Archive for the ‘The Guest Room’ Category

T.K.C. Goes In On Rapping Athletes…

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

mj marz

Editor’s note: Tony’s Kansas City is one of the the internets most consistent websites for news and views from the fly-over states (read: Middle America). This has made TONY a sort of cultural bellwether for spotting trends and details that emerge from the heartland of the American culturescape. TONY has taken a minute from exposing the hypocrisy of Midwestern politicos and their greedy real estate owning cohorts to address an issue that is all too relevant with the opening of the NFL season and the NBA tipoff not far behind.

Hip-hop will ruin your career as a pro-athlete

Because the world, pop culture and democracy have become nothing more than exercises in cross-marketing and branding it’s still important to remember that the influence of hip-hop extends to even the most mundane aspects of our lives and our television viewing habits.

Sadly, hip-hop’s commercial appeal and its intersection with world of professional sports usually ends up in some kind of train wreck.

It wasn’t always this way. Most of us remember the iconic imagery used by Spike Lee in the early days of marketing the Air Jordans which perfectly fused the urban culture of hip-hop with the overt capitalism of hocking crappy shoes via Lee’s Mars Blackmon coupled with Jordan’s incredible talent. It worked so well that it would eventually inspire so many high school kids to shoot their fellow students in order to possess these cultural status symbols. Still, the shoes, the ensuing controversy and those classic black and white commercials served to keep many Asian toddlers employed and earning enough money so that their families never had to worry about where the next bowl of rice would come from… God Bless you capitalism. Anyhoo, that’s about as good as it got for the merger between hip-hop and pro-sports.

Since then it’s been one embarrassment after another when it comes to pro-athletes and hip-hop.

Admittedly, Shaquille O’Neal had a competent debut album and even a hit single latching onto the flash in the pan fame of the Fu-Schnickens with “What’s up Doc?” Yet, 1993 was not only my senior year in high school but also one of the absolute worst years for hip-hop as the radio pushed turd sandwiches like Digable Planets and I should have been ashamed of myself for listening to crap like N2Deep‘s “Back to the hotel.” I apologize. Anyway, the point here is that Shaq’s foray into the world of rap music was only slightly less embarrassing than the film Kazaam.

Similarly, Allen Iverson’s rap music career was cut short when his CD release in the earlier part of this decade was deemed “coarse, offensive and antisocial” (all prerequisites for a great rap CD) by NBA commissioner David Stern.

iverson

And with all of this history you’d think that pro-athletes would stop trying to pursue a career in the hip-hop game which is neither as lucrative nor as likely to lead to a long-term relationship with a blonde groupie as pro-sports.

Sadly, trends have a way of turning up late in the Midwest which might explain Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson’s recent rap controversy and the dis track that may or may not have come from his lips. No homo?

Now LJ vehemently denies the voice on the track is his even though it sounds exactly like him. And the flash in the pan rap group says it was just a stunt for publicity even though they’ve also given radio interviews saying that it was, in fact, Johnson.

The song, rapped in a voice similar to Johnson’s and peppered with references to the f- and n-words, blasts Chiefs president and general manager Carl Peterson — suggesting it was made during Johnson’s holdout before he signed a five-year contract extension worth a guaranteed $19 million and nearly $28 million in the first three years.

The lyrics include: “Carl Peterson, the GM’s running it. They see me, they want to treat me like I’m running it. I wouldn’t give a (expletive) if I’m not coming back. I’d rather play for another team because I’d rather be a running back.”

Yep, the little known rap group went back and forth with their story but in light of the fact that the Chiefs are owned by the Hunt Family who some crackpot conspiracy theorists (like myself) cite as key players in the Kennedy Assassination – It’s no great leap to see how some coercion might have been applied in much the same way that Larry Johnson has never been convicted of domestic violence but he has a solid reputation around KC for putting his shoe on any broad who gives him a hard time.

Still, the important part of the equation here is that even the vague association with any credible form of hip-hop will immediately tarnish the reputation of a pro-athlete. A competitor is allowed to nearly decapitate another human being on the field of sport BUT uttering a rhyme with curse words, the n-word or any decent idea seems to be expressly verboten. And it’s not like I’m standing up for that d-bag and part-time male model for Rocawear Larry Johnson HOWEVER it just strikes me as odd that so many pro-athletes are inspired by hip-hop and the marketing of professional sports is definitely influenced by the music but any specific involvement with the musical genre seems to bring about disaster in so many instances.

Therefore, let Larry Johnson’s dis track serve as an example to any athlete about to get into the rap game. DON’T DO IT! Despite rampant commercialism and the apolitical freak show acts of the vast majority of rappers from The South; at its heart hip-hop is STILL an art form intended to provoke, incite and educate its audience. Meanwhile, pro-sports are simply the modern day equivalent of the brutal Roman games now taking place in this historical epoch and intended only to obfuscate greater social concerns with illusions of fair play, bravery and courage while the empire (unfortunately) moves closer to collapse.

d-bag larry

Drunk & Hot Girls @ GABEROCKKA’s B-Day Party…

Sunday, September 16th, 2007

gaberockka

I gave GABE this jacket for his birthday. Nike founder PHIL KNIGHT allegedly originally named his company after Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. Damn, what kind of world was the early seventies really like if Pabst was actually considered a good beer? Blue Ribbon Sports is Nike’s O.G. moniker. This jacket also matches up nice with the Air Max 95 3M Croc joints.

am 95 3M crocs

Peace out to my homey KING TEE and his beatbox JESSICA, along with the party grrls Z and NICOLE. They all came through the screening of ‘Bodega’ on the rooftop of the H.Q. for Rooftop Films. Shit was bricker than a muv up in that muv too.

After the screening we blasted into what is called Sunset Slope in Brooklyn for GABEROCKKA’s 28th birthday party. Good thing I brought some chicks for us to look at because otherwise we all would have had to gang up on GABE’s smashbox. I brought along some extra ladies to kick it with so the fellas could all focus on getting GABE as effed up as possible. By the end of the night everyone was twisted up lovely. Nah’Mean? Shouts to EON for bringing that.

Shouts to MOS DEF for bringing it on this retarded track.


gaberockka

3-Way Freeway: GABE, ANGIE and DP

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More love for GABE from MOOVES and his wife

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ANGELO, GABE and DP pose for [ll].

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Z and NICOLE starring as drunk and hot girls.

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GABE, Z and EON of the everlasting zoot.

GABEROCKKA On Ghetto Celeb Schadenfreude…

Thursday, September 13th, 2007

brit vma

Editor’s note: Wikipedia says that Schadenfreude is a German word meaning “pleasure taken from someone else’s misfortune”. It has been borrowed by the English language and is sometimes also used as a loanword by other languages. It derives from Schaden(damage, harm) and Freude(joy). So sit back and relax as GABEROCKKA goes in on Ghetto Celeb Schadenfreude.

Is there anything more entertaining than witnessing a celebrity’s public downfall? I was thinking about it, and I was asking myself the question of how I would write this drop; would I have a point to make or would it be random stream of consciousness writing? I tried to formulate an essay about how celebrity-directed schadenfreude is more rampant in our society now than ever, and that is a sign of a slackening of values like compassion and forgiveness in our modern society.

As soon as the point popped into my head I realized people have been revelling in the public shaming and downfalls of others, especially those on the higher level of the social strata, since the beginning of civilization. The only difference is, in our time, with the internet, cable tv, etc., we receive and spread information so much faster. Schadenfreude is just part of human nature. When someone who has always had it better than you is publically destroyed, the vast majority of people on this earth would secretly gloat to themselves as they watched with fascination as it unfolded.

So in that spirit, I would like to present Gaberockka’s top five public downfall’s of the 2006-2007 celebrity season.

mel gibson
Mel ‘I’m Bringing Auschwitz Back’ Gibson
Now Mel had already been accused of severe anti-semitism several times in the past, and it was common knowledge that his dad was some neo-nazi lunatic so I think everyone kind of knew, but it isn’t every day that a big time celebrity fucks up so badly as to go off on a drunken anti-semetic rant when he works in an industry controlled by Jews. You do have to give him credit though; he put together the little obligatory apology package with the heartfelt apology letter and the photo-ops with old jewish guys. The thing is, and I didn’t do much fact checking, because hey, I’m a blogger, but doesn’t Mel own his own production company, and doesn’t he finance his own movies. Then he puts them out and they’re blockbusters, so he’s kind of set without all the old Hollyweird jewery. Hell, if he didn’t want all the Jews out there to pry open their wallets and pay to see his movies, he probably should’ve just retitled his flicks something like this… ‘Mad Max 3: Fuck The Jews!’

ted haggard
Ted Haggard aka Right Reverend Bati Bwoy
I’m lazy so I’ll just copy & paste a couple excerpts from some article I wrote about dude back when I was doing Flawless Hustle

“So let’s talk about this Reverend Ted Haggard guy. He is a pillar of his commuinity, one of the most influentual people in the Christian Right Evangelical movement, head of the 30 million-member National Association of Evangelicals, leader of the 14,000-member New Life Church, and a personal spiritual advisor of the President. He is a real warrior for god, and a living testement to the ideals of Chistianity. Oh except for the fact that he’s been doing meth and having monthly gay sex romps with a male prostitute”

Don’t worry… it gets better:

“The prostitute, Mike Jones, took a minute out of his busy schedule as a popular Houston rapper, to shed some light on the true face of the Evangelical movement. As the story goes, Jones had been having sex and doing meth with Rev. Haggard on a monthly basis for the last 3 years and had no idea who he was. One day he was flipping through channels and he landed on one of those religious channels where Rev. Haggard was giving an impassioned sermon to a stadium full of inbred hicks faithful worshippers about the evil of homosexuality.

According to the website of his organization, “The Bible says homosexuality is a sin that “brings grave consequences in this life and excludes one from the Kingdom of God.”” This is a view that Rev. Haggard, at least publicly endorses. Mr. Jones couldn’t sit by and watch the hypocrisy, so he exposed the Reverend. At first Rev. Haggard categorically denied all claims, but when Mr. Jones revealed that he had proof in the form of voicemails left by Rev. Haggard, Haggard had no choice but to confess to “some indescretions” ”

These quotes were from an article about Haggard called ‘Flaming Downfall’. This was one of the more interesting stories purely for the reason that it exposed such right-wing Christian hypocrisy. It made you wonder how this guy could have lived with himself for so long being a publicly fervent anti-gay activist, but really a closeted ‘mo on the low.

kkkramer
Jive Turkey Racist Comedian Michael Richards
Ooohwee did this guy mess up. I don’t know if it really counts as a downfall since it’s hard to ruin a career where one no longer existed anymore, but he still effed up. The T.I. controlled media tends to downplay any social injustice suffered by black people in this country – whether it be a N-word laced tirade by a celebrity, inequality of treatment in the criminal justice system (Jena 6), or outright murder of blacks by police officers (Sean Bell, et al.). These stories are never quite as big as they should be, but when Kramer showed his true colors in front of a comedy club full of shocked patrons it was all over the news for a couple weeks.

The funny thing is, despite his apology, he sort of tried to play it off like his comedy act was so deep rooted in his personality (or something) that it took over completely, and when he went off on his tirade he was simply ‘in character’. Note to Kramer: I know Andy Kaufman, I’m related to Andy Kaufman, and you sir are no Andy Kaufman. I don’t believe you, you need more people.

brit hot
Britney Spears: Washed Up At 25 Yrs Old
She went from being masturbation fodder for millions of middle aged men around the country, to being the subject of derision, ridicule, and pity. By the time she married Federline she was already out of favor with the public. She squeezed out two young’uns while she still had the mind of a 14 year old and that didn’t help public opinion, but we indulged her fleeting interest in playing Mommy. The inevitable messy divorce, and allegations of total parental incompetence and even child abuse were the nail in the coffin. Then, at the worst possible time she started partying with Paris Hilton, getting totally twisteee every night, and showing the world her droopy cooch-sleeves.

brit snatch
She also did some memorably dumb shit like bringing her infant children with her to clubs and keeping them out all night. This bitch can’t afford a baby-sitter? Even the most ghettoest of hoodrats know to get a sitter when they go out clubbing. The bizarre ‘in and out of rehab/head-shaving incident’ was the Krazy Glue acting as back up for the nails in case the coffin lid got loose like Britney’s labia. Her performance at the VMA’s was the 500-ton concrete block poured over the coffin. Pitifully clumsy and amateurish dancing, lip-syncing so bad that it wouldn’t have even won her a spot as a contestant on Lip Service, and I won’t even go in to the fact that she was totally out of shape because thats too easy.

I know it’s cliche, but Britney’s downfall was like watching a horrible car accident in slow motion; it’s grotesque, sad, and disturbing, but you can’t look away for even a second lest you should miss the money shot where the unfortunate passenger’s head hits the windshield and splatters the car with gray matter. Interesting side note: if you google the phrase ‘public downfall’, half the hits on the first page are articles about Britney Spears. Hmmmmm….

brit bald

vick
Atlanta’s Atomic Dog Michael Vick
I didn’t enjoy watching his downfall, and I felt a kind of way about his trial (and crucifixion) by media. With that said, I love dogs, and my personal feeling is that anyone who intentionally hurts dogs should go to prison. Imagine if we had some sort reciprocosity based system of doling out punishment to criminals. For example, if you kill, you are killed, if you rape you are raped, etc. Would Mike Vick have to fight dogs? Or would he have to fight humans in some sort of Planet of the Dogs gladiator arena? Anyway, on the bright side, it brought the term ‘Rape Stand’ into the public focus, which was good for me since I’m currently in the process of marketing my own line of rape stands, except mine come in Gerbil, Hamster, and Guinea Pig sizes, in addition to the standard dog size, so get at me if you’re having trouble breeding your domesticated rodents.

* Bonus Round * Bonus Round * Bonus Round *

craig
Trapped In The Water Closet Senator Larry Craig
Larry Craig is a Republican senator from Idaho who was recently arrested for soliciting gay sex in a mens bathroom in the Minneapolis airport. He initially pled guilty to disorderly conduct, but now is seeking to withdraw the plea, arguing that he panicked and pled guilty to avoid a public downfall (oops! situations like this are why the term ‘backfire’ exist). I can’t call it; I’m pretty sure the dude is a fruitbasket, because there’s a clear correlation between people in positions that require a hard-line conservative stance on homosexuality, and being closeted gays themselves (Ted Haggard, Catholic Priests – more pedo’s than gay, I know) but at the same time, Craig was arrested for….tapping his foot and moving his luggage? And this is locally known as “a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct”?

I’m not sure that would convince me if I was a juror. I mean if it’s locally known to be a signal then that’s all well and good, but I imagine that his lawyer could make a pretty strong argument for him just having had the misfortune to tap his shoe and move his luggage in an airport where that’s a homosexual mating call. Am I being naive? I don’t know, I don’t know much about Minneapolis anti-lewdness statutes either.

I guess the reason this particular public downfall deserves note, is that instead of accepting his shaming and getting out of the spotlight ASAP (a la Ted Haggard), Senator Craig now wants to withdraw his guilty plea, keeping him, and by proxy the negative association he now has with the Republican Party in the public eye; a move drawing anger from all four corners of the GOP. In 1994 Senator Craig was accused of hitting on a guy in a clothing store. When confronted by the media about the incident, he replied: “I’ve been in this business 27 years in the public eye here. I don’t go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn’t do it in Boise, Idaho! Jiminy!”

Note to self: Boise Idaho has great potatoes, but cruising for men… Not so much. Jiminy. [||]

GABEROCKKA On BDP – BRANCH DISCOVERY PROCESS

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

renegabe

Editor’s note: GABEROCKKA is the Addict’s Field Correspondent. Peep game from one of the young, up and coming[ll] legends in the making.

I was trolling some of my streetwear/fashion geek forums this morning, and some of the posts I read got me to thinking about the Branch Discovery Process. The BDP is not real; it’s something I just made up, but it works for me and it’s a novel way of examining the processes through which we go to increase our knowledge.

In the beginning of 1998, I was chilling at a party at this skeeze named Asha’s house. In my crew, Asha got passed around more than triple honey dipped oo-wop, 2wap, 3wap, or whatever you call a blunt rolled with multiple Phillies. True story is after the Marijuana Parade in 97′, my dudes Tech and Malice and I rolled a honey dipped quadrop that took an hour and a half to burn, and had to be held with two hands, but I digress. An hour into the party Tech showed up with a new Mixtape by Babu and J-Rocc of the Beat Junkies, called ‘Bumrush Brothers Vol. 2’. I had been listening to hip hop since the late 80’s, but I learned from this mixtape that their was a whole new movement in hip hop going on right under my nose. This tape had tracks by cats I had never heard of before such as Jurassic 5, Dilated Peoples, and Lootpack. I fell in love with underground hip hop the first time I heard it, and the very next day I brought the mixtape to Fat Beats with the instructions ‘I want shit like this.” They hit me off with a grip of Eddie Ill and DL mixtapes, and I was off the college.

At school I was selling E for my dude MOVES back in the City, and there was only so much money I could spend on chronic and ordering food every day. My starting to collect records came about mostly because of money surplus (I wasn’t into sneakers like I am now at the time). I noticed a link on one of the tapes to a website called Sandbox Automatic, and I checked it out. Turned out all these dope indie hip hop records that I had assumed were so obscure as to be impossible to find were all available for purchase at this site, and for a measly $6 apiece. I started ordering records from Sandbox, using the playlists of the tapes as shopping lists. Eventually I developed an email friendship with the owners, and when I went back to the City that summer they offered me a job. As a newcomer to the hip hop vinyl scene, this was the best educational experience I could hope for. When I started out I didn’t know anything about the artists, but the way I expanded my knowledge was intuitive; I knew I liked the artists on the mixtapes, so first I copped everything I could find by them. Then I copped records by artists who had guest features on the mixtape, then I copped records by artists on the same record label, and so forth. This type of organically branching out research, coupled with the fact that I’m a neurotic obsessive nut-job who eats, breathes, and sleeps my fixation du jour, is what brought me from being a clueless n00b getting clowned on forums, to being who I am today (slightly less naive – still getting clowned on forums.) Oh I also wrote record reviews for YRB Mag. and ran my own ‘Zine for a while, but that was later.

When I was in high school, I was into sneakers, but nothing like I am now. I had the Air Max 95 Classics, and the Air Max 95 Comets. I had a pair of Air Humara’s, and a pair of Air Terra Humara’s. I liked sneakers but I wasn’t a sneakerhead; I was into fashion in general and putting together dope outfits, but back then I was more of a Polo Raver type, so it was all about designer menswear like Polo, Nautica, DKNY, etc. I stayed up in Macy’s and Bloomies. One time, my crew ended up all owning the same pair of Air Max’s in different colorways (unintentionally) and we met up at my crib all wearing our new kicks, stood in a circle, and formed sneaker-voltron. I actually took a pic, which is sitting somewhere in my apartment (I will hunt down and scan). At the time of course I didn’t realize how teh ghey this all was, but it’s all gravy. In 2003, after beating my Air Max’s and Humara’s to death I went out to get a new pair of kicks, but I didn’t like any of the general releases I was seeing in the stores. This was before I became a sneab (sneaker snob) – now I wouldn’t even bother going to Foot Locker and looking at General Release Nikes, because my sneabishness has consumed me and I’m convinced that all of the GR Nikes are ugly. Back then I had no idea what Quickstrike or Tier 0 meant; indeed I wasn’t even aware of a hierarchy of exclusivity of Nike releases. If I was I probably would have hit up a sneaker boutique like DQM, but back then I didn’t even know such a thing existed.

Anyhoo, not being able to find any new models I liked, I decided to search Ebay for some of the older models I used to rock. I found some Terra Humara’s in an obsidian/engine colorway and I copped. I liked the way it felt to wear TH’s again that the very next week I went back on Ebay looking for more colorways and found an all brown premium leather edition called ‘HTM – Paul Brown’ – I copped. The fashion nut in me had been dormant for a while but this was definitely when things started shifting. Just the very fact that I saw nothing wrong with buying the same pair of kicks in multiple colors was very telling as I had previously taken a more practical approach towards footwear. One day while doing Google searches for more pairs of Terra Humara’s, I stumbled upon a treasure trove of information in the form of a sneaker and streetwear blog, and a website called Flight Club. I started reading the blogs, and frequenting Flight Club, expanding my tastes past Terra Humara’s into Air Max’s. When I’m fixated on something, I tirelessly research it and immerse myself in it; with sneakers and streetwear, as with records, and before that, comics, my goal was to develop an encyclopedic level of knowledge in as short a time as possible. Getting into one brand led me to another; getting into one store led me to another.

I tell these stories to illustrate my theory of the branch discovery process, which gets its name from the way that each discovery branches out to another. It’s a process I take for granted, but I’m not sure everyone goes through the same steps when trying to learn about a new thing. Or maybe it’s one of those things that everyone does, but no one stops to examine. Now that I’m aware of it, it’s always interesting for me to watch it happen. I’m on autopilot so I don’t even consciously do things that are part of the BDP, but if you’re not lucky enough to be an obsessive weirdo like me, you can always try to follow the instructions and see if you can’t implement the BDP in your own quest for knowledge.

But when it comes to BDP, Knowledge always Reins Supreme.

1.

A 40 DIESEL Man Crush [ll]

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

bigger and deffer

Editor’s note: DP Dot Com’s most prolific ghetto celeb profiler goes in and gives us a report from the Magic convention in Las Vegas.

Its not too often as an adult you get to run into someone who impacted you as a shorty. Especially if that person is of notoriety or fame. Kenneth “Supreme” McGriff bought me ice cream as a kid, Bill Cosby held me down as a starting freshman offensive lineman when I got hurt during our homecoming game in 1993*. But recently I had the chance to catch up with Mr. James Todd Smith some 20 years later.

I was a big LL Cool J stan as a shorty before he went uber-sexy. The backstory goes down like this… It was 1987, I was hanging out one day in front of my cousins’ building in Rochdale Village (Building 6) and all of a sudden this red Audi 5000 with limo tints pulls up and parks illegally out front. I thought it might have been one of the more successful purveyors of the illicit pharmaceutical products so I played it cool. The hazard lights go on and the driver of the vehicle is none other than the the tall, young legend in leather. LL servin’ ’em well! Decked out in the full-length fur and all the truck gold accessories I was starstruck.

However I got my first lesson in the classic NYC mentality of “FUCK THAT N*GGA!” which was demonstrated by the less than warm “whaddups” returned to Mr. Smith. To add ‘insult to injury’ once he entered the building his car became the new leaning post (a practice done to anyone who parked right in front). So I asked my cousin, “Can I go touch his car?”, and I was practically shoved into it. Man you couldn’t tell my 12 year old butt nothing. I was a huge fan of LL and soaked up anything he dropped while listening to Red Alert, Chuck Chillout, Marley Marl and Mister Magic, and here I was leaning on the ride from the “Bigger & Deffer” album cover. Fuck what you heard, I’M BAD!!!!!

Well being young dumb and star struck I didn’t realize I was the only one left leaning on this maraschino cherry colored piece of German engineering. All of a sudden I hear this husky, nasally growl, “Yo, you taking care of my ride little man? Keeping these n*ggas off my shit?”
I could barely work up a meek Peter Brady-esque “Yes…” Well LL lived up to the cool in his name and told me, “Thanks lil’ man!”, daps me up and hits me off with a $20. He could have given me a dry cleaning ticket and I would have been amped…

Fast forward 20 years and I’m chilling out in Vegas for the MAGIC show with my Mighty Healthy Consortium. While walking around the show I see James Todd Smith promoting his new clothing line and being amicable with those around. Well fate is a muhfucka and he noticed me swigging a 40 of OE and I raised it in respect. I walked over to try and catch a flick and wound up taking the opportunity to tell him the story above and the impact of it all. Where he didn’t remember that specific moment he did remember all the cats who would sit on his ride when he’d visit his grandmother in Rochdale Village. Seeing that the convo was moving well I also had to take the time out to explain how I thought his original “Rock The Bells” was the greatest lyrical performance of all time in my opinion. Alas I kept it moving because there was a flock of horny 40 year old sisters who wanted to lick his lips for him.

But I gotta give LL thanks for the moment….

40 ll

*Now its time to reconnect with The Cos…
I thank you for holding me down and kicking it with me for the whole game when I got hurt. It meant alot to the young pup that I was back then and no matter what these niggers say I got your back BC!!!