I haven’t done a BeYonce Factor in a very long time. Mainly because no one can compete with her. She is like the Godzilla of pop music starlets. Who from her era hasn’t she crushed? Ashanti? Dead to me. Amerie, Ciara, Keisha Cole are all fractions of BeYonce. Even Christina Aguilera and Brittney Spears are washed up next to BeYonce. Who wuld dare try to rise up and challenge the current queen of R & Backside? It looks like we found a contestant in the homewrecking chanteuse ALICIA KEYS.
The internets have been buzzing with the story that ALICIA KEYS is dating Swizz Beats who is suppose dto be married or some shit. Waitaminnit? ALICIA KEYS dates guys? Swizz Beats dates women? I guess mutual beardism is the new beardism. *shrugs shoulders* ALICIA is also co-starring alongside Jay-Z in the music video anthem for New York City ‘Empire State of Mind’.
You folks remember how the BeYONCE Factor works don’t you? It’s really simple and here’s a quick rewind of the format for all of you folks scoring from home or the office…
Jig, spic and priveleged celebs will be rated on a scale for how close their game comes to that of the pinnacle of all jiggaboo goddesses – BeYONCE. In parentheses are the factors that give each candidate a high or low score depending on how we at the website rate them. If a subject does exceptionally well with a factor then they will receive the full allotment of points (100).
1) Can you say her name – (the more‘Black’ sounding the name of the candidate, the higher the number of points)
2) Can she pay her bills – (cash rules everything around us – does the candidate have any?)
3) Is she a survivor – (has the candidate had to endure scandal/controversy?)
4) Baby boy – (has the candidate ever had an abortion?)
5) Cater to you – (would you want a backrub from the candidate?)
6) Dangerously in love – (is the candidate in a relationship that can’t last?)
7) Bootylicious – (this should speak for itself)
Okay, so the criteria is established. Let’s see how ALICIA KEYS stacks up…
1) Can you say her name – Alicia is hardly as ghetto fab as BeYonce – 50pts
2) Can she pay her bills – Alicia holds down a gang of Grammy awards – 100pts
3) Is she a survivor – Alicia hasn’t had to fight through bad press from former bandmates – 0pts
4) Baby boy – No pregnancy rumors. Evar – 0pts
5) Cater to you – Alicia is fine as wine – 100pts
6) Dangerously in love – Alicia is rumored to have broken up Swizz Beats marriage – 100pts
7) Bootylicious – I’ll let the pic below answer that – 100pts
ALICIA KEYS only comes up with a total of 550 BeYonce Factor points when we include the 100pts she gets for being a superior actress to BeYonce, and even then that isn’t enough for her to topple Bey from her perch on the top.
Read this and weep ALICIA KEYS stans. BeYonce is still the boss of this shit.
