Archive for the ‘cRap Fantasy League’ Category

Seems Like Old Times…

Monday, August 4th, 2008

slave auction

And BILLY X. SUNDAY says that isn’t a good thing.

So Cam’Ron sold his homey Juelz Santana’s contract to Def Jam for two million bucks. That reminds me of when there was no free agency in baseball. Owners regularly sold the contracts of their best players when they were strapped for cash. I wonder if Cam’Ron couldn’t have raised more money for himself by just having an auction. All the interested labels could have begun a bidding war for Santana’s services. Two millies doesn't seem like a lot of scrilla to me for one of the highest touted rappers in the youngish sort of generation. There's a whole grouping of rappers that are in their thirties and late twenties who still rhyme for the high school set. Fab, Wayne, Bow Wow, Juelz, you know the names. You would figure that Juelz would have at least three more solo projects in him. Couldn't Cam have scraped together three million dollars for the paperwork?

How much is Manny Ramirez getting this season? I know the game is totally different but he is a dude that is in his late thirties which means he is close to retiring. Once a rapper reaches thirty I'm sure that most of you da-dunt da-dunns would argue that is when they become irrelevant. Maybe that is why Cam'Ron could only fetch 2 millies for the Juelz paperwork. Juelz is approaching his thirtieth birthday and Def Jam won't pay that O.J. Mayo money to someone who has Baron Davis' knees. Record industry money is more like NFL paperwork in that nothing is ever guaranteed. Even the signing bonus has to be recouped in most cases.

Some of you are asking why the fuck am I speculating on shit that I don't know the particulars of? Sheeeeeit, speculatiing on niggas futures is one of the top elements of Hip-Hop right after writing on walls with a spray can and fingerbanging your best friends' sister. Both of which I have done, but then again, I am sooooo Hip-Hop. One thing I will say is that Juelz keeps his new movement on an old school vibe by buying promotional t-shirts for all of his weedcarriers. I wonder who is giving the skull [ll]?


Pics obviously courtesy of Miss Info

So when do you think Def Jam will release the new Santana album? Certainly not until 2009, if ever. First, Juelz will have to put out a mixtape and try to re-create the former buzz he held from five years ago. Second, Juelz will have to negotiate the politricks of a label that moves around now like a rudderless ship. If Juelz Santana rhymes like Lil' Wayne he still has a chance. The truth is there are too many rappers at Def Jam right now. Someone's gonna have to retire.

Cliff, Take Notes…

Tuesday, April 29th, 2008

drew reports

Billy X. Sunday is an armchair A & R…

This shit is simple in the crap music fantasy business. You can basically do whatever you want to do. You can sign Fifty Cent and Ja Rule to your label and make them into an R & B group with Amy Winehouse. I might start the cRap Music Fantasy League again if I get some paper from someone that makes managing the game worth my time. And when ‘if’ turns into a fifth I will be drunker than muvv.

So this joint I am doing right here is a freebie. I’m gonna intern at Atlantic since I hear they need some A & R help now that Y.L.G. has started his own media company (read: a blog AND MySpace page). I remember the old Atlantic recording studios at 1841 Broadway. Back in those days a young Guillermo Xavier Dominguez, that’s Billy X. Sunday to y’all, worked as a mailroom gopher for an architecture firm.

All kinds of musical talent would come to the studios to record, Steve Winwood, Billy Ocean, Carly Simon, Hall AND Oates. Those were the golden days of Hip-Hop. I think Barney Rubble recorded his Fruity Pebbles rap song in those studios. I wish I could have recognized back then that rap music would become so damn fruity? I would have invested in Fruit Roll Ups [ll].

So here we are twenty years later and Atlantic is still in the business of making fruity music. I’ve got nothing against Lupe or T.I. These dudes are ultimately company men, like myself. If making music about bullshit increases the companies bottom line then these guys are all in. But for how much longer will rap be a viable music commodity? Not too much longer methinks. So what do you do if you manage Lupe and T.I. in real life? If you managed these guys in the cRap Music Fantasy League you would hope they tried to rob a bank together and were caught. That would net you a lot of points. In real life, not so much.

In real life I would tell T.I. to use his government name on his next album. Not like Fifty did with ‘Curtis’, but to use his name Clifford Harris as his artist name. I’d call the album ‘Federal Arrest’ and have a picture of T.I. dressed in a FedEx outfit delivering a package to Tip. The concept of this album is the detail of feelings before his public fall. As Clifford Harris he could rhyme out the pathos of T.I. and Tip. Sonn would have a third alter ego based in reality. Real reality too, not that rapper reality which isn’t really real at all.

The main reason that T.I. has to adopt the Clifford Harris moniker is because of all the shit he is going to do outside of rap. I think T.I. can be a more effective brand pitchman than even Jay-Z. Think about this, LL Cool J and Jay-Z are both on the other side of 40yrs old and we still refer to them as their stage names. Is Jay-Z going to be 80yrs old and still using that stage name? Yes. When he had the chance to go in hard as Shawn Carter he didn’t do it. Steve Stoute must have convinced him that he would be rapping forever.

T.I. isn’t going to rapping forever. There is one more album after ‘Paper Trail’ and then dude is going Hollywood. First off, there’s no fucking money in rap music anyhoo. Maybe on tour, but who wants to be on the road 10 months a year? Other than the Roots. Copp that ‘Rising Down’ today. You get my point though. Plus if T.I. pulls in Cliff Harris there’s the chance of a T.I. vs. TIP vs. Cliff Harris single.

Fuck bi-polar, try polar.

Eff Tibet In The A!

Thursday, April 10th, 2008


No disrespect is meant to my good friend ERNIE PANICCIOLI but I will have to dissent from the rest of you folks when it comes to boycotting the Beijing Olympiad.

What exactly has China done to you anyhoo? I don’t know too much about China, but I love going to Chinatown. I love being able to afford well-crafted counterfeit luxury items and I definitely love Chinese food.

I’m pretty sure I get to enjoy these things because China keeps their foot in Tibet’s ass. As a matter of fact, China is bankrolling our efforts to bail out the U.S. banking industry after they fucked up the money again.. Do you know what kind of lifestyle we would live if it weren’t for those friendly Chinese investors? I think it would make Hurricane Katrina look like a summer resort.

How crazy is it that we enjoy the American way of life on the backsweat of China’s poorest workers? I say eff Tibet in the ‘A’ if it keeps my gas under $4 a gallon and allows me to watch quality television programming like Miss Rap Supreme (premiering this Monday @ 10pm on Vh-1).

Plus, the main reason I don’t give a fuck about Tibet is because this looks like some of that stuff white people like.


White is always on some shit like they give a greater fuck. The animal zoo in Nuremberg(yeah, THAT Nuremberg) took this baby polar bear away from the mommy because they said they could raise it better. Meanwhile the zookeeper appears to be giving the bear a handjob.. This is the same exact reason why we are in a war in Iraq. White said we could do a better job for the Iraqis than their existing government. How many millions are dead and displaced and how many trillions have been wasted and misspent at this point?

And how the fuck do you know that Tibet doesn’t deserve an ass kicking anyhoo? I mean that for all we know Tibet could have brought this shit on itself. We all know how religions have gotten people’s asses kicked over the years. I’m not so sure those monks didn’t get out of pocket with the Chinese government by talking that ying yang. Literally. Someone prah’lee said “Ying Yang”. Y’all don’t here me though.

Lastly, I am leery to find moral indignation with any country especially since we are the ones that put more people in prison than any other industrialized nation. We have our jails filled to the gills with political prisoners and innocent people. With all of this commotion going on in San Franciso how come no one gave the San Francisco 8 a shout out? I think there used to be 9 of those fools but one died in jail. Free Tibet? Nahh my peoples, Free Mumia.

Check out your boy getting his moral indignation on by screaming on an Olympic supporter. This is the same coward that doesn’t say a peep when police brutality throws fifty bullets at a groom to be. Nahh man, y’all can keep that bullshit facade if you want. I say eff Tibet in the ‘A’.




Thursday, April 3rd, 2008


This is the first annual Black Eye Boom Bap Posse Rap Cage Match here at DP Dot Com. Posse rap cuts are like the soundtracks that are created when rap music superstars form Voltron. These tracks are filled with all kinds of energy that moves at different speeds and attacks at disparate angles. Imagine watching the Avengers on the microphone, or the X-Men.

I love posse rap tracks because of the unity that is displayed. Their is a singular determination by every artist to murder the music with their mind. Lyrics find a new height and importance as everyone attempts to out work the previous poetry presenter. Pardon the excessive alliteration, but I am excited to give you these songs and I hope that you do the right thing by listening to them with your goggles on.

black eye peas

Homeboy pictured above caught a bad one on the ‘Simon Sez’ remix…

‘The Symphony’ – Juice Crew All-Stars (Masta Ace, Craig G, Kool G Rap and Big Daddy Kane)
I remember how many necks got snapped after G Rap dropped his verse. No one wanted it with that dude. Give Big Daddy Kane his props for even touching the microphone after G Rap.

‘The Headbanger’ – EPMD, K-Solo, Redman and Das EFX

‘Guerilla Monsoon Rap’ – Talib Kweli, Black Thought, Pharoe Monch

‘Flava In Your Ear'(remix) – Biggie Smalls, Craig Mack, Rampage, LL Cool J, and Busta Rhymes

‘Left It To Us’ – Cage, El-P, Tame 1, Yak Ballz and Aesop Rock

‘Color Blind’ – Ice Cube, Kam, MC Threat, Coolio, WC and J-Dee

‘A Rollerskating Jam Called Saturday’ – Q-Tip, DeLa Soul, Vinia Mojica

‘Live At The BBQ’ – NaS, Fatal, Akinyele and Extra P
Read UnKut Dot Com for the Joe Fatal backstory on this legendary track.

‘4, 3, 2, 1’ – Method Man, Redman, Canibus, DMX and LL Cool J
There’s a reason this song is legendary. Canibus set this shit on fire. LL Cool J made sure that no major record label would ever fuck with him again. This track gets a two(2) black eye rating.

black eye peas

‘Simon Sez’ (remix) – Lady Luck, Pharoahe Monch, Redman, Method Man, Shabaam Shadeeq, and Busta Rhymes
This shit is so hardbody I’m giving it three(3) black eyes and three(3) retarded emcees rating. Everyone goes in deep. Busta Rhymes is without question one of the greatest posse rap track emcees of all time.

mc retahd

The Cerberus Of This Rap Shit…

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008


BILLY SUNDAY’s rambling thoughts from the basement…

First off kids, drugs are bad. I am stating this unequivocally, and I still haven’t taken my cough syrup yet. After that I should be flying. Try to walk with me for now…

So as I sit in my parent’s basement drinking Belvedere and Snapple Goji punch from my favorite sippee cup with the R2D2 crazy straw I asked myself, “Self, what is that futuristic rap shit?”

Nah’mean?!? What is that shit that would have you amped for the leak (no Wang)? Peep this…

Rap supergroup CERBERUS!

Just like the mythical three-headed dog this group would be the three best emcees with dog bark rhymes.

So no, Snoop would be excluded.

DMX, Ja Rule and Nine.

How sick is that lineup?

Nine was doing that dog shit, but then Funk Flex dropped sonn to run with DMX and the Double R crew. That was some fucked the fuck up shit since these two cats are from the Bronx, but you should all know that Funk Flex is coin-operated in this game. And I suppose we should all understand and represent our cultural value. Don’t let me get off track here. Nine starts shit off since that was his style first.

DMX is the doghead in the center. This motherfucker is complex and twisted. And crazy. Did I just say crazy? That nigga is 7 dot thirty. But that witty, unpredictable shit is what the game needs. The Wu does that shit on the regulack and we need more artists that have their creative energy focused. When DMX is focused he finds a spiritual level in his songs that prah’lee reminds heads of 2Pac, except DMX can rhyme better. But y’all already knew that. DMX is also crazy.

Ja Rule was put down over Busta Rhymes because you need a doghead to howl at the moon, and that is what Ja Rule’s singing ass will do. Plus let’s face it, you need someone to bring in the bitches. Hardbody rappers should have a least one track for the ‘hoodrats, er, ladies. Them chicks with a razor cut from their lip to their left earlobe who like being consensually punched in the face during sex. Rrrrrragh!

The question now is who would sign these washed up rappers to a deal that would get them together in the studio and then touring? It would need to be someone with a lot of wild paper. In steps the real Cerberus…

Cerberus Capital Management is a group of t.I.’s on that BlackWater USA shit except these jokers is more hard-fucking-body. These dudes own wild random shit;

  • Bayer
  • Georgia Pacific
  • Chrysler
  • Bushmaster Arms
  • Remington Arms
  • Formica Corp.
  • BlueBird (autobus mfg)
  • These fools got the scene OnSmash. Nahh, but f’real, these dudes got a media company too, and they own television stations. They prah’lee keep a lot of Harris Publications in the black too. So I guess that makes me an employee of Cerberus on some six degrees shit.

    Cerberus was the three headed dog that guarded the gates of Hades. If you ventured to Hades and tried to rescue one of your fam or friends you have to deal with Cerberus. Most motherfuckers just got devoured to death. I wonder how many emcees the rap group Cerberus can overwhelm? I think these old dogs still got some bite left in they bark provided you don’t try to teach an old dog new tricks.

    rap cerberus