Archive for the ‘Wig Owners’ Category

Vanity = Venus of Hottentot 2010…

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

vanity

I’ve kicked it with y’all before about Saartjie Baartman aka Hottentot Venus. We seem to revisit her story in popular culture every few years. This year, the Hottentot Venus award goes to Vanity the 8th Wonder. That is her stage name. Her reported government name is Kenyatta and you can only imagine how many Black girls trying to break into, er, modeling, already have that name.

I salute Vanity and her Jessica Rabbit backside. You know that joint has got to be stanky. In honor of her glorious stanknasty boonkey I thought we could listen to one of my fave joints off Mos Def’s ‘The New Danger’. This should be played in every gentlemen’s club.

Mos Def – ‘The Easy Spell’

vanity
vanity
vanity
vanity
via The Rap-Up via MarkDub

Even The Kid Sipped The Juice…

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

the kid

Let me state this clearly for anyone reading this drop…

Ken Griffey Jr. is my favorite all-time player. He was my generation’s G.O.A.T. Honestly, Barry Bonds was my generation’s G.O.A.T., but I could never get close to Bonds. He played in the National League throughout his whole career and I could never get Bonds to sign shit for me. Back in the days I used to troll the press gate at the OG Shea Stadium because that is where the visiting team would enter the ballpark. Even before Barry Bonds had become the single season home run champ he was hard to touch.

I don’t favor Griffey Jr. over Bonds because I couldn’t get Bonds to autograph some shit for me. I fuxed with Griffey because his style was so much fresher than anyone else in the game. His swing was so gorgeous and elliptical. Most big hitters yanked the baseball after making contact with it while Griffey Jr. just seemed to let the ball go in any direction but always on a line. The only thing better than watching Griffey bat was watching him play centerfield. He made some of the most incredible catches I had ever seen. As a routine…

Now here comes the tough part. I think that Griffey Jr. tried to use steroids but his body rejected them and this is what caused his debilitating injuries. I feel like Griffey learned about steroids while with the Mariners. There are several Mariners players I’m sure were users who prA’li influenced Griffey.

juicers

Bret Boone, Jay Buhner, Edgar Martinez and Vince Coleman are all players I suspect of using HGH or steroids during their playing careers. They were all lean players who ballooned into bulky hulks during the 1990s. I don’t want this to become a scary witchhunt for which players may have used steroids in the days before baseball had outlawed these drugs and treatments. These players also knew of the risks that were inherent in receiving these treatments but just like the NFL stands for ‘Not For Long’ and those players willingly accept the negative side effects of steroids so did the baseball players.

The potential from steroids was something that trumped jaundice, prostate cancer and even bone density decomposition. The potential from steroids use appeared to be immortality. A chance at the Hall of Fame is what allows players to retire comfortably. For fifteen years that the the top tier pros remain in their sport some have twice that amount of time selling their signatures as Hall of Fame players. I love baseball and I don’t hold a grudge against any of these players for sipping the ambrosia of immortality. Maybe Barry Bonds will let me get his autograph one of these days.

the kid

For The Love Of Money…

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

mcgwire

Mark McGwire finally confessed to using steroids, but NOT human growth hormones. Who the fux really cares? EVERYONE that was anyone was doping in bigtime sports for at least the past twenty years. How else does a top level Olympiad champion like Florence Griffith Joyner have a heart attack in her 40’s? Or another pro baseball slugger, Ken Caminiti, also suffer from a heart attack only a few years after retirement. The truth is that most sports fans don’t give a shit whether their team’s top player uses steroids or cocaine or Advil-coated Tic Tacs. We just want our favorite teams to win.

McGwire’s confession doesn’t make him any more or less courageous than when he was an active player. He did it for the glory and the money. McGwire’s about to return to the game as a coach and he doesn’t want the spectre of his past to slow down his money machine. I don’t fault McGwire for getting his paper right. He’s got his weedcarrier Tony LaRussa maintaining the story that the Athletics and the Cardinals lockerrooms were all clean spaces. That’s a crock and Albert Pujols is now a steroid suspect in my book. The real crooks however are still the MLB owners.

The MLB owners made money hand over fist for the last twenty years from cable tv contracts, merchandising and licensing and of course ticjets sold at their ballparks. The owners pushed the players to destroy their bodies, but we still don’t discuss this on a mainstream level, only in the blogs is this idea even broached. If the owners were as contrite as they want the players to appear maybe they would give back some of the billions that they made over the last ten years. When it comes to sharing their money the MLB owners have nothing but love for the fans.

Nothing but love.

mcgwire

SNEAKER STUNTIN’ 101…

Monday, January 11th, 2010

lebron 7s

LeBreezy was killin’ ’em in the streets for the Cav’s away game in Portland. Being an earshot from the Swoosh headquarters must have meant a special trip out to Beaverton before tipoff. LeBreezy went on to drop 41 points and stunt extra hard by simultaneously wearing two different colorways of the LeBron 7’s.

These kicks are supposed to match the Cavs early 1990’s throwback jerseys but the colorways are totally repping for the Mets and the Knicks. I did the same thing in 1985 with the Nike Dunk (word to Rory Sparrow). I’m just glad that LeBreezy is getting his footwear into a New York state of mind.

lebron 7s
lebron 7s

pics via NikeLeBron.net

American Crapparel FTW…

Monday, January 11th, 2010

american crapparel

“From the craps tables down in AC, back on the block/Jay-Z mother f*cker from tha’-tha’ the ROC.” -(c) camel

I fux with American Crapparel hardbody (props to The Arab Parrot for coining the phrase).

Their heather gray zip up hoodie goes perfect with jeans and any manner of Nike steez:

douche mustache

Unzipped [ll], you can showcase your favorite t-shirt whilst staying warm. Throw a flannel underneath and you’re on your West Coast B.I. Wear nothing underneath and show off the taco meat [ll]. It’s whatever’s your pleasure, really.

But what really gets me fired up about AC is the models. Their website is better than pr0n. Like, pr0n wishes it could be as gullyriffic as the AC website. What do you expect? Their CEO is a sexual deviant. No shots – at DP.com, sexual deviancy [ll] is mad celebrated. Ixpecially if it leads to the creation of something as dope as AC.

AC goes in on the artsy hipster pseudo-pr0n photography tip something hardbody. For instance, why is this broad bending over backward with her hands on her tushie? No answer for that. But me likey:

easy access

These jeans bring a brother back to the early 80s, when it was considered sexy to wear jeans that came up to the belly button, well before the low-rise fad kicked in and took over. Know what? Shits look bangin…all over again:

old school bellay

And this is the simple shit. I’m not even talking about the fly unitard that just came in for this season:

WOW

But hold up, you didn’t think that’s the best pic they could come up with, did you?

can u dig

And Exhibit C (no Jay Elec-Hanukkah)…show me whatchu twurkin wit:

i'm ready

On the low…this one got a bubba:

BUBBLE BUBBA BUBBA

This one is just filthy…I ain’t mad atchu, guh – get that $:

on the track like jackie jurna

Mack, I’m gawn in:

do u love the web

I’m in love (no sucker for love; no Cappin Save-a-Hoe):

what a bubba

Need I say more:

sheer byooty

If you’re like me, any website that displays half a nipple is blocked by your company’s Haterware – but AC will never be blocked. Thusly, for an afternoon diversion, you can’t beat the AC shwag. Poke around [||] the site for an afternoon – you’ll never be able to predict what sort of innocuous piece of clothing Dov Charney has repurposed in a shwagged-out, 70s pr0n star sort of way. Thank me later (no Canadian Jewish rap star.)