Rise in car crashes followed bans on texting while driving.
Archive for the ‘Harpers Weekly Review’ Category
Oil Fields = Killing Fields…
Friday, June 25th, 2010
^ Study how the vic getting clapped on gets transformed into the British Petroleum dandelion. It really works that way too. In a few thousand years all the bodies of the people who were merc’ked by the Khmer Rogue will become some fossil fuel we will use to do the shit what we do.
Altho’ the Deepwater Horizon oil rig disaster is wild bad (I suppose) it was bound to happen sooner or later and its likely to happen again and again. The problem isn’t British Petroleum who contracted TransOcean to put the hole in the ground underwater. The problem is you. And me. But really, its more you. You see I recognize that shit like what happened in the Gulf is what happens in the world when niggas need iPhone 4Gs, Snuggies, sneakers, audiobooks and even plastic bags. Sheeeeeeed, paper too.
You can close this drop right now if you want or you can face the truth that you and your fake ass righteousness has always been the problem. You want to save the Earth but you steady killing it. You don’t want to be a racist but you tacitly approve the lynching of Black males. You want to be a vegetarian but your lying ass knows how much you love the taste of bacon on your lips. British Petroleum is your dealer and you are such an addict if they weren’t here you would go across the street corner to get your fix.
We rely on petroleum for EVERY FUCKING THING in our lives. EVERYTHING. You want to challenge me on that?!? Good luck, but you still can’t handle the truth. You don’t have the mental ability, determination or courage to live above petroleum production. The difference between you and I is that I won’t try to fool myself about the issue. There are drilling apparatus that have penetrated the Earth for greater than 6 miles (over 30,000ft) because you need the blood of your ancestors that badly. So as long as you read this weblog please recognize that you are the problem and British Petroleum is your scapegoat.
Let late night Jimmy Fallon with the help of the Roots, Brian Williams and Herbie Hancock bring some levity to your consciousness…
Generally Speaking, Totally Out Of Pocket…
Thursday, June 24th, 2010
^ Unfortunately for Gen. McChrystal its too late for the buttoned lip strategy…
Some military leaders are totally the movie. They are uncomfortable around people who don’t wear their uniform. I used to think it was because there was some ghey oath they all take. You know, ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’? That may be only part of the reason. The main reason is that these people are generally anti-social pricks. I mean, if your business model is essentially to kill, maim and capitalize people’s lives you’re clock is off a few clicks. I suppose the world turns with everyone having their own personal moral compass for direction and mental clock to let them know what time it really is.
Maybe that is the real reason that U.S. General Stanley McChrystal spazzed out at length in front of a Rolling Stone reporter about the administration in D.C., the war in Afghanistan, and just everything in general. Life is far too short to remain as wound up as he was and not have some epic calamitous spin out. Speaking of the war in Afghanistan… It sux. Thank God for British Petroleum’s Gulf debacle of the microscope would have been deeper into the ass of the failed strategy in Afghanistan. Recently the Pentagon informed us that there was trillions of dollars of mineral resources in Afghan soil. And they weren’t even talking about heroin.
The President relieves General McChrystal of his post in Afghanistan. The general can now return to his wife of 33 years and take her on dates to White Castke or Jack In The Box or wherever rich people go to appear normal. In the meantime and in between time more American lives are being committed to the mountains of Kabul and Khandahar with no end in sight. Maybe that will be the subject of the general’s upcoming speaking engagements alongside Sarah Palin no doubt.
Going ‘rogue’ is the new Black.
One Day It Will All Make Sense…
Monday, June 14th, 2010
Just prA’li not in our lifetime tho’…
While the Gulf of Mexico will be fucked the fuck up for a long ass time there is some other shit we have been fucking up since the G Dubbz administration. Namely, Afghanistan.
Afghanistan seemed like a shithole to me. Especially when you looked at all those pics from the days of their war with the Russians. I mean yeah, they have hell’a poppy fields and that helps the heroin dealers move horse like a mother, but do we need to keep losing American lives so the Amy Winehouses and Lindsay Lohans can stay lifted? My problem was that I wasn’t using the molecular microscopes that the Pentagon has in effect.
Afghanistan looks like a land filled with deserts of sheepherders when in reality they might be one of the richest nations on the planet. All that bombing we have done to the Afghan terrain in search of, er, yeah, has uncovered a vast wealth of mineral resources that were previously unaccounted for. Something to the tune of trillions of dollars in mineral wealth. Iron, copper, gold, cobalt and LITHIUM. Wait until the Energizer bunny hears about all the lithium they have in Afghanistan. And you know that dude doesn’t stop beating his war drum for nothing.
He just keeps going, and going, and going…
The Gulf of Mexico? That shit will be clean enough to drink from in a few years and life will return to that region.
Afghanistan? Not so much.
Beware Ebirah!
Tuesday, June 8th, 2010
I’m not so much worried anymore about all the animals who are being killed by the Gulf Oilpacalyse as much as I am worried about the animals we are creating.
I remember that Godzilla had to fight this giant lobster one time. So I went to the web to find out who that creature was and it turns out the nemesis was actually a giant crayfish called Ebirah.
Crawdads are something like the official fish of Louisiana.
Now the story takes on some super awesome ecological allegory and British Petroleum is the badass greedy corporation that unleashes the monster. We need a Steven Speilberg, Joel Schumacher or Michael Bay to jump on the production of this shit ASAP.
The late great Spy magazine said that helicopters, explosions and dinosaurs are all the components you need to create a summer blockbuster movie. In that case this flick is almost writing itself.
The real life irony is that oil is literally the liquid remains of life on this planet. Animals and plants fused together under incredible pressure and time immemorial.
Maybe Ebirah is just an agent of the Earth sent by his angry mother to put a correction to an addiction that we all suffer from?
