Archive for the ‘C.R.E.A.M.’ Category

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NICOLE RITCHIE = Gangsta Bitch

Thursday, February 16th, 2006

mugshot nicki

America! Don’t be fooled by this tragic mulatto debutante and her cotillion curls. NICOLE RICHIE is a cold-blooded killer.

I think I may have solved the murder of ISRAEL RAMIREZ. Bear with me for a sec internets fam…

CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE loves to watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent, but that show pisses me off because they are always solving crimes in under an hour. It’s been how many years since TUPAC and B.I.G. were killed and nobody has even been indicted. Those fucks from Law & Order would have solved this shit by now along with the JONBENET case.

dead

So while she watched the tube I fucked(no brokeback) around on the internets. I wanted to see what the jigs were up to so I started with the CRUNK & Disorderly website. C & D is cute and it’s easy to navigate because there aren’t too many bells and whistles. Not like her sister friend’s site BEAUTIFUL HUSTLE, which is visually stunning, but busy as all get out. So anyhoo, I linked from C & D to another website showcasing the jig madness, called CONCRETE LOOP. The post that comes up is the one detailing BUSTA RHYMES post-op haircut interview at an L.A. radio station.

bussabus

In the interview BUSTA had some slick sideways shit to say about PIDDY, which lead the Hip-Hop cops to shadow SEAN just in case they could put another gun charge on the kid. But I found BUSTA’s remark about “LIONEL RICHIE’s daughter” to be the real clue. Why couldn’t BUSTA come out and say her name? Was it LIONEL RICHIE who orchestrated the hook-up? Here was the real mystery…

Dun-dun


Editor’s note: Whenever you see the above phrase; dun-dun, it is your cue to imagine the endscene sound effect from Law & Order

So why would LIONEL RICHIE set up his daughter with BUSTA? Keep in mind that NICOLE is adopted so LIONEL RICHIE could technically enjoy that young poon himself, a la WOODROW.

wood yi

I think your boy LIONEL RICHIE is a capo, and he is connected to the Care Free Curls Mafia.

capo status

LIONEL RICHIE had been trying to recruit BUSTA prior to him cutting his locks. NICOLE RICHIE was like an offering to BUSTA because his hair had grown so long. If LIONEL RICHIE could convince BUSTA to join him in the CFCM can you imagine what a boon to the hair care industry that might have been, let alone the SoftSheen-Carson bottom line? But then BUSTA double-crossed them and cut off his hair. LIONEL RICHIE did the only thing that you can do when someone backs out on their word. He sent in his goons.

Dun-dun


Well actually, he sent his wild whoreish daughter who wasn’t much of a good shot to begin with. She disguised herself as a homeless derelict, which everyone assumed to be TONY YAYO since he is like 50yrs. old and has been seen digging through garbage cans.

yayo

She tried to gain access onto the video production set. This was a good idea since there were reportedly five entertainers and almost 500 umbrella holders on the set. Everybody knows that crapper entourages love hitting up the free sody pop at the craft services tent. When security denied NICOLE RICHIE, disguised as a homeless person, possibly TONY YAYO, entry onto the set she flipped out and started blasting.

Dun-dun

richie and rocket man

I don’t blame BUSTA for being shook neither. The thing about the CFCM is that they are in the highest positions in the entertainment world. When MICHAEL JACKSON tried to get out of the CFCM by relaxing his hair you see how quickly they brought him down. Word on the street is that the Care Free Curls Mafia already has their sights set on another rapper.

dusty jim

This episode also gave me a clearer perspective on how the big homie LIONEL RICHIE stacks all that paper.

Activator residuals biatch!

love my curl

Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Crappers, Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review, Lust = Love | 9 Comments »

DAVE CHAPPELLE: I’m Still Rich Bitches!

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006

dave and 'pac

And he’s going to DisneyWorld. Photo credits to NahRizzie, nah’mean?!?

Catch the repeat of DAVE on ‘Inside the Actor’s Studio‘ this Thursday 2/16 at 8pm on Bravo (no brokeback, just in case).

“Juice?!?!? What the FUCK is juice nigga?!? I want some grape drink baby.”

Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review | 4 Comments »

Throw Crap Music Under the BUS

Saturday, February 11th, 2006

boycott

I wanted to put a few things into the atmosphere while they were fresh on my mind.

Rap music does not equal the sale of narcotics:
Although entertainment in general is a narcotic, the trade of cocaine, heroin, amphetamines, etc. has been far more disastrous to the fabric of the global family than rap music can ever be. There are so many orphaned and diseased children being raised by their grandmothers or worse because of drugs.

The psychological effect of narotics on the user is debilitation and depression caused by drug use dependency. Listening to CAM’RON may make you depressed but you will more than likely still be able to hold down your day job.

The physiological effects of narcotic usage speak for themselves. You would not want to be in the same room as a hard core heroin user. The smell would make you vomit. There has never been a rap record made that has made me not want to bathe for a month.

Rap music is not a game:
Rap music is a business which generates billions of dollars through the consumerism of various products not related to music. Rap stars sell sody pop, clothing, luxury cars and alcoholic beverages. All these items are non-investment grade and depreciate instantaneously the moment that the consumer takes possession.

I have yet to hear a rap star describe his investment portfolio other than his jewelry. I have yet to watch a commerial where a rap star will even promote the equipment that he uses to ply his trade. The last song that did this was D-NICE’s ‘The TR 808 Is Coming’ which was recorded nearly twenty years ago. The title refers to the Roland TR 808 device which helps producers create the various beats and rhythms that have been the backbone of Hip-Hop music since its beginnings.

If rap music were a game then there would be a clearly defined playing field. There would be limits and rules that govern the players’ behaviors. There would be penalties levied to players who did not adhere to these rules. And most af all, games have a finite timespan where players eventually run out of time.

Rap music is not the truth:
Despite all the credit that KANYE WEST received for his partially correct statement that, “GEORGE BUSH doesn’t care about Black people”, there has been no other truth in rap music. Rappers fabricate everything relating to their stage persona. At the time of this post all the following rappers have claimed to have been successful narcotics dealers prior to their entertainment careers, but none of them have been prosecuted federally or otherwise for what is regarded as a capital offense…

JAY-Z
NAS
T.I.
CAM’RON
JIM JONES
JUELZ SANTANA
PRODIGY
HAVOC
MASE
YOUNG JEEZY
CASH MONEY BABY
LIL’ WAYNE
JUVENILE

At some point you are going to have to decide what you want for your reality because you may not be content with the fantasy that has become mainstream rap music.

Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Jig Lit Review, Social Upheaval | 8 Comments »

CHARGE IT TO THE GAME…

Thursday, February 9th, 2006

dp.com is for the kids

NahRight.com is hands down one of the internets best rap music sites. If you love arguing with people over the internets about GAY-Z, SHAM’ROCK, PIDDY, FIDDY and layme GAYME you will have a ball with all the assorted characters that frequent the site. They are all individually passionate about Hip-Hop even if the people they love are ultimately dispassionate about their fans.

I used to go there to start trouble but once the kids realized that I was closer in age to 40 than to 30 they stopped paying me any mind. Anyhoo, I can always come here to voice my opinions and be heard by no one. Well not exactly no one, TONY makes sure that he gives me feedback at least once a day so I write this shiite for him(no HEATH LEDGER to that last sentence).

A couple of weeks ago, crappy Philly crapper CASSIDY n/k/a KILLA CAZ was sentenced to 24 weeks of prison for involuntary manslaughter. The jury considered the shooting death of 22year old DESMOND HAWKINS involuntary because CASSIDY had already warned everybody in his song ‘I’ma Hustler’ that, “try to take my cake you gone take a slug”. The jury’s decision was ultimately to charge DESMOND’s death to ‘the game’.

killa caz

Now just this past weekend another person was killed for the sake of producing more ‘real talk’ rap music. ISREAL RAMIREZ was hired to protect BUSTA RHYMES jewelry during a music video shoot in Brooklyn. Fantasy became reality and there ended up being an actual ‘shoot’. RAMIREZ appears to have been the only one injured, but there was a grip of production money wasted in the downtime and postponement of the video. I am sure that Interscope will be charging those fees to BUSTA’s account.

woo hah!

Instead of respecting the crap music code of silence and anonymous innuendo the NYC police are trying to question witnesses. Why can’t the police wait for the single to be released like the rest of us? I don’t blame BUSTA RHYMES either, but this delicate economy has forced even him to consider a makeover in order to remain commercially viable.

Who would have thought that good ol’ fun loving BUSTA RHYMES would embrace the dark side and become a ‘studio gangsta‘? Not to say that BUSTA was ever a punk azz dude, which he was not, he was never someone that was a follower either. As a matter of fact, he was at one time a leader. This I believe is what crap music suffers from now, a lack of real leadership. Label execs fall over one another to recreate last month’s popular record. The format is filled with automatic machine guns, cocaine and strippers repeated ad naseum. People like DESMOND HAWKINS, ISRAEL RAMIREZ and TUPAC SHAKUR are simply the collateral damage in the corporate formula. I think that TUPAC realized this minutes before he died.

tupac knew

“It’s unfortunate that the vehicle that so many can use to make a living is being driven by those that only wish to make a killing.”
-Chuck Dee

Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Crappers, Ghetto Celebs | 6 Comments »

MAKE MY DAYBED!

Thursday, February 9th, 2006

eat wood

California prison inmates are kicking each other’s azzes like they were filming a reality show in the jail. The prison officials were still investigating the cause of the latest disturbance when they decided to lock down all of the county’s jails. I know what these fools problem is… too much free time on their hands.

California jails need to get with the progressive prison program that Iowa detention facilities have adopted. By using their prisons as ‘for profit’ furniture manufacturing enterprises Iowa gets the most out of their ‘state property’. The Iowa inmates create all types of furniture products that increase our quality of life. From parks and recreation furnishings, to library lounge furniture and even furnishings for jails and other detention facilities. This makes incredible fiscal sense when you consider that inmates would take better care in terms of quality and assurance. At least so that they don’t have to be the bitch for someone when their day bed breaks down.

bunk beds

The best idea that Iowa Prison Industries had was to fabricate public school furniture. I like the link that is made by connecting prison inmates with public school children. Just think about how many sex offenders are making the chairs and the seats that those young students will spend countless afternoons sitting on? I can just imagine one of those pervy Iowa inmates taking the time to shape that seat as if it were his own lap.

love chair

Jig and Mexican public school students would do well to study the construction of their school furniture so that when they eventually enter the prison system they will be familiar with the type of craftsmanship they will be expected to turn out.

Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Social Upheaval | 5 Comments »

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