Archive for the ‘C.R.E.A.M.’ Category

OPRAH GIVES THE GASFACE TO U.S. SCHOOLKIDS

Monday, January 8th, 2007

ofrah

Let’s be clear about my feelings on OPRAH WINFREY from the gate. I don’t like her. Even though her track record for philanthropy is light years in front of the majority of megarich entertainers I’m still not impressed with her.

My problem with OPRAH is that her good works like rebuilding homes for families that lost theirs due to Hurricane Starrkeysha or the scholarships that she has issued or even when she gives her audience vehicles generate maximum publicity for her brand while actually only helping very few people. When OPRAH says that Black women are contracting AIDS disproportionately because they are sleeping with clandestinely gay men she is affecting millions of people. Negatively.

So now OPRAH tells people that she has essentially given up on the attempting to effectuate better education to America’s disenfranchised. She is a bellwether for not just American philanthropy, but the general concensus American public as well. Educating Americans requires a long term committment. The investment in the poor has lately only been for building new prisons. Philanthropists don’t just want a bigger bang for their bucks and subsequently a more colorful feather in their cap, they would love to avoid the complexities of class and race that are right upfront here in America. OPRAH has become the proverbial new ghetto pass that excuses people for ‘getting the fuck outta Dodge’.

My biggest problem with OPRAH’s remarks about the rampant materialism of inner city youth is that she is the captialist cultures’ premier cheerleader. She uses her program to basically tells us what to consume even though she receives these items free of charge. We are constantly surrounded by messages that put the only value in education as the ability to buy more stuff. Learning is not endorsed as a conduit to greater integrity, ethics or morality. The mantra that is repeated ad nauseam is “go to school, get a better job, make more money”.

Lastly… How the fuck is OPRAH gonna shit on kids because of the failure of America’s education system as if it’s the perogative of the children to determine their values? If you thought COSBY was off base for blaming the parents’ of disenfranchised youth for not promoting better values in their children then what would you think of OPRAH for blaming those that can defend themselves the least. OPRAH can spend her and her wife GAYLE’s money wherever she wants, but attacking defenseless kids on their Christmas present choices is baseless and cowardly.

How much you wanna bet OPRAH invests in prison corporations?

Rest In Peace To The WIGFATHER

Thursday, December 28th, 2006

j.b.

“If you just give a man a wig, he may not know how to brush it, but if you teach a man the value of his wig, he will always take care of his wig”
-the WIGFATHER

As the internets prattles on ad nauseum about the greatness of the Wigfather we thought that we should highlight a few of the many people that the Wigfather trained in his soulful school of Wig Ownership. In this way you still have the opportunity to see the Wigfather manifest his influence in the entertainment realm. JAMES BROWN is to music what MICHAELANGELO is to painting what SHAKESPEARE is to tragedy what the Sun is to life on Earth.

So show some mother effing respect to the Wigfather!

j.b. JAMES BROWN – THE WIGFATHER
More than just a Wig Owner, the Wigfather used his wigs to buy record labels and radio stations. The Man knew that the Wigfather was the truth and he sent all kinds of ho’s and IRS flunkies after him to slow down his Night Train. The Wigfather’s example of creativity and determinism wasn’t lost on any of the musicians that he came in contact with either.

starchild

GEORGE CLINTON a/k/a STARCHILD

george GEORGE CLINTON
From humble beginnings as a doo wop singer and hair stylist from Plainview, New Jersey, the Wigfathers’ number one disciple became a major Wig Owner in his own right.
GEORGE CLINTON spearheaded the next generation of funk soldiers by creating several bands that would be recording albums all the while simultaneously touring. Parliament, Funkadelic, Parlet, The Brides of Funkenstein… The list goes on and on.

bootsy george

GEORGE CLINTON and BOOTSY COLLINS

bootsy BOOTSY COLLINS
Listen to the bassline on ‘Sex Machine’ and you are hearing a young BOOTSY COLLINS grind for JAMES BROWN and the J.B.’s. BOOTSY was an incredible talent and the Wigfather knew that with the right direction he would become a legend and extremely wig wealthy.

lenny terrence

LENNY KRAVITZ and TERRENCE TRENT D’ARBY
It would take these two cats combined to give you the full impact that the Wigfather brought to the stage, but at least these dudes have been steady maintaining the wigs that they earned.

m.j.

MICHAEL JACKSON a/k/a ‘THE KING OF POP’

m.j. MICHAEL JACKSON
If anyone realized the Wigfather’s acclaim in the popular music field it would have been the ‘King of Pop’. No single artist has sold more albums across the globe than this eccentric and brilliant Wig Owner. MICHAEL’s brilliance was in taking the Wigfather’s advice and buying the publishing catalogs of other popular musicians. In all of MICHAEL JACKSON’s publishing empire do you know that he doesn’t own one JAMES BROWN song?! M.J. had ’nuff respect for the Wigfather.

rick james

RICK JAMES, BITCH!

rick james bitch RICK JAMES
RICK JAMES didn’t just inherit the Wigfather’s funky grooves, but he also liked to put his foot on a broad when she slipped out of pocket. Unfortunately for us RICK JAMES returned to the essence before the Wigfather but you can enjoy some of RICK JAMES best work in the countless Hip-Hop samples of ‘Mary Jane’.

prince

PRINCE
No one replicated the Wigfather’s energy and creative spirit more than PRINCE. From the dance moves to the caterwauling screams PRINCE is everything that the Wigfather intended him to be. A sex machine with ants in his pants.

If you ever have a chance to see ‘Purple Rain’ in Brooklyn or Manhattan please do so. I will be somewhere in the theatre singing all the songs in my unfortunately un-PRINCE like voice.

MERRY CHRISTMAS From SPRINT POWERVISION…

Sunday, December 24th, 2006

lgfusic

For the last year Sprint has been the exclusive telecommunications provider to the staff at DALLASPENN Dot Com. We used several different models of the Power Vision supported Samsung equipment as well as the new LG “FUSIC” device. We thank Sprint for their continued sponsorship of the website and we hope the new year finds us in a better place with our overall tech portfolio.

If any of you readers have a Best Buy hook up holler black at your boy.

samsung SAMSUNG A920
The Samsung A 900 series holds MP3 files and photographs on a micro memory card. Since I already have an iPod I didn’t use the phone to listen to music. Actually, for the six month promotional period the phone helped me maintain the website. It had a fully functional web browser that supported HTML code so I could make revisions to posts and join comment threads when I wasn’t ever near a PC. The cellphone was wildly reliable too.

BLACKBERRY 7500’s
I want a Blackberry just so I can look important. What the hell did we do as a civilization before the advent of these devices. When people say, “keep in touch”, it has less and less to do with human contact anymore. The Wall Street Journal has a funny story about parents who would rather relate to their Blackberry phones than their kids. I want that for my life too.
blackberry

ps2 PLAYSTATION 2
As far as gaming systems are concerned, the PS 2 is a relic, but I am cool with that anyhoo. I just want to play Grand Theft Auto for hours on end until my fat arse welds itself to my leather couch. After several years in the same position I will become one with my couch. The emergency service workers will have to put me and my couch into the ambulance together. In the operating room they would confuse my stomach with the buttery soft couch leather and I would lose so much blood that I end up dying in the hospital. But right before I die I whisper, “Rosebud”.

MEMORY CARD + FLASH DRIVE
If you humps really loved me then you would get me one of these bad boys. These flash drive memory card collabos help me keep the website mobile. 1 Gigabyte drive holds music files and tons of wacky photos. The 512MB memory card goes into my still camera that I use to take candid pictures of homeless people and my sneakers. I’ll be selling sponsorship opportunities to the website early this year. How about having a category at DP Dot Com being named after you? Poppa needs a new pair of shoes.
flash drive

the wire RADIO FREQUENCY I.D. IMPLANTS
The image shows an RFID transmitter and the tiny scar on your hand where the transponder is implanted. When I was a little kid I remember the crazy Seventh Day Adventists referring to the ‘Mark Of The Beast’ and how we would all have to accept it in order to trade and barter in the new world order. It makes all the sense to me now since I see that we are moving closer to a single global monetary system and the reactionary political forces are limiting the free movement of people and information. Merry Christmas bitches.

MERRY CHRISTMAS From PAUL WALL’s Cup Of Red KOOL-AID…

Saturday, December 23rd, 2006

paul wall

How many of you got caught drinking the Kool-Aid this year? Don’t front either because I read some of the blogs out here on the internets and some of you are drinking the Kool-Aid with extra, extra sugar from your next door neighbor.

Maybe it wasn’t a blog that gave you some red Kool-Aid, maybe it was Oprah, or maybe MTV, but nonetheless I see you over there with your Kool-Aid smile and that red stained moustache. I decided not to drink the red Kool-Aid with you clowns this year, but that’s because I keep it realer than most on the regulack anyhoo. Instead I just sat in the cut and watched it all go down.

So what was the red Kool-Aid for 2006 you ask? I think you already know the answer…

barack CONGRESSMAN BARACK OBAMA
Give me a fuckin’ break that this dude is presidential?!? BARACK! I never even heard of ‘ya! OPRAH co-signs bullshit on the daily and that is why she has the amount of paper and prestige that she has. I believe that BARACK OBAMA is funded primarily by the trillion dollar pharmaceutical industry. OPRAH’s show steady has pill commercials and BARACK’s trip to Africa to take an AIDS test smelled like shit on a sandwich. Don’t come at me with that ‘crabs in a barrel’ argument because I would love to see a Black politician with integrity to be elected to public office. Find one for me that isn’t a corpse.

CONFLICT FREE DIAMONDS
If you ever see HUSTLE SIMMONS selling something just understand that some Black is being exploited somewhere because of it. Now that America’s jig cheerleader for uber-capitalism has visited the motherland and checked everything out its okay for us to keep buying diamonds again. RUSSELL lost his conscience a long time ago, the person we are looking at is prah’lee an android working for DeBEERS.
diamonds

jones JIM JONES
When you have a monster single like JIM JONES had the truth is that there is only one place to go afterwards. JIM JONES stock has been running parallel with the team that adopted his song as their soundtrack. The New York Giants look confused as if they don’t even know why they are on the field. I feel the same way about JONES too. Does he want to be an Ed Hardy model or a rap star? If he calls himself a ‘hustler’ then you better watch out Dip Set fans.

LIL’ WAYNE
I can’t believe how stupid I feel after reading the transcription of dude’s lyrics for the ‘Stuntin Like My Daddy‘ song. Are you fucking kidding me?!? That shit describes the braggadocio of a retard. Jay-Z may be an idiot savant when it comes to rhyming, but at least he’s not a fucking blank. LIL’ WEASLE = Best Rapper Alive = Hip-Hip is truly dead.
lil weazle

the wire THE WIRE
The only people I know that enjoy this bullshit television program are the same people that are killing the Black community from the inside. The same people afraid to stop KKKramer’s money by boycotting Seinfeld, because it would stop Seinfeld’s money too. These negro apologists would like to imagine that there is some humanity contained on the block, but they never stood on the block themselves. These fools never looked the devil in his eyes either. The Black man was delivered to America by Black men. ‘The Wire’ is a continuation of supremacy masked as serialized entertainment.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING WITH BILLY SUNDAY… NOT!

Thursday, December 21st, 2006

kkkristmas

You know I Don’t eff with the YouTube anymore, but my family over at FLAWLE$$ HU$TLE put this up for the holiday shopping season.

I suggest that you stay home this weekend and avoid shopping and shoplifting. Both are forms of consumption that we can’t afford. Even if you pay for your gifts with cash trust me we can’t afford the price.

The murderers of SEAN BELL and the terrorists that have descended on his former south Queens neighborhood will buy their Christmas gifts with their ill gotten gains. Don’t support their actions with your money as well.