the Minnesota Vikings. Pretty much perfect…. NO?

NOPE. Brett got antsy and is getting his best “Mama Said Knock You Out” on and is calling it a comeback, for the third offseason/preseason in a row, and because of this I’d like to nominate him for a DPdotcom “HO SIT DOWN!”

Why? Brett you’re old. Know when to leave the party. Think about NAMATH as a Ram, MONTANA as a KC Chief, EMMITT as a Cardinal, MJ as a Wizard, post-Black Album JAY-Z… Outside of jersey sales there is nothing memorable about people sticking around longer than they need to. Do you not know you’re tempting fate by coming back and sullying what was a great career? Brett we’ve ignored your addiction to pain killers, the fact you have the career record for INTERCEPTIONS, and other less memorable facets of your career, but this one is quite inexcusable, and dare I say disrespectful to the NFL. I’ve always admired that the NFL made sure that no individual player was ever greater than the league itself, but Commissioner ROGER GODDELL is effin’ up on this one. Its over my man, you had a great run, but now you’re coming off like a bitter ICE-T, hating on SOULJA BOY.

So in closing, Brett…

HO SIT DOWN!!! (Please)

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Cookie Pussies…

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

cookie puss

I will never look at ice cream the same way again.

Where There’s Smoke, There’s A Fire…

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

stern

Damage and spin control continues for the NBA’s commissioner as more information about the TIM DONAGHY case leaks to the press.

It appears that DONAGHY was connected with another referee whom he called over a hundred times during the period that he was providing inside information to the sports booking ring he colluded with. I wonder if CHARLES BARKLEY is one of his favorite fives too.

NBA commissioner DAVID STERN keeps jumping up and down saying that DONAGHY was a lone rogue referee and that he acted alone. I for one don’t believe him and I am anxious to see some more officials pulled in front of a grand jury. It doesn’t seem possible to me for one man to fix games all by himself. That is a network operation.

Too bad for DAVID STERN if the Association is reduced to simply being an hourlong sporting event built around advertising sneakers.