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And The Hits Keep Coming…

Tuesday, February 5th, 2008

ouch

Editor’s note: The Ambassador goes in on why she watches football in the first place. Guess what, it ain’t the tight pants.

I’m not about to act like I know much about football, because I don’t (Vernand Morency is proof of this), but I at least thought I knew who was going to win the Super Bowl. Well, once again, I was wrong. But I know I’m not the only one who is feeling like an idiot right now! I can’t recall speaking to anybody that thought that the Patriots would lose. Then again, I do go to George Mason – maybe the people I was speaking to took me out of context and thought I was talking about the infamous GMU Patriots who actually did win their last game. And, of course, they also had a recent win against VCU. Mason vs. VCU is pretty much the Super Bowl of the Colonial Athletic Association when it comes to basketball, so…well, let me stop bragging about my school. We’ll save that kind of talk for March Madness time.

Anyway, here we stand. Another Super Bowl Sunday behind us. And truthfully, I’m kind of glad. While Charles Grant was busy getting stabbed in the neck while he was out at a club, the Giants and Patriots players were warming up and practicing the most idiotic of dances to perform when the touchdowns would be scored, the pork patrol was loading up on donuts to provide sustenance for the long night of pulling over drunk drivers, fatasses across the country (in true American fashion) were making sure that they had a sufficient supply of buffalo wings and beer, and I found myself bored out of my mind. You would think that spending three years of my life on the sidelines of football games with a fake smile on my face while wearing a little skirt that barely covered my ass might make me enjoy football more. But alas, I still don’t even understand the game. Hell, I remember doing first and 10 cheers on the sidelines and not even knowing what a first and 10 meant. Not a good look. Actually…I take that back. The skirts trump the lack of knowledge. It was still a good look. Ah, high school. The good old days.

Speaking of the good old days, I realized that the only part of football that truly entertains me is the art of the tackle. So, I decided to utilize the great power of distraction known as YouTube to take a trip into the wonderful tackles of football games past. Take a look at what I found… and don’t worry, if you’re at work – just turn the sound off. They’re just as great in silence.


Joe Paterno took one hell of a hit in that video. This would also be the only tackle in this small bunch that I actually saw on TV when it happened. That was some crazy shit. Take into account how old he was when this happened and it’s even more amazing. I don’t think I’d even bother standing up after that one – I’d just coach the rest of the game from the ground. Joe Paterno is hardbody, sonn.


I have no idea who this is, but fast forward to the one minute mark for the slow motion replay. There is only one word to describe this clip: ouch.


This looks like the game wasn’t that big of a deal, but I’m sure the guy getting tackled in this one isn’t going to forget it. Word to Lil’ Jon, they were knockin’ some heads off in this one. Well, maybe not heads. More like helmets. Peep how far away it landed from the guy’s body!


Here we have someone named Ray Small getting laid out. But that’s not the best part of this video – check out the guy who tackled him after he made the hit. He looks so happy and full of joy. I think for a second his run actually turned into a skip. A trot perhaps. Ah, yes, the amazingly blissful feeling of fucking somebody the fuck up. Nothing like it. What a rush.


I had to throw this one in to defend cheerleading. Well, maybe this isn’t defending it, but it shows that we cheerleaders can take hits too. To my knowledge, this girl ended up with a concussion and ripped her ear off or something Mike Tyson-esque like that. This has to be the best cheerleading fuckup video on YouTube. Watch as her stunt partner pokes at her like road
kill while she’s out cold, and take notice of how the person recording it all doesn’t make a move to get up and help. Classic.

rocko Rocko Rocorski says…
“Helmets?!? DP Dot Com don’t need no stinkin’ helmets!”

Posted in iNternets Celebrities, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sports are Gay, The Ambassador, The Guest Room, When I Reminisce... | 13 Comments »

TOM BRADY: The G.O.A.T. Black Quarterback…

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

brady

If TONI MORRISON can get away with calling BILL CLINTON our first Black president because he…

  • 1. Grew up poor
  • 2. Smoked weed
  • 3. Played a saxophone
  • 4. Stepped out on his ol’ lady
  • 5. Did I say he smoked weed?
  • 6. Called OBAAMA “my nigga” in public

    • then I can apply the same principles to the New England Patriots QB TOM BRADY…

    brady

  • 1. Rocks Nike Air Force 1’s
  • 2. Has a B.M. (that’s a baby mama)
  • 3. Best friend definitely smokes weed
  • 4. Only effs with supermodels
  • 5. Stays winning in sports

    • Somebody is gonna have to send DOUG WILLIAMS a ‘Ho Sit Down’ e-mail…

    brady

    Posted in Black Bullshit, Ghetto Celebs, Sports are Gay | 16 Comments »

    The Say Hey Shea Kid Says “Yo!”…

    Friday, February 1st, 2008

    mr met

    As in JOHAN SANTANA

    MLB World Series ’08 champs = New York Metropolitans.

    You read that here first. Act like you know!

    Posted in Fanboy Ish, Sneaker Fiends United, Sports are Gay, T.O.N.Y., Wig Owners | 10 Comments »

    SUPREMACY WILL SPLIT YOUR WIG…

    Sunday, January 27th, 2008

    wigs

    All Wig Owners are not created equal.

    When I talked about Wig Owners > Wig Brushers I admit that I generally assumed that all Wig Owners were given the same considerations irrespective of their racial background. I’m embarrassed that I could be so naive. Here in America we have an entire socio-economic culture that is based entirely upon the construct of racism. Just when I think that someone transcends this construct I am shown evidence to the contrary.

    Take a look at some of these Wig Owners and the treatment they receive from the mainstream media based on their race. Do you think that racism would be as viable if it weren’t directly connected to capitalism via supremacy? What I’m asking you is whether or not we allow Wig Owners a certain allowance because we can make money from them.

    TIME OUT > JAIL TIME

    britney spears BRITNEY SPEARS
    Instead of being in a rehabilitation clinic she is performing on the front and center stage of the MTV awards. The t.I.’s at MTV would prefer a drugged out BRITNEY SPEARS instead of the fruit loopy KANYE WEST. Was it because they knew that we would talk about the pop princess trainwreck for weeks to come?

    FOXY BROWN
    Not just is she doing jail time, but she is also spending time in solitary confinement a/k/a ‘The Box’. Can you imagine how far under the jail we might put Foxy if she were sniffing cocaine off her baby’s stomach like BRITNEY?
    		 foxy brown

    SOME NIGGA O.D.’s > AN ICON’s TRAGIC DEMISE

    heath ledger HEATH LEDGER
    What HEATH LEDGER’s death means in the short term for me is that the premiere for ‘The Dark Knight’ will be even more crowded than usual. LEDGER’s family lucked out that HEATH was effing with the OLSENs and not the LOHAN clan. We may never have recovered the body had LINDSAY’s dad got a hold of him.

    PIMP C
    Since when does an autopsy on a 36yr old take more than two months? Maybe if Pimp C’s fans bought more of his albums instead of downloading them the BUTLER family could afford to have the coroner’s report released?
    		 pimp c

    ACTUALLY RUNNING OVER BITCHES > RAPPING ABOUT IT

    lizzie grubman LIZZIE GRUBMAN
    GRUBMAN allegedly yelled “Fuck you white trash!” from the window of her Mercedes-Benz SUV before she mowed down over a dozen patrons at a nightclub in the Hamptons. Bones were broken, and since no one died, and GRUBMAN is a rich, connected bitch her vehicular assault conviction and subsequent eight years jail sentence was reduced to a misdemeanor and a thirty day plea deal.

    REMY MARTIN
    REMY MA raps about shooting people and strongarming witnesses to crimes. I suggest to her to hire GRUBMAN’s public relations firm, but those chicks have prah’lee already shot their load,
    		 remy ma

    CHEMICALLY ENHANCED DOUCHEBAGS

    roger clemens ROGER CLEMENS
    Major league douchebag who can still command appearance fees at seminars for teaching young athletes.

    BARRY BONDS
    Major league douchebag on his way to prison.
    		 barry bonds

    DIRTBAG SOUL SONGBIRD > DRUGGED OUT DIVA

    amy winehouse AMY WINEHOUSE
    When Rolling Stone magazine anointed her the new queen of soul a little bit of Motown died again.

    WHITNEY HOUSTON
    How come no more Grammy awards for this crackhead?
    		 whitney houston

    Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., Hollyweird, Lust = Love, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Social Upheaval, Sports are Gay, Wig Owners | 14 Comments »

    DP Dot Com x NFL Playoffs Pool Scoreboard

    Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008

    LT

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but the Super Bowl makes me sad nowadays. Not because the games are fun to watch, but because there is such a finality to the football season. And now I will stuck watching the Knickerbockers until baseball season begins.

    The big game is all set. The unstoppable machine that has been the New England Patriots versus the immovable force that has become the upstart wildcard New York Giants. Candice please sit down. I can’t bear to see another MANNING win a Super Bowl, but that just might happen. No matter how you slice and dice it the NFL stays winning.

    How has the NFL managed to avoid the scrutiny of facing the public with players that are obviously loaded with human growth hormone and steroids? By having players commit far more niggardly criminal acts like throwing tens of thousands of dollars into the air and then shooting at people as they scramble for the money. And dogfighting.

    Who cares who shot John at this point anyhoo. We have a pool to play in. Let’s see who’s on top this week…

    New England
    T. Brady – 207yds overall = 10pts, 2TD = 12pts / Total = 22pts
    R. Moss – 32yds overall = 3pts / Total = 3pts
    DEFENSE – 2INT = 2pts, 1SCK = 1pt / Total = 3pts

    Green Bay
    B. Favre – 236yds overall = 11pts, 2TD = 12pts / Total = 23pts
    R. Grant – 26yds overall = 2pts / Total = 2pts
    V. Morency – 9yds overall = 0pts / Total = 0pts
    D. Driver – 141yds overall = 14pt, 1TD = 6pts / Total = 20pts
    D. Lee – 35yds overall = 3pts, 1TD = 6pts / Total = 9pts
    M. Crosby – 2XP = 2pts, 2FG = 6pts / Total = 8pts

    San Diego
    L. Tomlinson – 6yds overall = 0pts / Total = 0pts
    C. Chambers – 90yds overall = 9pts / Total = 9pts
    A. Gates – 17yds overall = 1pt / Total = 1pt

    New York
    B. Jacobs – 67yds overall = 6pts, 1TD = 6pts / Total = 12pts
    P. Burress – 151yds overall = 15pts / Total = 15pts
    L. Tynes – 3FG = 9pts, 2XP = 2pts / Total = 11pts
    DEFENSE – 2INT = 2pts / Total = 2pts

    Here’s a look at the scores of our poolers…

  • the ambassador – 123pts

    • QB – Tom Brady (Patriots) – 22(53)
    RB – Vernand Morency (Packers) – 0
    RB – Shaun Alexander (Seahawks) – 9(13)
    WR – Micheal Spurlock (Buccaneers) – 0
    WR – Antwaan Randle El (Redskins) – 15
    TE – Matt Spaeth (Steelers) – 0
    FLEX – Chris Chambers (Chargers – WR) – 9(33)
    KICKER – Adam Vinatieri (Colts) – 6
    D/ST – Dallas Cowboys – 3

  • Peter Divito – 173pts

    • QB BRADY – 22(53)
    RB L TOMLINSON – 0(24)
    RB B JACOBS – 12(40)
    WR S HOLMES – 10
    WR R. WAYNE – 13
    TE MERCEDES LEWIS – 7(8)
    FLEX C. PORTIS – 8
    K CROSBY – 8(14)
    DEF DALLAS – 3

  • Paul Ruppert – 139pts

    • QB – Peyton Manning (IND) – 37
    RB – L. Tomlinson (SD) – 0(24)
    RB – Clinton Portis (WAS) – 8
    WR – Randy Moss (NE) – 1(2)
    WR – Donald Driver (GNB) – 20(21)
    TE – Heath Miller (PIT) – 14
    FLEX- Nate Burleson (SEA) – 3(9)
    K- Lawrence Tynes (NYG) – 11(20)
    D/ST- Dallas – 3

  • KiNGrEX – 168pts

    • QB=TOM BRADY – 22(53)
    RB=FRED TAYLOR – 4(15)
    RB=EARNEST GRAHAM – 15
    WR=DONALD DRIVER – 20(21)
    WR=REGGIE WAYNE – 13
    TE=ANTONIO GATES – 1(3)
    FLEX=BRANDON JACOBS – 12(40)
    K=NICK FOLK – 5
    D/ST=WASHINGTON – 3

  • zillz – 112pts

    • peyton manning – 39
    LT – 0(24)
    maurice jones drew – 6(20)
    donald driver – 20(21)
    randy moss – 1(2)
    folk – 5
    bucs – 1

  • MrEin = 0pts
  • Casey – 122pts

    • QB Favre – 23(49)
    RB Alexander – 9(13)
    RB C Portis – 8
    WR TO – 10
    WR Randy Moss – 1(2)
    TE Antonio Gates – 1(3)
    Flex Addai – 11
    K L. Tynes – 11(20)
    D/ST Pittsburgh – 6

  • dubble up – 118pts

    • QB – T. Brady (Pats) – 22(53)
    RB – N Davenport (Steelers) – 14
    RB – J. Addai (Colts) – 11
    WR – S. Bodiford (Packers) – 0
    WR – J. Galloway (Tampa Bay) – 0
    TE – M. Pollard (Seattle) – 0(2)
    FLEX – L. Tomlinson (Chargers) = 0(24)
    K – N. Folk (Cowboys) – 5
    D/ST – Giants – 2(9)

  • Angry Citizen – 185pts

    • QB – Brady (NE) – 22(53)
    RB – R. Grant (GB) – 2(40)
    RB – S. Alexander (SEA) – 9(13)
    WR – R. Wayne (IND) – 13
    WR – T. Owens (DAL) – 10
    TE – A. Gates (SD) – 1(3)
    FLEX – B. Jacobs (NYG) – 12(40)
    K – Scobee (Jags) – 7
    D/ST – Steelers – 6

  • Jaislayer – 158pts

    • QB- Peyton Manning (COLTS) – 39
    RB- Fred Taylor (JAGS) – 4(15)
    RB- Brandon Jacobs (GIANTS) – 12(40)
    WR- Randy Moss (PATS) – 1(2)
    WR- Hines Ward (STEELERS) – 14
    TE- Cris Cooley (REDSKINS) – 4
    FLEX- L. Tomlinson (CHARGERS) – 0(24)
    K- Josh Brown (SEAHAWKS) – 8(17)
    D/ST- DALLAS – 3

  • iFux aka Etheraldinho aka Farouq Obama aka Kasual Kashmere aka Mickey Magnum aka Phil da Advil – 148pts

    • qb Peyton Manning – 39
    rb Tomlinson – 0(24)
    wr T Owens – 10
    wr Randy Moss – 1(2)
    Te Heath Miller – 14
    Flex Brandon Jacobs – 12(40)
    K Redskins Kicker (dont know his name) – 2
    d Jaguars – 1(17)

  • BiggSipp – 137pts

    • QB – Peyton Manning (IND) – 39
    RB – Fred Taylor (JAC) – 4(15)
    RB – Marion Barber (DAL) – 19
    WR – Plaxico Buress (NYG) – 15(19)
    WR – Randy Moss (NE) – 1(2)
    TE – Chris Cooley (WAS) – 4
    FLEX – LaDanian Tomlinson (SD) – 0(24)
    K – Mason Crosby (GB) – 8(14)
    D/ ST – Tampa Bay – 1

  • N.O. 4 life – 132pts

    • qb – peyton manning (ind) – 39
    rb – maurice jones drew (jac) – 6(25)
    rb – ladanian tomlinson (sd) – 0(24)
    wr – randy moss (ne) – 1(2)
    wr – terrell owens (dal) – 10
    te – donald lee (gb) – 9(10)
    flex – shaun alexander (sea) – 9(13)
    d/st – giants – 2(9)

  • p-city – 100pts

    • QB – Peyton Manning (Ind) – 39
    RB – Ladanian Tomlinson (SD) – 0(24)
    WR – Randy Moss (NE) – 1(2)
    WR – Hines Ward (Pitt) – 13
    Flex – Clinton Portis (Was) – 8
    FLEX – Witten (Dal) – 8
    D/ST – New England – 3(6)

  • the dallas – 158pts

    • QB – Tom Brady – 22(53)
    RB – LT(omlinson) – 0(24)
    RB – Fred Taylor – 4(15)
    WR – Donald Driver – 20(21)
    WR – Plaxico Burress – 15(19)
    TE – Jason Witten – 8
    FLEX- Joseph Addai – 11
    K- Rob Bironas – 6
    D/ST- Tampa Bay – 1

    Posted in iNternets Celebrities, Sneaker Fiends United, Sports are Gay | 6 Comments »

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