Archive for the ‘The Re-Up’ Category

DALLAS PENN Is The GHETTO BIG MAC (ReMix)

Friday, June 8th, 2007

da mayor

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to hang out with a cat that is an extreme fan of what we do here at dallaspenn dot com. RAFI from OH WORD! is a fellow blogger and true school Hip-Hop aficionado. While a lot of people were only saying and writing nice things(myself included), he was a cat that stepped up to the plate to donate his time and resources to the estate of the late JAMES YANCEY a/k/a JAY DILLA. RAFI is a man of his word, so the name of his blog is quite apropo. We connected on several levels and topics but most of all we dig fast food. Really cheap fast food. Sadly, it’s one of my vices along with my sneaker collection and my drug habit.

The item that intrigued this brother the most was the creation of the Ghetto Big Mac. Here is a sandwich that combines all the greatest elements of the food pyramid. The coup de gras of the sandwich is McDonald’s world famous Big Mac sauce which is the greatest condiment ever created. Peter Luger’s steak sauce is second and it’s not even in the the same neighborhood. Add to that McDonald’s french fries and I think you will have to agree this sandwich may be the key to ending the unrest in the Middle East. At least during lunch time.

When RAFI approached me about doing an instructional video for creating the sandwich I thought he might be a little crazy. I mean, who comes here and doesn’t know how to order the Ghetto Big Mac? However RAFI’s vision wasn’t just to preach to the choir, but to educate the masses. To that extent we co-produced a video clip on how to make a Ghetto Big Mac. I suppose you can start calling me Mayor McCheese now. Enjoy.

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THE INTERNETS GOT ALL-STAR GAME (ReMix)

Friday, June 8th, 2007

holy trinity

The All-Star game in Major League Baseball gives you a chance to see rising stars that play in towns that regularly don’t visit your locale. Living in New York, it gave me the chance to see KEN GRIFFEY, Jr. and VLADIMIR GUERRERO before they would hit the bigtime.

I want to use this moment to introduce you to some of the blogs that I visit regularly that bring their special game to the internets playing field. I predict some of these cats will go to the mainstream media machines big leagues one day and you can always say that you knew them when…

TECH WHORE
Beware the Deuno is one of my all time favorite posts.
tony gwynn

kirby puckett SHE REAL COOL
Whenever I am being a mysognist pig I get a visit from JB and she checks my steez.

BETTER THAN YOURS
JEROME BAKER’s blog is an influential site for any bloggers on the come up. Skateboards, sneakers and new car speakers. BTY is cooler than you are.
ken griffey jr

mike piazza GLAMAZON LIFE
Glamazon Life is an L.A. based entertainment industry insider spot. Everything isn’t based on Hollywood at her site, but when she goes Hollywood, she goes glamazon.

SNEAKMOVE
These cats drop music and lifestyle info that I live for.
nolan ryan

reggie NO DAMN LIFE
ThatGirlTam’s latest incarnation on the internets. Me and Tam go back like lawn chairs.

THE RAP UP
Hip-Hop journalism chopped and screwed from the heart of Texas. Plus here is where I copped most of my STACEY DASH Playboy mag pics.
pudge rodriguez

sammy sosa START SNITCHING
Still the internets best blog title.

TRAPPER JUAN
When this blogger isn’t taking care of stray rescued animals he’s reviewing kung fu flicks.
ozzie guillen

ricky henderson MODEL MINORITY
From the Bay to Brooklyn, Model Minority is trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.

AMADEO SOGNI
Thoughtful rants and under control hate spew from this brother’s mind.
rod carew

pedro martinez SUPA SISTA
My homegirl SOUP is part of the Los Angeles collective called the West Coast Blogging Hotties. Ask her to send you some of her pics of her wearing sandals. Hotness.

ZILLA SAYS
ZILLZ is one of the places that makes me laugh out loud. “What does it smell like?” is going to be a feature on this site in the near future.
young manny

carlos delgado Mr. KAMOJI
KAMOJI?!? Put Rebel Mag on the air already.

BIOCHEMICAL SLANG
You need to visit this spot more often because he drops some dope posts and he searches YouTube for some of the rarest music videos that you have never seen.
thurman munson

george brett TONY’s KANSAS CITY
TONY is a good buddy of mine although we have never hung out. I dig the way he focuses on politics and economics inside his hometown. If America is taken over by Mexicans I hope we make TONY el presidente.

NAH’ RIGHT
Nah’Right is a beast on the web scene for Hip-Hop news and views. His internets crack got these rap stans turning into strawberries (late 80’s lingo for dope fiends).
donnie baseball

the rocket OH WORD!
Oh Word! is the thinking man’s Hip-Hop blog. Hey RAFI, send me my DILLA shirt.

CRUNK & DISORDERLY
C & D is like having Thanksgiving dinner with WHITNEY HOUSTON, FLAVA FLAV and TRINA.

Everyday.

ozzie smith

albert pujols BYRON CRAWFORD
The internets begins here. This is still my favorite spot on the web to talk crazy shit since Comedy Central shut down their message boards. KANGAY WEST reads this site religiously. Nullus.

BeYONCE KNOWLES, GODDESS OF ASS (ReMix)

Wednesday, June 6th, 2007

bey

BLU CHEEZ was tooling around the web looking for some pics of various celebs to put into the photo albums section of this site when he brought something interesting to my attention. BeYONCE KNOWLES is photographed with her ass to the camera. A lot. I don’t think there is any singer slash actress that is photographed in that position as much as BeYONCE is. Certainly not JESSICA SIMPSON who is somewhat comparable to BeYONCE in resume only. Even when she was trying to pick that crappy ‘Dukes of hazzard’ movie out of the toilet she wasn’t giving backshots away.

bey

The only reason I’m complaining about being forced to stare at BeYONCE’s azz so much is because she has a dynamite rack also. Can I get some cleave shots once in a while? Is that too much to ask? Every red carpet event has BeYONCE turning around and poking out her seat, but I can never find any pics of her facing the camera and grabbing her ankles. I’m sure theres a race card for me to pull out in this mess but I will let y’all draw your own inferences.

bey

I read this article the other day where BeYONCE says that she has to perform as a character named SASHA in order to seperate her true self from her agressively sexy performances. So in effect she plays a character that she’s not comfortable with because she knows the character is baseless and poorly developed. How many other people have careers where they have to seperate themselves from their job because the thought of the work they do makes them cringe? Other than say, hookers.

bey

HOTTENTOT VENUS 2006 (ReMix)

Wednesday, June 6th, 2007

hottentot venus

The Model Minority was kind enough to lace us a few months back with a blurb on the sad story of the SAARTJIE BAARTMAN, the Venus of Hottentot. This is one of the many tragic African characters that faced the three headed Cerberus of colonialism, racism and supremacy. This character was reviled for her natural ample posterior when in the same Victorian culture women wore an apparatus to give them the image of having such a backside. It’s completely nutty to me when I look at her story now because she was openly persecuted, yet secretly idolized and fetishized for her body.

The two major examples of the mainstream media’s continuous Black woman ass fetish are my brownskin baby momma SERENA WILLIAMS a/k/a Court Chocolate a/k/a SHE-HULK and everyone’s favorite high yellow songstress, BeYONCE KNOWLES. Both these ladies are first rate entertainers, but folks in the media can’t get away from what really makes these women popular to them — their big asses.

serena

The New York Times was remarking on how heavy SERENA had become and they even chirped alongside JOHN McENROE and his superiors that said her extre-tennis lifestyle was ruining her power game. I remember when this same McENROE said that VEUNS and SERENA’s power games were ruining women’s tennis. McENROE should go to Hell and die.

My other Hottentot Venus is the purposely vacuous BeYONCE KNOWLES. I’m not old enough to remember the superstar grooming of DIANA ROSS, but I can see some connections between the two now that BeYONCE has immersed herself into acting. I know why DIANA ROSS tried so hard to get us to like her, because she had a difficult background, but with BeYONCE I am a little disturbed. She is completely overexposed for someone who is reportedly only 26. She’s not just burning herself out but she’s burning me out as well. Her name and likeness is attached tp so much crap they will need to give her brand products their own wing at Wal-Mart by the time she reaches 30.

beyonce

I’m all for people coming up in the game and making some money so I don’t begrudge BeYONCE her success it’s just that her rapid oversaturation is going to cause a backlash where we will question what we enjoy about her so much.

In the end(pun wholly intended), the MSM doesn’t care about BeYONCE’s staying power because they will invent some celebrity to replace her even if they have to dig through a D-list garbage pail of Black talent. BUFFIE the Body anyone?

buffie

MATT MURDOCK Was My Nigga (ReMix)

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

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Peace to my dude COMBAT JACK (no BB for DD).

The above pictured comic book is the climax to one of the most intense love stories that you will find in graphic literature. Marvel Comics was so fucking bomb azz back in the days because their characters felt so real. Motherfuckers were hell’a conflicted and bi-polar before we even had the term for that shit. The good guys were often borderline criminals and the crooks were fucking insane. The appeal for Marvel was that they weren’t afraid to give young writers and artists a chance to shine. The truth was that they couldn’t afford to pay anybody either so they let their creative staff have pretty much free rein.

There was a young writer/artist named FRANK MILLER who took over the book and he made the Daredevil character one of the most down azz heroes in the comic universe. Daredevil’s alter-ego was a blind defense attorney named MATTHEW MURDOCK. Daredevil was somewhat the Marvel counterpoint to Batman. He operated mainly at nighttime and he used the shadows and the dark as his accomplice. Daredevil operated mainly in Manhattan and FRANK MILLER would use New York City streetscapes as backdrops and occasionally the latent character. Daredevil was a cool street motherfucker too. He would be fucking up the ‘H’ and ‘C’ pushers as he made his way to getting the head of the mafia underworld, the Kingpin.

The Kingpin was getting tired of Daredevil fucking up his racketeering so he hired this sociopath named Bullseye to kick Daredevil’s ass. Bullseye was a major badass. He had been mindfucked by some secret government agency and turned into a killing machine. He was cut loose when they realized that they couldn’t control him. Nigga was so sick he would kill motherfuckers by cutting thir larynx with a playing card. He threw a pencil into this dude’s eye socket one time. When Kingpin contracted Bullseye to kill Daredevil, Bullseye was going to do it for no money down. He just wanted the rush. No happs jack. In the end, Daredevil would always fuck Bullseye up with his own weapons.

Kingpin found out about this sick lady ninja assassin and he hired her to kill Daredevil. As the story goes MATT MURDOCK and this chick, ELEKTRA, were lovers back in college. She had to get disappeared when her dad was killed by some organized crime dudes. ELEKTRA’s real mission was to come back to New York and get close enough to the Kingpin to kill him, but now that she knows that Daredevil is her old love she can’t complete her job. MATT MURDOCK/Darevil wants ELEKTRA to get out of the killing game and lay up with him. The baddest part was when they were first reunited, Daredevil could recognize old girl by her smell. There is nothing more sensuous than a chick that has the pheromone combination that moves your manhood. Mind you that I am reading these books as a 10yr old so I didn’t appreciate the sexy shit until later.

Because ELEKTRA doesn’t fulfill her contract and now she is running the streets with Daredevil fucking up more of the Kingpin’s money she becomes a target. Bullseye takes the contract to kill Elektra thinking that it will emotionally weaken Daredevil. ELEKTRA is no fucking joke, but it’s a man’s world and Bullseye takes her ninja sword from her and shanks her good. ELEKTRA crawls back to MATT MURDOCK’s crib and dies in his arms. ELEKTRA’s death weighed pretty heavy on me too since only a year prior the X-Men creative team had JEAN GREY committing suicide in front of her one and only love, SCOTT SUMMERS.

elektra

ELEKTRA’s death was raw and filled with graphic pain and not heroic like Phoenix’ demise. You felt so much anger at Bullseye because he gleefully laughed at her as she bled like like a dog. I never wanted to kick someone’s ass as bad as I wanted to fuck up Bullseye. I wasn’t the only dude with blood in my eye. Your boy MATT MURDOCK brought it to Bullseye on some cataclysmic shit and broke every bone in his body. That wouldn’t be enough to make up for the loss of his love, but it felt good.

This is why Marvel Comics was that illustrative crack. Superman would never duff nobody out like this.

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