Archive for the ‘Straight Laced’ Category

A LETTER FROM THE MANAGEMENT

Thursday, June 21st, 2007

pwnd

Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self…

Are you folks preparing for halftime? The second quarter will over shortly. Where are you at with your plans? Are you in the lead, or are you playing from behind? I was in the lead for most of the second quarter but a few turnovers cost us our lead. We’re a better team than we’ve shown so far, but the second half is the time to put up or shut the fuck up. Let’s clear up some personal business so that we can get ourselves lined up for the third quarter…

I have to make a formal apology to a fellow blogger that I made a disparaging remark about at another website. Jay Smooth, I apologize to you brother. My remark was silly and hateful considering the fact that I don’t know you at all. I just assumed by the fact that my site was not listed on your blogroll you were part of the hate filled handshakes that I encounter on the internets. Maybe your site’s template only allows for a certain number of links in the sidebar. Who knows? I certainly don’t. And I shouldn’t have been so hurtful to anyone particularly one of the Hip-Hop blogging community’s pioneers. Jay Smooth’s website Hip Hop Music Dot Com is one of the websites that has the word Hip Hop in the site name in case you happen to be Googling the word Hip-Hop. That’s a pretty powerful boulder to hold on your shoulder. If you know what I mean. Who has time to add my site to their blogroll anyhoo? Especially when no ones reads this shit in the first place.

So again Jay Smooth, I sincerely apologize to you if you still feel a kind of way.

FLAWLESS HUSTLE’s FATHER’s DAY
You already know that GABEROCKKA is my peeps. Me and dude linked a madd long time ago over some vintage Nautica caps that I was selling on eBay. GABE is mos def one of those Steep Tech North Face heads from back in the mid 1990’s. These were the younger cats that came to Tents and Trails and dropped hundreds on the ill Gore Tex mountaineering coats. GABE stays styling on fools and bagging up fly broads. GABE just added a baby boy to his playboy repertoire…

baby gabe

ADRIAN RAYMOND – b.June 13th, 2007

True story is that me and GABE were in the city getting drunk somewhere and I had to explain to GABE what GOD was. Everything I said is contained right there in the picture of his son. Congrats and blessings G. I’m already looking for a pair of baby Dunks.

cRap Music Fantasy League

The DP Dot Com CMFL will be kicking off again for Q3. This round will be the best evar since we may receive some programming assistance from loyal readers and friends. Weekly updates will be posted along with new music. As usual DP Dot Com prizes will be given away during the game. Look out for the cRap Music Fantasy League Registration post this weekend.


SOUL SUPREME – this Friday nite only

soul supreme

**I almost forgot about the Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival**

Don’t get caught sleeping this weekend!

pwnd

THE HIP-HOP VOTE IS VALUELESS…

Monday, June 18th, 2007

soulman

It was only four years ago that some marketing genius created the most used useless political slogan evar. “Vote Or Die!” was plastered onto billboards, streetlamp signs and busty chanteuse’s t-shirts in an effort to sell more t-shirts I presume. It’s not just the fact that the slogan “Vote or Die!” has no common sense attached to it, but isn’t the act of killing yourself counterintuitive to the political process? Maybe I don’t know the full backstory and maybe someone had already copywritten “Vote To Live!”, but what I do know is that propaganda is that last way to attract young people into the arena of political thought.

Four years ago when Hip-Hop music was a stronger cultural force across mainstream America it was believed that the generation that used the artistic movement of Hip-Hop to frame their lives would be a proactive (damn you DIDDY) and progressive force. It turns out that the Hip-Hop generation for all of it’s early bluster about partying for the right to fight are only interested in partying primarily. And fighting secondarily. Rights? Not so much. This may be the most politically impotent generation evar although the money and capital that they transfer is enormous.

Why haven’t BARACK OBAAMA or HILARY CLINTON made overtures to target this demographic? Because they know that when the time comes for people to come to the polling stations all the people under thirty-five will be doing something else. Probably working at their jobs in the service industry without union representation or retirement options. Meanwhile, these same Senators vying for the presidency have been tacitly dismantling the country’s social security system. This is all going down while we snap our fingers and ‘walk it out’ to rap music’s care free choruses. It’s no longer a matter of who will ring the alarm. The real question is who will even care?

I see the election season in 2007 as a training ground for the 2008 campaigns. There are surely councilpersons and state assembly seats up for grabs this year. All of our responsibilities are simple and clear. Uncover the candidates early in the process before they place their placards on lampposts. The first thing we need is to find out who believes in education over prison, the environment over oil, and peace over war. In this way we can send a message to the larger public that we have not forsaken our obligations as citizens, nor have we comprimised our humanity. If we can’t even muster this effort we might as well go back to the “Vote Or Die!” proposition and just kill ourselves.

COMBAT JACK Surfs The New Fantastic Four Movie…

Saturday, June 16th, 2007

byrne surfer

Editor’s note: Internets hardbody legend Combat Jack usually graces us with movie reviews of our favorite comic book heroes, but he is busy right now awaiting the birth of his tenth child (remember, he is Haitian). Even with all of that going down he took a minute to throw me a mini-drop on the e-mail and I decided to post it because after all it is Combat Jack.

Yo DP,
Okay, I’m not going to front. I went into this with absolutely no expectations at all. The 1st joint sucked massive balls and I HATE sucky comic book movies with a passion. Once I got over the fact that the cast of the team is whack and the dialogue was going to be mad weak from a Hollywood slant, THIS SHIT WAS HOT!!! DOPE even! If you know the Fantastic Four like I know them, you will thouroughly enjoy this! Especially if you keep your seasoned critical eyes closed and view with the same innocent eyes that originally got you hooked into Comic books and related movies! I cannot wait to see this again with my kids! Out!

Nuff’ said.

ALL MY THICKE SISTAHS STAND UP!

Friday, June 15th, 2007

chaka

If you get a chance to catch JILL SCOTT on tour this summer do yourself a spiritual favor and buy a ticket. I just came home from seeing ROBIN THICKE and CHAKA KHAN open up for JILLY from Philly. It was a festival for beautiful, big, Black asses too. They came in all colors and shapes and sizes. There was this one chick that was so red-boned that I could damn near see through homegirl. Sisters had their hair did too. There ain’t nothing that smells better than a Black woman in heat and ROBIN THICKE had the ladies moist.

I’m not mad at ROBIN THICKE either because at least he puts his money where his mouth is by marrying a sister. Dude is a cut rate JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE on the stage though. Nevertheless, Black women love them some ROBIN THICKE. He cooed and whined in that falsetto voice he uses and the entire Radio City Hall was putty in his hands. His set wasn’t too long either. He just did the hits and then he kept it moving.

CHAKA KHAN is great to see as always because she still has a powerful and dramatic voice after all of these years. CHAKA did a complete set of her classics and when she broke it down for ‘Sweet Thing’ you realized that whatever guy was smart enough to bring his lady with him to this show was going to be getting some head afterwards. I was that smart dude and now I am going to bed to receive my reimbursement for the ticket. I don’t have to swim with the sharks because I bring sand to the beach.

The King Of All Jigs Will PWN Your Wigs…

Thursday, June 14th, 2007

piddy

Bless the heart of my new young intern RM. He sent me an e-mail mentioning all the things that he wished we should turn into drops here at this site. When I asked him to write out one and do some research on it he never e-mailed me back. Dude quit his internship only three e-mails into the gig. I suppose that is reflective of the work ethic for today’s generation.

Well since we are left holding the bag that our weedcarrier has placed down I see no point in just letting a good idea go up in smoke. RM wanted to see a drop on all the different groups that PIDDY, the King of all Jigs, has sent to ruin. PIDDY is a prolific Wig Owner whose supreme talent appears to be bankrupting young artists. Not a singer, songwriter or musician, PIDDY has gone on to create several multi-platinum albums by over-exploiting the actual talent that he comes in contact with. Think about CLIVE DAVIS, QUINCY JONES, HUSTLE SIMMONS, BENITO MUSSOLINI and the Devil all coming together as a record industry executive and you still wouldn’t be able to beat PIDDY. He’s just that damn good.

PIDDY doesn’t create Wig Owners either. If you come into his camp as a brusher then you will remain one forever. And if you leave, don’t even think about taking a single wig with you. The Lox had to go on a New York City radio station and beg the public to help them in their demand to have PIDDY give them a wig. PIDDY’s got so many wigs that he gave one to the Lox, but that shit was ratty and nappy. JADAKISS and STYLES P have been trying to straighten that shit out for over a year. PIDDY is prah’lee somewhere laughing out loud while he styles on some more fools. Let’s face it, the King of all Jigs will own your wig until the last hair has ben brushed off that bitch. He won’t stop either, but that’s mostly because he can’t stop. Are you ready to walk with me down Wig Brusher memory lane?

total

TOTAL
Everybody was always calling Total a bunch of lesbians, which they weren’t, but they were instructed to play up the girl on girl friendly image because at the end of the day Black lesbians buy music.

soul 4 real

SOUL 4 REAL
These were four brothers that PIDDY “discovered” and brought to Heavy D so that he could have his wig brushed as well. Their hit song ‘Candy Rain’ is still my shit. Everytime I hear it PIDDY gets richer and a puppy gets slaughtered.


fuzzbubble

FUZZBUBBLE
Who knew that PIDDY had a rock band? These dudes were like that 80’s group Mr. Big except they sucked worse and they never had a hit song.

the lox

THE LOX
PIDDY was so cheap that he charged the Lox $20 for every copy of their CD that they requested from him. The Lox ended up going to the bootlegger to buy their CD’s in order to give to their friends.

piddy

Kiss those Grammy’s goodbye when you write rhymes for PIDDY. You aren’t going to be getting credits on the album.

b5

B5
B5 was PIDDY’s version of the Jackson Five and they even featured the underage brother that becomes a nymphomaniac.

112

112
This was PIDDY’s take on the young adult contemporary R & B theme. He left these dudes so broke down and destitute that one of them had to take up robbing peoples homes via breaking and entering.

danity kane

DANITY KANE
What the hell is a Danity Kane?!? Looks like PIDDY is making his way into the bedrooms of little suburban girls.

da band

DA BAND
This was a train wreck even before they got on the tracks (puns always intended). For all of your information, Junior’s cheesecake ain’t even that good.

new edition

NEW EDITION
How fucked up must New Edition’s bankroll be if they all have to come to Bad Boy and brush wigs for PIDDY? These niggas catalog alone defines R & B from the 1980’s.

At the end of the day all of the wigs that these bands were brushing remained in PIDDY’s possession. The brushers themselves learned the hard lessons of life in the recording industry. PIDDY continues to search the Earth for more talented, young wig brushers to keep his empire well coiffed.

piddy