Archive for the ‘No Boutros Boutros… Ghali’ Category

EA Sports NBA Elite Goes Live…

Monday, September 27th, 2010

durant

In a little over a week EA Sports will unleash its NBA licensed video game on the masses. They are calling this latest installation to their franchise NBA Elite. If the gamemakers at 2K Sports have been an inspiration to the people at Electronic Arts its in how they present this game to the public. With much fanfare and hoopla (do you see what I just did?) EA Sports launched NBA Elite to a crowd of the best tastemakers and influencers in New York City.

2K Sports also held their game’s launch party the same night but I couldn’t get inside their shindig. The dude’s running the list said they couldn’t find my name. So I was left to wait outside for some of the dignitaries to float thru that could help the 2K people respekanize my internets celebrity status.

In the meantime I asked some questions to the NBA players who were exiting the limousines in front of the club. I asked Derrick Rose if he wouldn’t mind Carmelo taking more shots than him if the Bulls traded for him. To his credit Derrick said he didn’t care. I told Rajon Rondo that there was a rumor about his avatar turning the ball over frequently in the 2K game. He sneered back at me. Lulz.

Sean Price was due to perform at the 2K Sports event and I wanted to stick around for dude to get me into the party but I was getting antsy. I knew that there was liquor flowing at the EA Sports soiree and some little chickadees from the ad game I know just left the 2K party to go to the EA one. That was the spark I needed to get to EA’s event. They took over what appeared to be a former bank space and filled it with all kinds of interactive stations from gaming consoles to webcasted video players. EA Sports had the proper circus atmosphere. All they needed was me – the clown.

durant

I sucked down hor’s d’ovaries and vodka/grapefruit drinks like I was out of my mind. I was totally nice by 9pm and I still had to find something to do with myself for the next 2.5 hours before I would go in to tape the Combat Jack Radio Show. So I kept throwing back the vodka mixes, even after they had run out of Stoli I went in with the Svedka. Trays of shrimp cocktail danced around me with the shrimp so big you could ride them home.

The room was spinning more than a Tim Hardaway free throw but I hung tough. I mean, alcohol… Its. What. I. Do. The atmosphere felt like a high school reunion. 40 Diesel was in effect. Meka and LowKey. Clark Kent, Mos Def, Treach, 9th Wonder and J-Cole doing a mini-set. EA Sports doesn’t just know how to throw a party either. They kept the NBA Elite lounge open to the public all weekend. If I wasn’t nursing the massive migraine from opening night I might would have fell thru again to get a better look at the new Kevin Durant shoe EA Sports x Nike collabo.

So which game is better? EA Sports NBA Elite or NBA 2K11. Here’s my breakdown…

Launch Party

nba 2k11 NBA 2K11
*crickets*

elite NBA Elite ’11
Obama (open bar) throughout with free food

Attending Celebrities

nba 2k11 NBA 2K11
Derrick Rose, Rajon Rondo

elite NBA Elite ’11
Vashtie Kola FTW

Fanboy Extras

nba 2k11 NBA 2K11
Douchehammer security

elite NBA Elite ’11
Free haircuts and a photo booth.

Clearly the best game of all is the EA Sports retro version of NBA JAM.

When you consider the pure artistry of the game of basketball…

Dr.J > Michael Jordan

dr. j

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Monday, September 27th, 2010

vick

The story for the early part of this NFL season has been the play of Michael Vick for the Philadelphia Eagles. Vick is the most exciting player in the game right now and he seems to be finding his form that he sported prior to his incarceration two years ago.

Philadelphia is a strange town and they seem to have taken to accepting Vick as the representation for the team. As long as Vick keeps winning games, especially this upcoming weekend against the NFC East rival Redskins and former Philly QB Donovan McNabb.

The DP.com football pool is back in effect again. Shouts to everyone that signed up. Last year we gave a DJ Hero console to the pool’s overall points winner. This year is no different and we have a selection of prizes for you football fans. EA Sports Madden ’11 for PS3 or DJ Hero2 console and game.

Good luck to all of you poolers, and good luck to Michael Vick.

vick

SEPARATED @ BIRTH: Black Leaders…

Sunday, September 26th, 2010

ewing

I can see Patrick Ewing taking an NBA franchise to the promised land and he never looked more Jamaican than the years he rocked that Red Sea part in his hair.

HO SIT DOWN!

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

eddie long

Bishop Long showing off his new iPhone [ll]

Back in the days in the Black church, and I’m assuming we all know what the Black church is… The Black church is the base support of brands like Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry. Back in the days in the Black church you knew where all the gheys were. The choir, natch. And it was accepted. And the music was good. The pastor/reverend/deacon/preacher was still a philanderer, but it was that classic vanilla boy on girl shit. Okay maybe the reverend might add another chick to the mix and a few lines of cocaine, but this was how it was down.

Meanwhile, the white church was a steady stream of fags and altar boys who got their asscheeks spread for God’s glory. The Catholic church was at one time the single greatest landowner throughout New York City but they have had to sell off acres of their land holdings to satisfy clandestine lawsuits of sexual impropriety. Integration has finally come to the church. I think Martin Luther King Jr. foresaw this in a dream after a ménage à trois in Memphis.

I’m never surprised when I learn that the Creflo Dollar types of ministries implode. The abuse can usually be traced to the minister’s name. You have to know that a preacher with the last name Dollar is gonna be a tax cheat. Just like some dude named Long is gonna make people get familiar with his johnson [ll]. Oh, and he’s based in Atlanta? Definite homo status. Nullus.

These preachers have congregations that outnumber concert attendance. Are they that nice with the word?! Or are people so confused and beat down that they just want to grab a hold of something [ll] and they flock to the biggest spectacle with the largest crowds? I’m sorry for the people that believe in these preachers as if they were supposed to be something other than a human with the normal selfish desires [ll]. Eddie Long is going to be a lot poorer for those desires. Maybe he can hit up his boy Creflo for a dollar?

SEPARATED @ BIRTH: Papa Don’t Preach…

Saturday, September 25th, 2010

bishop long

Read here as CNN’s Roland Martin uses his pulpit to tell Bishop Eddie Long to sit the fux down.