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DP Dot Com Does Care About The White…

Thursday, December 14th, 2006

I was a little dismayed when someone called me up and accused me of starting a ‘race war’ on the internets. Okay, so dude was joking, but he wasn’t. All my white internets friends haven’t been speaking to me since I dropped a post from internets legend, COMBAT JACK, airing out the Village Voice music critic TOM BREIHAN. The truth is that COMBAT JACK and I are fans of this dude’s blog. There is a space and place for it in your daily reads when the dude isn’t treating Hip-Hop music as if it’s an urban jungle safari that isn’t worth the time to navigate, because it’s so hard out here on a writer.

Knowing that this writer has a wit and verbosity that he reserves only for particular reviews made us question how he chooses to approach certain material. If someone isn’t going to fully engage themselves in the criticism of other peoples’ artwork then what purpose do you serve as a critic. Dealing with art and maintaining an arm’s length distance is either being aloof or being scared. COMBAT JACK called me up and let me know how he felt…

COMBAT JACK said
“Yo fam, you read that dude from the voice saying that Pitbull is better than Nas?”

DALLAS PENN replied
“BREIHAN?!? Lies!!!”

COMBAT JACK said
“Word to mizz fam”

DALLAS PENN replied
“It must be sweeps week over at the Voice.”

COMBAT JACK exclaimed
“That neggar don’t talk sideways like that about SuperChunk!”

DALLAS replied
“Yeah, but you know how they do.”

CJ ended
“Yeah, privileged…”

Now everyone’s panties got all up in a bunch because they say that the word privilege is code for white. No. The word privileged is code for privileged. And what that means is that someone has been granted the means to exist in a reality not based on merit or acheivement, but rooted in the time honored tradition of having a connection in the corner office. People were upset that COMBAT JACK brought this to the light. Isn’t it obvious when you have a writer who flagrantly disregards a genre’s foundations that it’s probable the writer doesn’t have the assignment because of their acumen on the topic? COMBAT JACK smelled pussy, and he called it. So now the word was spread through the land that people were being attacked because of how they looked. The truth is that was NEVER the argument at hand. The argument was that with privilege unearned should come a measure of respect for what was and what shall be. In any case, the people with pussies on their foreheads rang the alarm and declared racism against people with pussies on their foreheads…

PUSSYFACE #42 said
“I tell you that this COMBAT JACK did call me a pussyface. He said that pussyface people were ruining the planet. He said other racist things as well. He said that I couldn’t use the word ‘afro’ even when describing someone’s hair. He also mentioned ELVIS PRESLEY at some point. RACISM!”

This only further misconstrued the argument as a high speed broadband game of instant message rumors became an out of control animal, there was the story within a story within a conoundrum, threatening to fracture the already loose coalition of pussyfaces, keyboard thugs, Onanists, and shock writers patroling the internets. In what was certainly an incredible event, one of the internets infamous bloggers sent an e-mail to himself…

BILLY SUNDAY said
“I don’t know COMBAT JACK, but I know DALLAS PENN and I can tell you that he is not a racist. However, he is a bigot with bad credit. Under his breath I have heard him say things that are unmentionable in this forum of polite ladies and gentelmen. Especially when referring to… Pussyfaces”

And to further fan the flames of web discontent even more, XXL’s very own superstar blogger, BYRON ‘BOL’ CRAWFORD had this to say…

BOL said
“DALLAS PENN himself was offered a position here at XXL commensurate with his value to Hip-Hop. I saw the contract with my own eyes. The offer was rescinded when we found out that he was a racist, with bad credit.”

There was almost nowhere for me to turn now that my name had been further sullied and my reputation laid bare and naked much like Mexican call girl I banged in an apartment on Roosevelt Avenue in Corona. I think english may have been her third language. Like the media assassin he is, COMBAT JACK has moved on to other targets and the rest of the blogosphere which had been so thoroughly up in arms had now returned to it’s normal constellation and swapping nude photoshops of PARIS HILTON’s cooch.

Just another weekend on the internets where the public criticism of a virtual hero becomes a racial quandary and witchhunt for a blogger just seeking the truth.

Posted in Black Bullshit, Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Social Upheaval | 22 Comments »

PHARRELL + CLIPSE = DEAD ON ARRIVAL

Thursday, December 14th, 2006

clipse

Even though the title has been used already that still should be the name of the Clipse’s final CD with Jive Records. The relationship was tenuous at best and both parties went to counseling to try to work things out, but it looks like Koch Records is the winner again.

Why can’t Clipse find that next plateau that music acts need in order to remain relevant on the ledgers of their record labels? They were in New York City performing twice within the space of two weeks. They have across the spectrum appeal from their fan base. Emo thugs and hipster fans(heretofore regarded as Clipsters) alike love the Clipse yet between these two groups nary is a CD with legit cover art to be found.

I saw the Clipse get down at the Sneaker Pimps event in Manhattan. Even though I was there to see GhostFace it seemed to me that the overwhelming number of people had turned out for the Clipse. One way this was evidenced was that everyone knew all their songs line for line. Not just the eternal Hip-Hop bangers, but even the shitty non-descrip mixtape joints featuring the Re-Up Gang. You couldn’t tell me after seeing that show that the new Clipse album wasn’t going to be hard to handle the way they had these sneaker freaks on smash. Turns out that the sneaker lovers and the Clipsters alike both get their Clipse albums for cheap.

clipster

The Clipse return to the top of my list as the most downloaded of all time, surpassing even Jay-Z and Nas. Try this little experiment… Ask someone you know that listens to Hip-Hop if they like the Clipse. Then ask them how many Clipse albums they’ve bought. If they say more than two they’re lying to you. I’ll bet they’ve bought more Clipse ringtones than CD’s. This is the conundrum that the execs at Jive Records have had to deal with. They have a wildly popular group of artists and they can’t seem to move the units that correspond to their popularity.

I blame the Neptunes. Their track record is that they don’t craft albums sonically. They make hit singles which become hit ringtones, but their inability to texturize their sound makes anyone that works with them on a large project sound redundant. The Neptunes sound ruined Philly’s Most Wanted. The same thing is happening for the Clipse too. If they were produced by DipSet’s Heatmakers the Clipse might have sold four million records by now. Or maybe their Clipster fan base likes them in a different way.

Jay-Z’s fans worship his image and believe his backstory to the point that they hypothesize how Jay was able to be a kingpin while selling crack and never get caught. The Clipsters don’t create the same illusions in their minds. There are no long lines of crack fiends to co-sign Pusha T and Malice’s narco-trafficking achievements. When these fans think of the Clipse having it for cheap, they think dirt cheap wamp wamp.

MP3 freestyle.

clipse

Posted in Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review | 7 Comments »

JIG WORDS

Sunday, December 10th, 2006

Byron Crawford Stand Up! (nullus)

Thanks to COMBAT JACK’s ethering of Village Voice music critic TOM BREIHAN we actually have a few new visitor’s to the site. While I have their attention I thought I’d bring some of you up to speed on what it is we do here at DALLASPENN Dot Com.

WE ARE NOT A HIP-HOP BLOG!
Hip-Hop was killed approximately 25 years ago with the commercial release of the song ‘Rapper’s Delight’. The members of the SugarHill Gang had not met each other prior to being corralled into the recording studio and most of the rhymes were stolen from the notebooks of Grandmaster Casanova. The carcass of Hip-Hop has remained on life support systems like the body of TERRY SCHAIVO while people have fought over the soul. East versus West, North versus South, everybody versus Jay-Z. Hip-Hop is dead. Long live Hip-Hop.

JIG WORDS is one of the websites’ public service features where we help people from all different backgrounds learn a common language. Through communication we may all learn to appreciate one another for our different ethnicities, religions and nationalities. You’ll notice that I didn’t say race, because race is a make believe construct that is impossible to quantify. If it is skin color that determines race you might be surprised to know that even Pakistani nationals are considered ‘white’ by no other rating system than the Federal Bureau of Investigation. If a brownskinned towelhead terrorist is considered white then what exactly does ‘white’ mean? It means nothing.

JIG WORDS, however, does mean something. JIG WORDS will shine the light on some of your favorite words and terms and help you better understand their meaning so that just in case you are a standup comic and some fans heckle you from the audience you will be armed with a knowledgable retort that requires no apology.

CRACKER
For a long time most people were under the impression that ‘cracker’ was the term of derision given to the so-called white man by Blacks. When in fact the ‘cracker’ is anyone that abuses their power of authority. The painting above was done in the 1600’s and it described the whipping of a mulatto slave by a couple of the plantations ‘crackers’. Mulatto slaves were some of the most unfortunate people on the plantation and were known to have their azzes kicked by everyone since their skin color reminded their plantation owning parent that he had fucked a slave and they also reminded the chattel of how horny the plantation owners were.

The ‘cracker’ would snap their whip at workers who were being unproductive or appeared lazy. This was a form of intimidation and an assertion of power that they were in fact the liaisons of the plantation owner. As more immigrants came to America from Ireland, Scotland and eastern Europe, plantation owners were able to replace their slave overseers with these new immigrants.

The ‘cracker’ today uses other tools to maintain control through intimidation. Whether it’s 50 shots fired from the automatic weapon of police officers or the prevalent campaign against ‘snitching’ the outcome is always to keep oppression and supremacy in place.

NEGGAR
What word is as misunderstood and misused as this one? Americans continue to debate and discuss this term and how and who has license to use it. The truth is that this word describes someone’s job in an agrarian based culture. The plowman, the fieldhand, he is the neggar. In farming there isn’t a more difficult and demanding job. If your farm is too small to have a beast of burden then that job falls to the shoulders and back of the neggar. When this country was first being settled by the Dutch, Germans and English they brought their own neggars. Their indentured servants were the people that assisted in breaking down the soil and establishing crops.

Being a plowman in America wasn’t considered a bad occupation until America emerged from the Civil War and embraced Industrialization. After that point it was considered lower than working class to still be relegated to sharecropping or farming. At that point Americans chose to remind the Blacks that lived here with legislation and outright terrorism that their destiny would never escape that of being a piece of chattle conscripted to working on the farm. Through house burnings, lynchings and overt verbal terrorism the word ‘nigger’ came to be assigned to Blacks.

The truth is that the neggar was a name that white gave to other white. And it wasn’t a term of disrespect either. The early European settlers of America were smart enough to have respect for the people that handled their food supply. Who knows what kind of E-Coli you might acquire when you no longer respect the people that feed your azz.

Posted in Black Bullshit, Jig Lit Review, Social Upheaval | 4 Comments »

Black Elegance Magazine = More Black Bullshit

Tuesday, December 5th, 2006

Black Elegance magazine is like the bastard stepchild of Essence. The stepchild that was sired from a woman with shriveled ovaries. As such, B.E. doesn’t secure A-list celebrities when they are A-list. The trajectory is either early or well after. They usually sell the most when Essence has already sold out. They don’t make the kind of money that Essence makes from ad revenue because they don’t have that machinery behind them as yet. What they do have is a staff of people that are willing to give of their time and their skillsets doing the things they love – writing articles, styling artists and taking photographs. Folks understand that this time is being traded up for the credit and connections that come from building a brand.

Anyhoo, most magazines, even the crappy ones host a launch party where their staff gets a moment to exhale and preview their collective work before the magazine is released to the public. It’s a chance to hobnob and network with other industry people as well. Why do you think that the Editor in Chief at B.E. didn’t invite staffers to the launch event after having them work on the magazine for free. Prah’lee because she had no intentions of honoring the sisterhood agreement she made with them. The people at Black Elegance are just as empty and vapid as the staff at Essence. I had a meeting at the Essence corporate offices with two V.P.’s and four editors and they all agreed that Black Women did not know OR CARE about what the ‘Black Code’ meant. Forget how these magazines treat their staffers for a moment and recognize that their view of their readership is even more disgusting.

With HIV/AIDS still a scourge in America and to African American women more than ever Essence wants to give you a detailed essay on the swinger sex clubs in your neighborhood. Essence and Black Elegance have long ago left the stance of progressive empowerment for women of color. You are only a customer now and they intend to keep you shopping. Essence won’t stop until you are emotionally and financially bankrupt. Their articles claim to tell you what men think, or why he cheats, or why you should. Nothing describes the preservation of the family unit so I should assume that it doesn’t exist in Black families. It does and Essence and Black Elegance have an investment in the opposite. That is why I am asking you not to vote for them this holiday season.

We vote every single day, not just on the first Tuesday in November. We vote every time we go to the grocery store and buy a loaf of bread or a tube of toothpaste. Our dollars co-sign our trust in brands and products that we think will help our quality of life. Please don’t vote for either Essence or Black Elegance since these brands have betrayed the public trust.

Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Jig Lit Review, Social Upheaval | 17 Comments »

HELL NIGHT IN NEW YORK CITY…

Sunday, December 3rd, 2006

For several nights over the past week residents of the Queens New York housing project, Baisley Park, experienced something they haven’t seen for two decades – Hell Night from the New York City Police Department.

Eighteen years ago it was the shooting death of rookie police officer EDWARD BYRNE that prompted the police to kick in all the doors within this southeastern Queens neighborhood. BYRNE had been assigned a detail to guard a witness in a drug dealing murder trial. BYRNE was alone in his squadcar when a lone gunman approached the vehicle and pumped four bullets into the car. That event set off a hellish week of instense police intimidation of all residents in the neighborhood.

Everything from arrest raids to open harrassment was done in order to apprehend the person(s) involved with the BYRNE shooting. In the wake of their overzealousness the police left a community abused, scarred and raw. It wasn’t that the good people in this neighborhood weren’t tired of the drugs and the destruction that they wrought. It wasn’t that the fair-minded people in this neighborhood didn’t want justice for the murdered officer. These people were GOD-fearing, hard-working and tax-paying, but most importantly they wanted the respect that any human deserves. They were tired of being treated like chattel.

One of the biggest problems that Blacks suffer from is the fact that their communities are populated by several disparate and diverse classes of people. Those that aspire to middle class status are adjoining neighbors that don’t have these values. The working class residents are met with the same treatment from the police as the people that are more than likely to be involved in criminal activity. The criminal elements in the Black community are sponsored by the police and the mafia because these people are willing to be the supply side in the drug trade.

Drugs are not cultivated, refined, manufactured, processed or shipped by the Black community. They are issued to Blacks using the same conduits that were used for the illegal numbers and gaming rackets and later in prohibition these channels delivered the alcohol to these Black neighborhoods for distribution throughout the community. When someone attempts to contact the police in order to stem the flow of the contraband the police release the informers name to the racketeers who then use terrorism and violence against the informant. In this way the murder of EDWARD BYRNE was more than likely an inside job organized with the drug gangs using information given to them by the police. Why was a rookie cop left alone on an important overnight detail for a Federal drug and murder trial? These are questions that are not lost on the Blacks that are old enough to know better.

The case of SEAN BELL is not that of the murder of another police officer, but the continuation of the tragic cycle of terrorism and violence that follows when a police officer feels that his manhood has been questioned in a public setting. The police now collaborate with a different mafia to move their agenda forward. The mainstream media has corroborated every twist in testimony that the police have issued for this case. The media has used the spectre of prostitution and drugs along with publishing the criminal history of the unarmed men in order to qualify the legitimacy of the police. In a cynical and insidious turn the New York Times has even created an expert who terms the use of excessive force by the police as a phenomena called ‘contagious shooting‘.

So the Queens neighborhood finds itself under siege again, but this time it is their own victimization that has made them targets. As the police search for the phantom fourth passenger on the grassy knoll we can clearly see that supremacy has no intention of losing this battle in the court of law or the court of public opinion. Doors are kicked in again and a neighborhood kneels on the sidewalk with it’s collective hands behind their heads wondering when the terrorism will end.

The end already came for SEAN BELL. Supremacy is the inconvenient truth.

Posted in Jig Lit Review, Social Upheaval, T.O.N.Y., When I Reminisce... | 14 Comments »

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PHARRELL + CLIPSE = DEAD ON ARRIVAL

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