Archive for the ‘H.A.M.’ Category

No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn…

Saturday, July 12th, 2008

marbury?

I stay losing in order to stay winning…

This is my overall Libra fallacysophy. My success has to be mitigated with my failure.

I’m happier than a clam with the reception of the latest i.C.’s video. I’m excited to get more videos on the web where smart dumb shit is brought to the people. This is the most fun I have had with a job evar.

But the good times can’t last can they? Nope.

I’m here in front of my apartment building in Long Island after an over two hour commute from C.S.’s crib in Brooklyn and I can’t get in my crib because I left my keys in my pants at homegirl’s house.

AARGH!

This was the great Mexican god in the sky telling me to “take it easy mang”. I had planned to do so much shit this weekend and now I realize that was a mistake. I need to rest up and get my mind right for a hectic work week. I need to do my laundry.

I’m running out of comfortable drawls to wear. Next come the boxer briefs I call booty cutters, and after that I will have to rock swim trunks.

So here I sit again typing a blog post on my cracked screen BlackBerry that T-Mobile refused to replace even though it was under warranty. The customer service clown set me up lovely by having me call from a landline. When she asked me what color the sticker on my phone battery was and I replied red she then apologized and told me that my phone was water damaged.

I laughed my fat ass off. Homegirl set me up like a maestro. So I’m stuck with this piece of T-Mobile shit for another sixteen months. Fuck T-Mobile in the ‘A’.

It’s real peaceful out here in Freeport. I can see why my parent’s wanted me to live out here. There’s shit you grow accustomed to living in the city that you don’t have to suffer for in the suburbs. Quality of life isn’t simply any electoral slogan. It’s about real shit like fucking litter and prostitutes and fucking dog shit. I encounter these things in the city on the daily. I basically ignore them because I accept the dissonance as part of the city’s fabric, but it is cool to be able to have your own thoughts.

So here I sit now and its 4am and my superintendent is asleep in his apartment now I’m sure so I won’t even bother ringing his bell. I’ll just sit outside until 8am or something like that before I ring his doorbell.

I am a total loser since I brought shit of mine from C.S.’s apartment out to Freeport to stash away but I forgot my effing keys. I have my Foamposite 1’s finally getting placed in the archive. I don’t have any idea when I am taking these joints off ice but when I do you are going to hate me. That day I will be a winner all because today I am losing.

I had grandiose plans for today. I was going to pay some bills I am behind with. After receiving an e-mail from the exec director of Brooklyn Bodega I was going to definetly fall through that Brooklyn Hip-Hop festival. My lady and I even planned a double date with some friends to see ‘Wall-E’. Speaking of Wale, I was going to see him perform at S.O.B.’s on Sunday night after I left the Afro-Punk block party in Fort Greene that was earlier in the day.

As it stands now, I ain’t gonna do shit other than pay my bills. Maybe. These mosquitos is eating my ass like I said something about their momma and I am more tied than fuck.

You read that right – tied. I R tied!

I’m sorry for holding your eyeballs hostage while I talk about my situation. I just wanted something to talk about instead of being angry with myself. Even though its a quarter past 4am and I am having my ass eaten by bugs as if it were a sport I need to remind myself that this is the process of winning for my life.

So I stay losing…

The Amy Winehouse Of This Rap Shit…

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

source

BILLY X. won’t be flying through LAX.

And just like that I decided that I won’t be fucking with the Game’s next album. Even if that shit is the banger that brings West coast rap back to the forefront. This is because Jayceon Taylor has opted to participate in the nigger trend of fucking up a funeral. There’s a rising epidemic all across this country of niggers going to funerals to start shit (or continue shit, as it were) with other funeralgoers. It’s a damn shame that a motherfucker can’t be buried now with dignity or respect because some clowns look at that moment as their chance to shine.

Only niggers would see a motherfucker’s last rites as their own Star Search opportunity. Are people that impoverished, or that misguided? What are the chances that the motherfucker they went to the funeral to lock up with won’t bring his ass back the same fucking corner the following day? This is all motherfuckers know anyhoo. So instead of waiting the once customary 24 hours before resuming all squabbles, niggers have decided to perpetuate the massacre by endangering mourning relatives and innocent bystanders. I wish I could tell these dumb niggers to stop watching mafia depictions from Hollywood.

Unfortunately, the majority of dumb ass poverty stricken people that would find it okay to make a funeral an even more shitty event don’t have internets connections. Getting into your MySpace account from a Sidekick phone notwithstanding. I mean that these people don’t access the internets for information. I bet the Game does have an internets connection though, and I bet he or his weedcarriers check the web frequently to see what other people think of him. When they come to see this drop they will learn that I am not purchasing nor reviewing his latest album LAX.

The reason being that I won’t support his bullshit antics any longer. People like the Game do dumb shit because they are talented artists with little or no self-discipline and more importantly self-editing skills. This is the same problem that Amy Winehouse has. Because of her supposed talent which is really just the ability to vocally impersonate a Black woman, she is allowed to literally O.D. in public with no repercussions. For the last several years the Game has been the same way in tahe he does incredibly dumb shit yet faces none of the consequences (no Cons 2 the Quence) that regular people would suffer.

But poor DMX doesn’t hurt anyone, not even a dog, allegedly, and his ass gets arrested three times in one day. DMX was arrested in Miami at 9am one morning, posted bond, flew to Arizona and was arrested when the plane touched down at noon. While in the lockup he was extradited to New Mexico to serve a warrant for some other shit. If you ask me, DMX should fire his lawyers. They are obviously having him set up to increase their invoices to him. If DMX gets out of jail long enough to release another album I will buy that shit to help him defer some of his legal costs. The Game, not so much.

I’m not sure why Jayceon attended his cousin’s funeral knowing that he was short on the funds he had promised to donate for the burial. It costs a small grip to put someone in the dirt in an honorable manner. Most people in the ghetto end up taking out loans to do this from the funeral homes. Don’t even try to imagine the interest and fees that are attached to these loans. If Game was short on cash, and who isn’t in this fucked the fuck up economy, he should have told his auntie or the grandmother that he was short. As usual in urban areas nowadays, the grandmothers are the people that pick up these expenses. Too bad they don’t have any money left to inter themselves.

It would be difficult to convince granny that he didn’t have any cash since his face is on a few magazine covers lately, but it is what it is. Since The Game doesn’t have the good sense that GOD gave an empty red Solo cup I am going to boycott supporting his music until he can get his mind right and his agenda straightened out.

A Day In The Life With BLU CHEEZ…

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

blu n billy

BLU CHEEZ is like my best friend in the whole world. He likes to sport the lifestyle along with me. I think that is how we connected as friends through our mutual love for ‘Lo gear.

blu n billy

This is BLU CHEEZ on his way to work in the city.

Don’t ask me what he does.

blu n billy

Would you believe that this was a total coincidence?

Okay, true story, BLU CHEEZ swagger jacks my steez sometimes.

blu n billy

BLU CHEEZ at a computer.

PrA’li downloading interracial pr0n pictures.

blu n billy

BLU CHEEZ is a true New Yorker.

He sits on the benches where homeless people sleep.

blu n billy

The commute home for BLU CHEEZ is easy money.

You can always get a seat after the train stops at Borough Hall.

blu n billy

BLU CHEEZ stays on that model shit.

What The Hell Elle Cool Ghey?!?

Monday, July 7th, 2008

ll

Stop playing!

Everyone here knows that Men’s Health magazine is even gheyer than Black Inches.

Pause to me even knowing the name of that magazine.

I once had a subscription to Men’s Health, but after I received my first issue I threw that shit in the garbage more determined to remain fat and subsequently hetero normal. There’s way too many nekkid men pictures in that mag. At some point you have to realize that the publisher is about to have you turn the page to see some dude whacking himself, or worse, his “spotter”. I don’t even look at dicks when I am enjoying my pr0n. Why the hell should I look at them when I am reading a magazine to find out which vegetables are high in potassium?

I’m pretty sure LL realized that his audience is now mostly men. All the chicks that came up when he was making hits like ‘I Need Love’ and ‘Around The Way Girl’ have all been married off. Chances are that any women still listening to commercial rap now are most likely dykey lesbians anyhoo. Who else would enjoy listening to the tales of women being humiliated? I don’t know, but I do know that LL is on the cover of a homo mag.

Aww ish, they even made a web video for this shit.

I don’t just say this because I am obese and poorly groomed either. LL could have made this same pose on the cover of Jet and I wouldn’t have said a damn thing. Ebony too. As a matter of fact, isn’t Ebony running a feature this month on the 25 coolest niggas Black men of all time? Don’t tell me LL didn’t make the cut? For crissakes, this nigga’s name IS cool!?!

This is some shit I would have expected that fruitsach WILL SMITH to try and get off. That fag even stars in a movie called ‘Handcock’. [ll] to the fact that I saw that movie this past weekend. Both of these dudes are definetly flambĂ© though. Lightskinned dudes with no mustaches is supremely suspect. Steer clear of that shit if you can. There should be pictures somewhere of these dicks wearing wigs and with heels on. Those are the games that Hollywood plays. That is why I will stay fat and subsequently broke.

Yeah anyhoo, that is a way ghey magazine cover.

Is all I’m saying.

Mag cover swag jacked from BOSSIP.COM
Video link heisted from NAHRIGHT.COM

Don’t H8: STARKEISHA BROWN…

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

effed

Get your H8 up party people!

The missus and I found ourselves at our close friends’ crib(P-City and wife) for a rooftop BBQ when P-City notified me that he encountered a news story with a protagonist named ‘Starrkeysha’. I laughed out loud since Starrkeysha is the name I had given to Hurricane Katrina because I felt like it would be only Black folks that suffered from her wrath (sadly, I was all too correct). It turns out that this Starrkeysha was an even more evil bitch than that hurricane that kicked New Orleans’ arse.

Pictured above are STARKEISHA BROWN and her 19yr old girlfriend KRYSTAL MATTHEWS. STARKEISHA had a five year old son. STARKEISHA and KRYSTAL used to torture that boy on some shit that would make the paramilitary mercenaries in Iraq wince. The pair starved the child and even burned him on the stovetop. As if that wasn’t fucked the fuck up enough, they allegedly put out cigarettes on the boy’s genitals. None of this killed shorty however.

Child Services officials on a tip from a ghetto snitch (possibly Cam’Ron?) requested that STARKEISHA bring her child into their offices for evaluation. What STARKEISHA did was to abandon her son with a homeless man and bring in two children from a friend of hers. When the officials at Child Services realized the children with STARKEISHA weren’t her own Mrs.BROWN and Mrs. MATTHEWS bolted from the office. The pair was apprehended later along with a third woman.

LaTONYA LANIQUA JONES has also been charged with assaulting the child. She was the babysitter. The pattern here I am highlighting is that nothing good is ever going to come from someone named Starkeisha.

Is all I’m saying.