Archive for the ‘C.R.E.A.M.’ Category

GOOD MORNING LEBANON!

Sunday, July 16th, 2006

lebnon

Much respect goes to ROBIN WILLIAMS for what he does for our collective sanity.

It might be hot outside, but trust me, shit is way hotter in Tel Aviv right now. It looks like all the sand nigger that talk that jihad shit is on the rag at the same time. The Palestinians in Gaza are always up to no good, and now the people in Beirut want to get gully?!? Well, there aren’t enough trees in Hebron to make all the caskets that Israel is going to rain down on these fools.

You ain’t really a baller, Hezbollah. You need more people. Sure the global community will reprimand Israel for setting your azzes on fire, meanwhile you just lost half a generation. Killing the menfolk is easy enough, but Israel is like Homie the Clown and they don’t play that shit. Expect to have rows of dead bodies of women and children.

I blame Damascus for all of this current nonsense. They weren’t happy leaving well enough alone so they had to go and give arms to Hezbollah. So don’t be surprised either when Israel steps to Syria. Knowing Israel, and the fact that they are slicker than all the oil in Kuwait, they will creep on BASHAR al-ASSAD and put a fly in his soup. ASSAD better hope that his son isn’t in the building at the time.

I suppose this was inevitable in the long run. The military industrial complex stays on their grizzly building bombs and tanks and planes and whatever. It doesn’t make sense to have all this shit just sit in a factory in Nebraska and dry rot. The good thing about expending all of our reserves of depleted phosphorous and enriched uranium is that in a dozen or so years we can start a non-profit organization that specializes in bringing drinking water to all the radiation poisoned children in Tripoli.

You Too Can Be President (of Def Jam)

Tuesday, July 11th, 2006

jarule

What are you doing reading this blog? You are wasting your time coming to this website. You could be doing far more productive things like reading KEVIN LILLES’ book. The stories and anecdotes delivered in ‘Make It Happen’ guided JAY-Z to the presidential suite at Def Jam Records. It taught IRV GOTTI how to launder money and stay out of prison. Even JA RULE learned to stop shoving hamsters up his arse.

There is nothing good going on over here unless you are a hater.

STACEY DASH, My 2007 Baby Mama

Sunday, July 9th, 2006

stacey dash

I am mad that STACEY DASH is so fucking gorgeous in the photo shoot she did for the upcoming Playboy magazine. I admit that I slept on Ms.DASH as B.M. status. Yeah, I wanted to beat her little seat, but I didn’t want to bust up in it. After I saw these photos I realized that I need to get one of her eggs. I know cloning is immoral and the whole nine, but what if you could go to the supermarket and get a carton of STACY DASH eggs? I would put those in a cup and drink them.

[Editor’s note: if you can’t open the above link you will need to get a password from BLU CHEEZ]

I feel a little fucked up about going to the newsstand and buying this magazine since I too want Black women to be portrayed by the media in the proper light. Speaking of light(ing), the scenes that Playboy is using are wonderfully lit and they really show Ms.DASH’s marvelous 40year old physique. Fuck what your heard, STACEY has made 40 the new 20 and I want to pummel fire out of her cocoa tanned backside. I want to beat her little pum pum up like she said something bad about my momma’s cooking. I want to see if I can leave my handprint on her firm, oil-sheened azz.

Getting back to the whole media image thing… I think it’s a powerful feminist statement that STACEY DASH is making by posing in Playboy. She is taking control of her image by not letting it be exploited by lesser publications like Maxim, Blender or Black Tail. Playboy is not pimping STACEY DASH, she is pimping Playboy.

Who am I kidding? The STACEY DASH Playboy mag is a collector’s item along with the VANESSA WILLIAMS Penthouse and the JAYNE KENNEDY Playboy.

STACEY DASH is the ultimate hustler.

ESSENCE Magazine Doesn’t Really Care About Black Women

Sunday, July 9th, 2006

misty

I know how some of you good folks think that ESSENCE Magazine is the paradigm for progressive thinking on behalf of colored women, but I am here to tell you that is far from the truth.

A year ago I sat in the corporate offices of ESSENCE and listened to several editors AND the mag’s president tell me that none of their readers were familiar with the Black Codes, therefore the advertisement for the new Armani fragrance wasn’t offensive. I asked these women if they knew what the Black Codes were, and if they did how could they ever let this ad run opposite the editor-in-chief’s splash page? In the end of our meeting the ladies at ESSENCE agreed to disagree with me, but I had dissected their June issue like so much the frog in high school biology. What used to be one of the magazines best issues featuring tributes to fathers and summertime grooming tips had become a rag of shenanigans.

ESSENCE hates your Blackness and they teach you to hate it too. Notice how many ads are placed for products that help you remove the markers of you disease. I am so tired of Black women with blonde hair, but ESSENCE isn’t. They also will teach you how to shop away the disease of Blackness. ESSENCE and their publishers love your money and they will try to separate you from it on almost every page.

At the ESENCE Music Festival in Houston last week, the beautiful and courageous JILL SCOTT told a symposium that the time had come to discontinue consuming pop culture entertainment that was degrading to the Black community.

“It is dirty, inappropriate, inadequate, unhealthy and polluted,” SCOTT said. “We can demand more.”

It’s a good thing that she didn’t name names, because ESSENCE mag could have been at the top of her list.

FITTIDDY CENT: Ghetto Humanitarian

Saturday, July 8th, 2006

fitty awwwww

Just when I wanted to throw FIFTY CENT under the bus he ups and demonstrates that he has his eyes on more than just another gold chain. If rap music were a game of chess then FIFTY CENT would be like a young BOBBY FISCHER to JAY-Z’s older and more conservative Russian, PETROSIAN. In brokering a deal with Apple Computers head honcho STEVE JOBS, FITTY managed to prove me wrong on two fronts.

The first is that he is a vacuous and shallow celebrity. FITTY CENT has made several transactions that show his perspective extends beyond the confines of rap music, but inside those deals he has maintained the framework of his Hip-Hop character persona. It wasn’t CURTIS JACKSON that negotiated the deal with Glaceau’s VitaminWater, it was FIFTY CENT. Just like it was FIFTY CENT who reached out to Apple Computers to see how the synergy of their brands could make headway into bringing computing into neighborhoods that don’t normally receive those experiences. For this alone I may have to give FITTY a pass until his next shitty movie drops.

The second reason that this deal shuts my mouth is that I didn’t imagine that Apple Computers would be progressive enough to associate themselves with the perceived raw Blackness that 50 CENT’s music transmutes. STEVE JOBS looks like he’d be a lot more comfortable around BEN HARPER or DARIUS RUCKER, maybe even a LENNY KRAVITZ, but certainly not FIFTY CENT.

Damn, that nigga JOBS must have hell’a iTunes he needs to sell to the suburbs.