Archive for the ‘C.R.E.A.M.’ Category

The DP Dot Com Football Pool (Wk 4)

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

the Dome

or, Are You Ready For Some POVERTY?!?!

I am piggybacking on a theme from my boy VIK regarding the Monday Night Football game at the Louisiana SuperDome. How fucked up am I that I watched the game despite my abject disgust about how the capital construction dollars slated to rebuild New Orleans have been abused and misused. I should have turned that game off before the kickoff. Instead I watched it until the end. It turns out that I wasn’t the only one caught up in the homecoming hoopla propaganda. That’s why I have decided to give at least $200 dollars to a charity based in New Orleans at the end of the football season. This will match the monies I expect to spend on buying the winner of the pool a pair of custom made DP dot com Air Max, and it will help to slightly absolve my guilty conscience that enjoys watching football from my home while the city that the game was played in is plagued with rampant homelessness. Uhhh, err, now that everyone is feeling good, let’s look at this week’s pool games…

DALLAS COWBOYS @ TENNESSEE TITANS
Suicide, it’s a suicide. Wah-dah-dah-day-wah-dah-dah-dah-dah-day. The COWBOYS run this Hip-Hop shit even with TERRELL OWENS corpse.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ NEW YORK JETS
The JETS coach was part of a Patriots regime that knew how to get into that little bad place inside PEYTON MANNING’s mind. Despite that fact, and the rousing victory in Buffalo, the JETS will return to the Earth this weekend.

MIAMI DOLPHINS @ HOUSTON TEXANS
What appears to be two teams moving in seperate directions is actually two teams on different roads to Sucksville. The DOLPHINS are taking the Greyhound bus, while the TEXANS are going by Amtrak. At the end of the season they’ll both be there together, but the TEXANS got there first.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS

I am patiently waiting for the wheels to fall off this Baltimore bandwagon and this should be the week that I finally get my wish. No offense to my good friend, B’More’s own AMADEO, but that is the problem that I have with Baltimore, no offense. Wasn’t Coach BILLICK an offensive coordinator? I hope LaDANIAN TOMLINSON runs a new azzhole into RAY LEWIS (no KORDELL STEWART)

SAN FRANCISCO 49ers @ KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

Regrettably continuing the above theme, there are only two things that come from Kansas City – steers and queers. And the only thing coming from ‘Frisco are flaming queers so it looks like the 49ers will be the victors for the 2006 Brokeback Bowl.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS

I’d like to think that LM’s hometown club could pull off the upset here, but I know better. JAGS bite ‘SKINS.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS @ CINCINNATI BENGALS

For all of those years that Cincinnati was considered one of the crappiest towns in Ohio I see these BENGALS fighting hard to restore the dignity to TIM KRUMRIE. The Patriots TOM BRADY can only wish he had the receiving corps that CARSON PALMER plays with.

You know how we do bitches, so drop it like its’ hot.

The Devil Made Him Do It…

Sunday, September 24th, 2006

rangel devil

Before I get up in Harlem’s House of Reps CHARLES RANGEL’s azz (no LEVAR BURTON) I just wanted to submit further proof to you that ’80s babies don’t know shit.

jesse

As I was walking through midtown Manhattan to meet up with my ladyfriend for dinner I saw the Honorable Doctor Reverend JESSE JACKSON with a small entourage going into their hotel. I admit to be slightly joyous to see the Reverend and I yelled to him, “Run JESSE, Run!” A huge cheesesmile wrapped around my face when the Reverend turned around and raised his hand. The police officer that was nearest to me told me that she didn’t find my remarks amusing in the least. I asked her how old she was. She replied that it was none of my business and that my statement was in effect a problem. I then told her that I asked her age because what I shouted out was JESSE JACKSON’s campaign slogan in the 1984 presidential primaries. The cop then admitted that she would have only been two years old at the time. Like many people have already said on the site… ’80s babies don’t know shit.

The new buzz about HUGO CHAVEZ is how the mainstream media has taken umbrage to his rant. Inside of the United States, talking truth to power has to be couched inside of a comedy routine or a cartoon. Otherwise people become very uncomfortable. Like I told you people before, supremacy is the inconvenient truth. At some point in the story of humnakind this fact will have to make itself blatant again, but for the time being we aren’t supoosed to speak on the white elephant sitting in our living rooms. With all the BILL O’REILLY slash RUSH LIMBAUGHs that got their faces pushed out of place by CHAVEZ remarks the MSM chose to highlight the rebuke of CHAVEZ from a local New York politrickster.

rangel devil

Talk about a schwartze in a fancy schmatte, CHARLES RANGEL never met a buffet table that he didn’t like and when the White House told him to get his fat ass on the newsreels he hopped right to it. Vintage house nigger status.

“You don’t come into my country, you don’t come into my congressional district, and you don’t condemn my president. If there’s any crticism of President Bush, it should be restricted to Americans – whether we voted for him or not.”

rangel

CHARLES RANGEL needs a ‘HO SIT DOWN!’ for opening his fat mouth. In the over thirty years that RANGEL has been reppin’ Harlem in the U.S. House of Representatives what do the niggers in his Harlem congressional district have to show for his work. The lowest test scores in the state for reading and math. The lowest family net wealth per capita. The only thing that keeps Harlem from being as poor and drug dependent as the South Bronx are all the dogwalkers that were able to buy brownstones when the crack epidemic 1980’s reduced Harlem’s property values to scratch. CHARLES RANGEL was bought and sold even before that so his stake in Harlem is totally superficial.

I blame you uptown niggers for letting this man get fat on your creative and moral equity. It’s time for more of you niggers to switch party affiliations and vote that cracker RANGEL into retirement. Peep the quote attributed to RANGEL in the attached image. Yeah, I agree that the myth of supremacy must be shattered, because it’s NOT a myth. It is real and it goes down on the regulack. The single greatest trick of the devil was convincing people that he didn’t exist. The second greatest trick of the devil was in making people think he was dumb.

rangel bush

NAS’ BABY MAMA… WHO THE FUCK CARES?!?!

Monday, September 18th, 2006

golddigger

BILLY SUNDAY has put me into a ranty mood as of late and I apologize to all of you folks that come here for a little more than just the ghetto news stories. I had to open up on this story about the book that NAS’ baby mama is finally releasing. She details the dick size of JAY-Z and other celebrities in a way that will make the Superhead book seem like a children’s story.

The name of this chick book is so ridiculously long that I already know it is going to read like some garbage. If you don’t have an editor smart enough to help you pare down your book’s title that shit is destined to be on the fold up tables on 125th Street (not that there aren’t good books on the tables). She should have just named the book ‘Ho Story’. See how succinct and to the point my title is. It tells the reader exactly what they are diving into and who’s perspective this story is coming from.

I’m not judging NAS’ baby mama for being a ho. That’s a lifestyle choice that adults are allowed to make. I am criticizing NAS’ baby mama for releasing this book damn near five years after it even matters. She claims that she is the reason for the JAY-Z/NAS fued that inspired classic songs from both of those artists. That is when this book was relevant. Now that JAY and NAS are busy hugging each other it makes the book seem contrived. I am sure that she will still have an audience for her book, but her opportunity to cash in on one of rap music’s classic rivalries has long passed on. I just hope she saved her cum stained baby carseat for posterity.

JAY-Z Screws The Working Man (No GREG LOUGANIS)

Saturday, September 16th, 2006

brown penis

I might have been the only person that wasn’t overjoyed with the news that JAY-Z was recording another album despite his claims of retirement. Black people have been running through the streets hugging and greeting each other as if O.J. were being acquitted a second time. Albeit, this will prah’lee be the best rap album released in 2006, topping the highly anticipated offerings from NAS and RAEKWON. With a look at the level of production lined up for this disk I can’t see how it will lose… KANGHEY, Dr.DRE and the 2006 recipient for the Bagger Vance award, TIMBERLAND (Bagger Vance awards are given to beneficent Black folk who help white get their shit right – MORGAN FREEMAN usually wins this annually).

If I were still 16 years old I would be excited about this news, but because I am a grown azz man I see a much bigger picture than just a forty year old man holding a microphone. I see a man who had worked at a profession and retired only to be forced to unretire by the people that were paying out his 401k. Universal needs a JAY-Z album just to stay in the black for this fiscal year. They don’t believe that NAS will turn in an inspired disk and they aren’t ballsy enough to bank on their stable of vets like JOE BUDDENS or the great REDMAN. So the T.I.’s at Island Records go to their ace in the hole. JAY-Z has a lust for the fame already and he has been writing rhymes to FOXY BROWN’s music ever since we all found out that she was only making deaf jams. He’s been itching to make a comeback and Universal/Island Records is desperate to sell some CD’s. Everything is not right with the world though…

JAY-Z’s unretirement is destroying the quality of life for the working class American. The precedent he is establishing is one that will be carried over into the real world as companies now bring their retirees back to the workplace in order for them to maintain their health coverage. Forget your dreams of retirement in sunny Ocala because your azz will have to stay at the mill until you die. You might as well terminate that deferred compensation plan and spend the money now on Cristal Dom Perignon and car wheels. Hip-Hop has just shattered your dreams of wearing flip flops.

ROC-A-FELLA y’all

VH-1: Not All Crap

Thursday, September 14th, 2006

hhh logo

Just when I am ready to throw Viacom Corp. under the bus, they produce a program that is the highlight for my entire year…

Approaching it’s third annual broadcast, the VH-1 Hip-Hop Honors might be the greatest Hip-Hip program ever produced. The formula of featuring new emerging talent along with honored performers has made it the one show that hasn’t reduced rap music to minstrelsy and cornball posturing. I admit that the hosting can get better, but who can argue with the talent that has been on display since their first broadcast? If you just arrived in America from say, Nebraska, and you wanted to know what Hip-Hop music was about then the Hip-Hop Honors program is your 101 class.

Past honorees have included Public Enemy, KRS-1, Grandmaster Flash, LL Cool J, Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Kool Herc, Salt-n-Pepa, RUN D.M.C., and Ice motherfuckin’ Tee. This years’ show looks like it’s going to be the best one yet with LIL’KIM honoring MC LYTE. ICE CUBE, WU-TANG, RAKIM, EAZY-E, the BEASTIE BOYS and the great AFRIKA BAMBAATA are all being honored and/or performing as well as DIDDY, LIL’ JON, FAT JOE, REMY MA, YOUNG JEEZY, XZIBIT, COMMON and Q-TIP. I smell a DILLA tribute inside of this program that you don’t want to miss. Even my funky uncle, GEORGE CLINTON is scheduled to perform.

Forget a BET Awards or a VMA, what you really want to watch is VH-1’s Hip-Hop Honors premiering Tuesday, October 17. And starting on Friday, September 15, VSPOT, VH-1’s broadband channel will launch a dedicated Hip Hop channel with extensive on-demand music playlists from this year’s “VH-1 Hip-Hop Honors” honorees. The channel will be programmed with additional content throughout September and October and will include honoree profiles and exclusive programming and performances from the on-air broadcast of the show.